Letting her go...

[.Mikha'el.]

I'm tired of dwelling on this, so I just want a few thoughts. If i talked about this here before, please feel to ignore. Her name is Lisa, and she was the first friend I ever made at CF. She and I spent many a crazy post together in the teen forum and later in Singles. If i talked about this here before, please feel to ignore.

It would be in January of 2006 when I would see her again, this time, in group chats that I was sometimes invited to having just started as a CF mod. But there was still not any signficant movement in terms of my level of involvement with her until about a year later when I brought her onto my MSN.

It was then that she and I started a pretty decent online friendship, regularly chatting about things, and I began to really value her friendship, and she really did with me as well. Gradually, I began to find things about Lisa that I found attractive. So one day, along came a thread in Singles about whom on CF we found attractive. I mentioned Lisa amongst those I was attracted to, and supringsingly enough, she dropped my name as well, adding it had been a couple of years earlier, but that I was just a friend now.

Finding this interesting, I mentioned it to a girl named Erin whom I was also go friends with from the site. She soon started openly campaigning for Lisa to get together with me, feeling there was great chemistry between us. Lisa found it horribly annoying, but it wasn't helping my newfound attraction to Lisa. Another girl came along soon enough, but nothing was ever the same again.

The last straw came in October 2009. I had been sensing for awhile that Lisa wasn't as interested in being friends with me. I came to her, paranoid about a dream fragment I had about her a couple of nights before. She unfriended and blocked me, claiming she had lost interest in being friends with me because I was apparently becoming really one-track minded in conversations. I got really upset, in part because she had promised me earlier that she would not cut contact with me as someone else we knew had done.

It's been three years, and I never did get over it, even thought my brief attraction to her is a thing of the past. And it's getting silly for someone to hold such power for me for so long, especially if it is just an online friendship. I do think part of why still hurts is because Lisa was my first CF friend, and a really good one for quite awhile. I do still cling a bit to how good the friendship was before all the drama, and it is it that which I want back now. But when I read her comments as to why she cut me, I honestly started wondering if she saw me as entertainment more than anything else. If I genuinely believe that's all I am to her, and she is not someone I feel I can take at her word, then the idea that I would want her back in my life so badly makes little to no sense. Yet, I know that if she ever did want to be part of my life again, she'd get in every single time...

It is so unhealthy for me to give this any more time and focus than I already have. I need to pay attention to the friends I have in my life now, especially if I believe they will be more loyal to me than she turned out to be. I even attribute part of what is at the core of my depression to be the fact that I don't have her anymore.

I feel so stupid about this...

 

[seaking2]

But ill tell from personal experience, as a Guy who was legit crazy for girls, so crazy I attempted suicide after a breakup, and even got expelled from college after a girl cheated on me, I said some things ...

But what I want to share is that when u like a girl, even thouggh u like her, she should be on the bottom priority of ur mind, cuz girls are flakey, they can act like they like u, get u crazy, then totally act different and u end up in the psych Ward like me

Just gotta play it cool, take it easy and slow, and if it happens it happens, if not, its w.e

Don't let society fool u, there is much more to life than girls, people say, after u find love that's when life and happiness begin, WRONG!! that's when life and happiness end, cuz now u gotta do as they say and can't do what u want when u want, and if u think having sex is worth all that, its really not...don't let society fool u

BTW, u were hung over a Online girl for 3 years??? Is this a joke?

Sry if I'm coming off mean, but I'm teling u its really not worth all the mental trouble. If a girl plays all these games with u, she is not worth it. Have some self respect, ur a son of God!!

Girls can make guys for crazy things, please keep ur own happiness first until she is urs, and even then be careful, u never know if u get married have kids, she finds another Guy and leaves u, then u gotta pay child support for 18 years, oh ya, it happens with Christian women too.
Be careful man, don't ever let a girl make u sad and so anxious, if she causing this much turmoil , let her go.

PS this isn't a shot at any girl here, please don't take offence, guys can be the same way

Sent from my VM670 using CF

 

[Krissy Cakes]

's hun!

You did what you thought was best.. Cut the friendship.. Its hard I know but sometimes we have to do that to grow and I know you will find a soul mate.. Maybe not on CF but God has the right person in mind for you. Be patient

God Bless you dear!

 

[drjean]

Obvious, to me, you do still need to talk about this and continue to work through it... how about from another perspective?

Maybe it isn't really "Lisa" that you're missing? What is it about Lisa that made you desire her friendship so, do you know? Maybe it's her qualities or some other aspect that you never got from well, yes, mom or dad or a brother or grandmother--or another friend IRL... that you never got but wanted or felt you deserved? Maybe you found those qualities in Lisa and hoped to renew that feeling you crave?

It's too bad in one sense that things didn't work out with Lisa, but maybe God allowed that so you could work through some things---and be ready for the real "one" God has in store for you...when you are truly ready? Someone who doesn't fill your needs, but adds to who you are as a person, additional accents, complete in herself (as you should be too) and ready to add to their mate....

Be well.

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying, brother!

 

[whitebeaches]

it sounds like you and lisa hit it off well and became very good friends and you both thought the other was good looking. however, lisa soon started throwing up walls soon after because she wasnt wanting a relationship beyond that of a friendship level. the way she handled it was wrong and i think you are still reeling from it because there is no closure for you. once you find the key to lock this behind you the better. you can still remember her fondly but you will be able to move on and explore new relationships and one day someone will come a long and all thoughts of lisa will be chased away. praying for you. ((( hugs )))

 

[HighwayMan]

Ain't that the truth. It amazes me just how people can convince you that you mean the world to them, you believe that you have never felt anything more genuine in your life, that this is the relationship you have been waiting for....and tomorrow they don't know who you are. Has happened to me and I am clueless as to how to get over these things...you can trust and love so few in this life, and when you open up to people, just so they can use you and then spit you back out (and of course pretend they are innocent in all this) you wonder how in the heck can you trust anyone again.

Life, is not pleasant in this regard.

 

[NightHawkeye]

Ain't that the truth. It amazes me just how people can convince you that you mean the world to them, you believe that you have never felt anything more genuine in your life, that this is the relationship you have been waiting for....and tomorrow they don't know who you are. Has happened to me and I am clueless as to how to get over these things...you can trust and love so few in this life, and when you open up to people, just so they can use you and then spit you back out (and of course pretend they are innocent in all this) you wonder how in the heck can you trust anyone again.

Life, is not pleasant in this regard.

Hi, HighwayMan.

You may know this already ... but have you considered looking somewhere besides New York City? There actually are places in the country where personal relationships are still important ... and places where commitment, trust and personal integrity are still valued.

 

[HighwayMan]

Hi, HighwayMan.

You may know this already ... but have you considered looking somewhere besides New York City? There actually are places in the country where personal relationships are still important ... and places where commitment, trust and personal integrity are still valued.

Hmm. Possibly things are better elsewhere yes. However, I can't really move out of the city right now, so that's a problem...

and the bigger trouble isn't whether people want or value personal relationships....it's that some will go out of their way, they will go to the ends of the earth to tell you how much you mean to them, make you care...you think finally you are experiencing Christ's blessing...and then the next day you are nothing to them, they forget you, and you are left with years of endless confusion and hurt.

 

[NightHawkeye]

Hmm. Possibly things are better elsewhere yes. However, I can't really move out of the city right now, so that's a problem...

and the bigger trouble isn't whether people want or value personal relationships....it's that some will go out of their way, they will go to the ends of the earth to tell you how much you mean to them, make you care...you think finally you are experiencing Christ's blessing...and then the next day you are nothing to them, they forget you, and you are left with years of endless confusion and hurt.

I know what you mean. The part of relationships which is very much under your control though is taking time to know someone ... and understanding their values, morals, beliefs, etc. People really are different in myriad ways which are important to maintaining successful relationships.

I could go on and on ... but I'll spare you, LOL.

Good luck with your search.

 

[HighwayMan]

I know what you mean. The part of relationships which is very much under your control though is taking time to know someone ... and understanding their values, morals, beliefs, etc. People really are different in myriad ways which are important to maintaining successful relationships.

I could go on and on ... but I'll spare you, LOL.

Good luck with your search.

Yeah, I can do better in that respect, but then again, one thing I can claim is that I am always honest with people and I don't play games. No one is good but God, and there are countless of people more deserving than me...but then again, also looking at the countless of others who do rather terrible things but still get the better end of the deal....you start wondering why does God never look down favorably toward you. One Christian philosophy is that this life is meant for suffering, for seeking out God in the darkest of times, for being constantly tested. I tend to see that point. But then another philosophy is that God rewards those (even on Earth) with their desires if only they pray/believe well enough, and many other Christians seem to subscribe to this one instead.

 

[NightHawkeye]

Yeah, I can do better in that respect, but then again, one thing I can claim is that I am always honest with people and I don't play games. No one is good but God, and there are countless of people more deserving than me...but then again, also looking at the countless of others who do rather terrible things but still get the better end of the deal....you start wondering why does God never look down favorably toward you. One Christian philosophy is that this life is meant for suffering, for seeking out God in the darkest of times, for being constantly tested. I tend to see that point. But then another philosophy is that God rewards those (even on Earth) with their desires if only they pray/believe well enough, and many other Christians seem to subscribe to this one instead.

Honesty will get you where you need to be. Personally, I equate God with truth in all things. Actions do have consequences, regardless of whether those consequences happen today or at some future date.

Rev 22:12 And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be. 13 I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.

14 Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. 15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

16 I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star.
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17 And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.
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