Lets get married already!!!

[Briseis]

I have been with my bf since March 31, 2003, coming up on 5 years. We know we are going to get married, we just cant agree on when. He is still in school and I dont have a very good job, so theres no money. He is graduating this April, but he doesnt have a job lined up yet so we dont know how much he will be making or be able to save. So really, we dont have a very good picture of the future yet. But, even if he just gets an average job (he is taking busines so even average would be pretty good money), shouldnt we be able to get married some time this year? I'm not very good at finances though so I could be wrong. Whenever I say that though, he seems to think that I am being unrealistic. I think he is being unrealistic to want to save a huge amount. If we both have jobs we'll be fine (I am looking for a better one), and we only need a modest wedding. Anyway, we have talked about it and talked about it and we just cant come to an agreement. Every occasion, anniversary, holiday, or birthday that comes along, I just hope and hope that he will propose, and he hasnt yet. And he often gives me my Christmas present in January, so I gave him a few weeks after Christmas to get it done, but this morning, when I still hadnt gotten it, I asked him why he didnt get me anything. He said that he is saving for a bigger present that I will get in about a year! Well, I dont know about you but that sounds like a ring. But I was hoping to be married by then, but he seems to think we will only be getting engaged!? Well, we still hadnt come to an agreement, so its pretty much up to him, and I knew he wanted more time, but really!? Not getting married till summer 2009 does not sound like something I wanna do. Anyway, I dont have any specific question, I am just getting impatient and a little frustrated and would appreciate any advice you have.

 

[EnlightenedTA]

Don't rush things, you might scare him away. It seems to me that you are obsessed with you two getting married, try to think of something else once in a while seriously, what's the rush? If he's not ready, then the situation just gets worse if you push him. Be lucky that you have him and you are happy with each other. And be patient I hope everything will sort itself out..

 

[Briseis]

The only thing I can tell you, is be thankful that you already -know- you're going to get married But by that in itself, I too don't see why you don't just go ahead and get engaged... after all that time, and you both seem to be assured its going to happen, you basically ARE engaged Making it official seems like a small task.

But, even if its true that he doesn't want to give you the ring for another year.. be thankful that he knows he wants to give you a ring at all

My main suggestion would be to talk it out with him, but as you said, you haven't come to much agreement through talking about it as of yet. That doesn't mean you can't still keep talking about it.. but it has thus far proved unfruitful so I doubt a magic solution will come up

Just wait it out and be happy that it will happen.

Edit: On the bright side, if he's saving for a ring for a -year-, it'll be a nice ring! lol

~ Lynn

Thanx. Nice to get a new perspective. I definitely see what you mean, but its hard. I should just trust that it will happen when it is supposed to happen. Gah, it just seems so far away. I remember when we firs started talking about it and he said a year and a half fromt hen would be good. Well, that was a year ago, meaning at the time he thought we would be getting married this summer. Now its been pushed back a year. But he will be done school, so I guess there would be no reason fro him to push it back again.

He is completely broke, and doesnt have a job. So, if he saves for a year it wont necessarily be an expensive ring, which is fine. The only money he has to save is money from his grandparents on his birthday and stuff like that. But still, a year is a long time. I dont mind if it is really nice.

And I am not rushing him. He wants to marry me, I know that. He just wants to be overly prepared. I think that he honestly just wants to take care of me the best he can, and wants to make sure he has enough money before we jump in. He puts all the responsibility on himself, but I dont. I dont care how rich he is when we get married, as long as we can get by.

 

[Briseis]

Thanx for that nice evaluation of the situation. I really should be grateful. Now, whenever I get frustrated, I will think of his intentions instead, that should make me feel better.

 

[CFrohlich]

my boyfriend and I have been together 6 years. And we know were getting married but not for another few years. It sucks but makes sense. You're not alone.

 

[Luther073082]

Don't count on a high paying job being available right after he graduates ok.

I have a degree in business and I didn't land a high paying job at all. *But I did get a job*

Let him graduate and get his job, then talk about getting married. You don't need to save a huge amount of money unless you are going to have a big wedding and no one is going to help with that. (My in-laws payed for most of our wedding)

But just a warning, don't hitch your lucky stars to a degree automatically bringing in a big income. It just doesn't always work, mostly because there are far more people out there with college degrees then there are jobs that need those degrees.

 

[rhenziel]

Relax your mind and think of the perfect time for both of you. Don't rush things up.

 

[The Nihilist]

Dangit, now I gotta go find a thread necromancer picture. Anyone think it worked out for them? Because I don't.