Life, Relationships, and Struggles.

[KyeShamblin]

So first things first, I guess the best way of explaining is that I've created my own mess. Basically, I was torn between two women. I loved the one that I was with, but we had gone through me cheating, me not loving her the way she deserved, me disrespecting her, and massive financial troubles. Essentially, I left the military two years ago. Since, I have suffered from massive depression. I destroyed my life because I didn't know what else to do. I turned from God, I pushed her away, I pushed everyone away. I purposely quit jobs that I enjoyed, knowing full well that I was putting us in danger.
Nicole, the woman that I was with for all of this, brought me closer to God. She desired for me to worship, and to have a relationship with God. I didn't understand what that meant and I went into it half hearted. I faked myself into believing that I was a christian, and all I did was continue on my destructive path.
I truly love Nicole, but I left her. I cheated, I verbally abused her, and all she wanted was to love me and be with me. I left for my Ex. When I left, she decided to move on, of course. This was a month ago. What happened is God opened my eyes. He spoke to me for the very first time in my life. I am positive that God meant for me to be with her, because the night before we met, I begged God to bring me a Godly and good woman. I squandered one of God's gifts, and believe me I know I will suffer for this. I'm attempting to fix the mistakes that I've made, knowing full well that she most likely will not take me back. What I've decided to do is fully trust in the Lord, put all of this into his hands and give all of myself to her.
Don't think ill of me, because I assure you...I am a good man. The things I have done don't define what I am, because I have never done these things before. I know what I've done is unforgivable, but I am going to do this God's way. I tried doing things my way, I failed. I only hurt myself and everyone around me. Now, I know outside looking in that I should be condemned for my actions. I don't blame depression, because what I did was my own choice. Both of these women are good women, and I know this. Nicole just saw me at my worst possible me, and she loved me through it. I don't know if she can love me through this one...and that's okay. Mostly, Im just looking for support here, advice...maybe some of you have experienced something similar. Thanks for listening.

 

[Winken]

So first things first, I guess the best way of explaining is that I've created my own mess. Basically, I was torn between two women. I loved the one that I was with, but we had gone through me cheating, me not loving her the way she deserved, me disrespecting her, and massive financial troubles. Essentially, I left the military two years ago. Since, I have suffered from massive depression. I destroyed my life because I didn't know what else to do. I turned from God, I pushed her away, I pushed everyone away. I purposely quit jobs that I enjoyed, knowing full well that I was putting us in danger.
Nicole, the woman that I was with for all of this, brought me closer to God. She desired for me to worship, and to have a relationship with God. I didn't understand what that meant and I went into it half hearted. I faked myself into believing that I was a christian, and all I did was continue on my destructive path.
I truly love Nicole, but I left her. I cheated, I verbally abused her, and all she wanted was to love me and be with me. I left for my Ex. When I left, she decided to move on, of course. This was a month ago. What happened is God opened my eyes. He spoke to me for the very first time in my life. I am positive that God meant for me to be with her, because the night before we met, I begged God to bring me a Godly and good woman. I squandered one of God's gifts, and believe me I know I will suffer for this. I'm attempting to fix the mistakes that I've made, knowing full well that she most likely will not take me back. What I've decided to do is fully trust in the Lord, put all of this into his hands and give all of myself to her.
Don't think ill of me, because I assure you...I am a good man. The things I have done don't define what I am, because I have never done these things before. I know what I've done is unforgivable, but I am going to do this God's way. I tried doing things my way, I failed. I only hurt myself and everyone around me. Now, I know outside looking in that I should be condemned for my actions. I don't blame depression, because what I did was my own choice. Both of these women are good women, and I know this. Nicole just saw me at my worst possible me, and she loved me through it. I don't know if she can love me through this one...and that's okay. Mostly, Im just looking for support here, advice...maybe some of you have experienced something similar. Thanks for listening.

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Kye, you are so not alone. We are all making mistakes in some way or aspect of our life, whether physical emotional, spiritual, mental, behavioral.... whether we admit it or not. Only God is perfect. The fact that you come here and share what you have been through shows you are a good person. I'm sorry you've had to struggle with these situations and your depression. While we all make our own choices, depression can carry a big stick and make us think thoughts that are irrational - make choices that are irrational. You are so not alone in this either.

I'm glad you're getting things back together. That you are once again striving for a life that is filled with Christ and His help to restore.

I can tell you from personal experience, that I have made some horrible, horrible decisions in my life, unfortunately hurting others unintentionally at the time, but it did hurt them, and it hurt me. God is a forgiving God who wants to help us heal. For some of us that takes a while, for others, He provides a much faster way. No clue why, but that's okay with me as long as He helps me head the right direction.

So glad you're here!

 

[KyeShamblin]

The hardest part of all this is that she's with another man now...which of course I can't blame her. I struggle with being Godly and wishing the best for her and him. A lot of the time, I just want to do everything I can to get in the way, but I love her enough that eventually, if she's happy, I'll come to terms with it.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Yes, that must be very hard. I'm glad you are paying attention to your thoughts and feelings, and urges of behaviors. That takes a lot of self-awareness and strength. Only God knows our future, but He sure will get us through it. Thanks for sharing so much of what's going on. It helps to understand what you are going through, and I know you're not the only one.

 

[Poppyseed78]

That sounds like a challenging situation. I will say this: keep on the path of growing in Christ. Whether she returns to you or not, the most important thing is that you focus on your faith.

 

[SgtBen]

That sounds like a challenging situation. I will say this: keep on the path of growing in Christ. Whether she returns to you or not, the most important thing is that you focus on your faith.

Some years ago I made a bad decision about a woman and thought I was in love. It was lust, I reckon but I was about to be serious with her.

I didn't pray about it. I just went with my feelings. I was a new police officer then, and one night I responded to what we thought was a domestic dispute. I arrived, and there was my so-called girlfriend there with an older man. She had sex with him, and they got into a fight over the payment.

I had to settle it and arrest her for prostitution and him for solicitation of a prostitute.

Always stay close to God, and rely on Him to guide you. I know things can be really rough, but hang on to God and He will lead you in His way.

 

[look4hope]

The hardest part of all this is that she's with another man now...which of course I can't blame her. I struggle with being Godly and wishing the best for her and him. A lot of the time, I just want to do everything I can to get in the way, but I love her enough that eventually, if she's happy, I'll come to terms with it.

You're not seeing this (perhaps),but accepting responsibility for any actions that may have caused pain and suffering for you and the women in your life, is an amazing step. A huge step.

Coming into realization that what ever decision she makes, you'll accept it and wish her all the best, is another huge step. Point being, I can see the good in you, as I'm sure others here do too.
We are all perfectly imperfect--Human beings. Mistakes are bound to be made and well....we learn from mistakes- over and over again.

You'll be in my prayers.

@SgtBen
Wow, what a story sir. I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that.
Blessings.