Left Out?

[NotUrAvgGuy]

As a single divorced father of 3 and someone who has no siblings or other relatives nearby and only recently some contact with my kids after 6 years of no contact I share the following.

My church rightly places a lot of emphasis on the family. We have the usual children's ministries, youth ministries, men's and women's ministries, family classes, etc. On major holidays (e.g. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Mother's and Father's Day) there are always comments made about enjoying the rest of the day with your family or wishes for the Mom or Dad to enjoy "their day" with family on Mother's or Father's Day. This is all perfectly well and appropriate but at times it makes me feel like I am the only person in the church for whom it does not apply. I know that can't be true but I think sometimes the church forgets those of us who don't fit into the expected categories.

Both my parents are deceased and for the past 6 years my children did not talk to me. So no one was honoring me on Father's Day. I spend most holidays alone. I don't decorate for Christmas or spend December building up to Christmas with special events and traditions. The way the church has traditionally tried to minister to people like me is to encourage families to invite their single friends into their celebrations. Some of us though don't want to infringe on someone else's family gathering. It might be socially awkward and make us feel the spotlight is on us.

I think it would be nice to be acknowledged in some simple way. Just add something like "We know there are some of you who will be celebrating alone or not being honored. While we welcome you to join us in our family gatherings we understand that might not be right for you. Just know you are part of God's family and no matter if you celebrate alone or with family, no matter if your kids honor you or ignore you, God sees and knows. We are all God's children no matter our circumstance. You are not forgotten."

Too often we try to force singles to be part of some family if not their own as we believe no one should be alone at the holidays but sometimes I prefer to be alone. It would just be nice to have some mention because it is so easy to feel you don't fit in. Accept that some of us might not be ready to join some group. We might need time to heal on our own.

Make sense? Anyone attend a church that makes mention of the single and alones?

 

[Swan7]

The church is supposed to be a "family", children of God celebrating, worshipping and praising Him! Church shouldn't be looked at as some book club function. The focus on God seems to be lost in a lot of "churches".

I am so blessed to have what I have, live where I live and only He makes me move. My only suggestion, if it hasn't been done already, is to ask God and talk to Him about what it is you are feeling. He cares! Psalm 139

 

[Paulie079]

My pastors are really gifted in shepherding, and do such a good job of acknowledging those who might be experiencing negative emotions on certain holidays. They also do a good job of providing opportunities for everyone, single or married, to be in community with others.

Although you may not be acknowledged publicly, one thing that I think can be neglected that I think is really important is to pursue relationships with other people in church where you can talk about those things. You can be honest about your feelings and struggles in the place that you're in. That's a really great way of being able to be acknowledged that you have control over rather than waiting for it to happen from up front.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

My pastors are really gifted in shepherding, and do such a good job of acknowledging those who might be experiencing negative emotions on certain holidays. They also do a good job of providing opportunities for everyone, single or married, to be in community with others.

Although you may not be acknowledged publicly, one thing that I think can be neglected that I think is really important is to pursue relationships with other people in church where you can talk about those things. You can be honest about your feelings and struggles in the place that you're in. That's a really great way of being able to be acknowledged that you have control over rather than waiting for it to happen from up front.

Yeah not saying the "people up front" have to do this. Just saying it would be nice. I am an extreme case. I don't really talk to people at church beyond greetings. I have been in groups in the past and with my social anxiety they never worked out for me. I prefer contact like a forum.