Lesser of two evils: waiting to be asked out or asking someone out?

[colorblindlover]

This is a question for both girls and guys...

A friend of mine brought up a good point when I asked her if I should keep waiting for a crush to ask me out or if I should test the waters by "kind of asking him out" and risk rejection. She said:

"There are problems with waiting that you have to deal with.
There are problems with NOT waiting that you have to deal with.
It's up to you which problems you're more comfortable dealing with."

So even though I have never asked a guy out, I took a risk and mentioned to my crush that I thought we should still go to an event even if no one else showed up except us two. He nervously replied "Yeah." And the next day I got a text from him (he almost never texted me without me texting first) saying he still wanted people to show up to the event, but that he had other plans if that didn't happen.

I felt pretty rejected and dejected after that, but I was glad that I took the risk because I was just tired of feeling led on by his behavior. And I was just impatient. lol It's given me the chance to move on emotionally and seek out other relationships (though none have happened yet).

What about yall? Do you prefer the "waiting" problems or the "asking" problems?

 

[PrincePurpleRose]

+

 

[TheOliveSeed]

I've never asked a guy out and don't think I ever will.

At least you can now move on instead of wondering if he's interested or not.

 

[blackribbon]

I have no problems inviting people to do anything with me. That said, guys seem to go funny when you ask them out....even when they were interested, it is like they are trying to figure out what is wrong with you that you are available. I don't ask anymore.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

I've done both. Neither was very effective for me. My fiance and I sort of simultaneously asked each other. Our story of getting together I'll tell you he asked me, and he'll tell you I asked him. It doesn't really matter now though.

In general, I like to be clear about things. I don't like to be led on - that's happened a lot to me. I'd feel a connection with a guy but he wouldn't ask me out directly and then after I'd moved on I'd hear from friends that he was really into me but didn't think I was interested. It got frustrating. So I grew to think that I would rather deal with rejection than with the unknown. I'd rather have a guy go weird on me and feel a little rejected than to have a guy lead me on and feel unworthy of his attention.

 

[Tess]

I personally don't think I would ask a guy out, for various reasons... (shyness, risk of rejection, awkwardness, wouldn't want to seem to 'keen', etc.) but everyone's different and everyone should just do whatever feels right for them

 

[Cute Tink]

I typically don't ask people out, because of rejection, self-confidence and other such issues.

I would rather wait, even if that means being alone for a period of time, which isn't always a bad thing.

 

[High Fidelity]

Just ask them.

 

[colorblindlover]

I've done both. Neither was very effective for me. My fiance and I sort of simultaneously asked each other. Our story of getting together I'll tell you he asked me, and he'll tell you I asked him. It doesn't really matter now though.

In general, I like to be clear about things. I don't like to be led on - that's happened a lot to me. I'd feel a connection with a guy but he wouldn't ask me out directly and then after I'd moved on I'd hear from friends that he was really into me but didn't think I was interested. It got frustrating. So I grew to think that I would rather deal with rejection than with the unknown. I'd rather have a guy go weird on me and feel a little rejected than to have a guy lead me on and feel unworthy of his attention.

Ok so I thought I was the only person with this issue of guys not thinking I'm interested! I've actually had female friends say they didn't think I was into guys. :/ I still to this day can't figure out what kind of things I was or wasn't doing to give off such an impression. That's why I tend to pursue guys when I like them because I feel like otherwise they don't have a clue. And if a guy does pursue me, he tends to be a decade or so older than me. It's frustrating, because I get compliments from people and comments like "You're going to make a great wife to someone." But no one pursues me or shows much interest in me other than guys who are kind of odd.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

Ok so I thought I was the only person with this issue of guys not thinking I'm interested! I've actually had female friends say they didn't think I was into guys. :/ I still to this day can't figure out what kind of things I was or wasn't doing to give off such an impression. That's why I tend to pursue guys when I like them because I feel like otherwise they don't have a clue. And if a guy does pursue me, he tends to be a decade or so older than me. It's frustrating, because I get compliments from people and comments like "You're going to make a great wife to someone." But no one pursues me or shows much interest in me other than guys who are kind of odd.

I feel your pain.

 

[SarahsKnight]

It's frustrating, because I get compliments from people and comments like "You're going to make a great wife to someone."

Is that so terrible, though, Miss Jojo? Even if not many guys pursue you actively, it's still a meaningful compliment, isn't it? It means someone one day will think you an ideal wife, right?

You said it's really only the (perhaps undesirably) much older guys who show interest, but, perhaps it's only that those your age are a bit too cowed and intimidated by good girls to outright show their interest in you.


... Although, that isn't exactly true of me. I myself seem to have no problem directly making known my fondness of a pretty girl in due time.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

I never said that. The OP said that.

It's not the compliment that's the problem though, it doesn't sound like. It's the frustration of not having anyone to date or feeling like no one's interested. You can't be a wife if you don't even get a first date.

 

[SarahsKnight]

Oh, right. Got confused there. Well, my answer is no different knowing now that I should have been replying to you instead, Miss Colorblind.

 

[colorblindlover]

Lol No worries SarahsKnight. I can see where you're coming from. I do appreciate the efforts my friends make to encourage me. But I also know that some friends though well intentioned, could be biased toward seeing me in an unusually favorable light. Either that or I just don't show my true colors to guys, IDK. I'm not so frustrated that I can't see myself ever getting married but my whole life I have been "pursued" maybe 5 times (not even really sure if it was pursuit or just them being nice). Asked out 3 times to "coffee". Dated one time, which lasted nearly 5 months. Most of my friends have been actively dating or pursued a handful of times and some of them get asked out quite a bit. My frustration is that if we are all women who are seen as wife material, I feel like the odd one out quite a bit. And when I have gotten pretty close to a guy, he sometimes ends up dating someone else. So there's a disconnect between friendship and relationship that I just can't figure out. Most of my friends say it's the guy's fault for being cowardly, but it's just hard for me to believe when left and right my friends are getting dates, boyfriends, and marriages.