U
UnitynLove
Guest
Learning to Like Yourself
Did you know that you and I have to learn to deal with our DO separate from our WHO? The fact is, I don't DO everything right all the time, but that doesn't affect WHO I am. I know I'm loved and that I'm still a good person. I have made mistakes in my lifeand I'm sure I'll make mistakes in the futurebut I still like myself.
If you like yourselfeven though nobody else mayyou will make it. When you start to like yourself, other people will begin to like you too. Liking yourself does not mean you are full of prideit simply means you accept yourself as the person God created you to be. We all need changes in our behavior, but accepting ourselves as God's creation is vital to our progress in becoming an emotionally healthy person.
If we can master this one thingliking ourselvesit will work wonders in helping us to overcome a shame-based nature. Let me explain to you what I mean.
Many people live under what I call the curse of failure. They can never do anything they set out to do. They're always failing, always messing up, always getting disappointed, discouraged, and depressed. They don't like who they are because they have adopted a shame-based nature.
For a long time I didn't like my personalityand since my personality is who I am, I didn't like me. I didn't want to be as bold and straightforward as I am. I didn't want to be so direct and blunt.
I wanted to be like one of my friends. She had a real gift of being sweet and kind and gentle. What I didn't realize is that she was just born that wayand I wasn't. Because I didn't like my personality and who I was, I tried to change myself. I wanted to be more like my friend. I tried to be the perfect woman, the ideal wife and mother who grew her own tomatoes and canned them, made jelly, sewed her family's clothes, and on and on.
It didn't work. It was the old story of trying to fit the round peg in the square hole. I was just trying to be something I wasn't. Finally, I had to learn to accept myself the way I was and let go of the idea of being like someone else. I began to realize that, although I did need to change some areas of my life, "who I was" would never change.
When a person has a shame-based nature, as I did, it becomes the source or root of many complex inner problems like depression, loneliness, isolation, and alienation. All kinds of compulsive disorders are rooted in shame: drug, alcohol, and other chemical addictions; eating disorders like bulimia, anorexia, and obesity; money addictions like stinginess and gambling; sexual perversions of all kindsthe list is endless.
For example, "workaholism" is a very destructive compulsive disorder in our society today. There are people who are such workaholics that they can never enjoy life. Unless they are working day and night they feel irresponsible. In fact, some people are like I wasif they are enjoying themselves, they feel guilty about it.
Another example of a destructive disorder is perfectionism. Some people are tormented by perfectionism because of abuse or some other negative situation in their past. They keep trying to be perfect in order to win the attention and affection they feel they were denied. People who live with these disorders set themselves up for failure. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves, and when they ultimately fail, they feel badly about themselves. They make impossible schedules and then make themselvesand everyone else around themmiserable because they are constantly rushing around.
Workaholics and perfectionists are just two examples of the types of people who really haven't learned to simply like who they are. Shame, because of something they may have done in their past, has caused them to dislike themselves. Remember, you must separate your DO from your WHO. You are a unique and special individual, with God-given talents and skills, and even though you may have made mistakes in the past, it's time to move on and learn to like yourself!
Did you know that you and I have to learn to deal with our DO separate from our WHO? The fact is, I don't DO everything right all the time, but that doesn't affect WHO I am. I know I'm loved and that I'm still a good person. I have made mistakes in my lifeand I'm sure I'll make mistakes in the futurebut I still like myself.
If you like yourselfeven though nobody else mayyou will make it. When you start to like yourself, other people will begin to like you too. Liking yourself does not mean you are full of prideit simply means you accept yourself as the person God created you to be. We all need changes in our behavior, but accepting ourselves as God's creation is vital to our progress in becoming an emotionally healthy person.
If we can master this one thingliking ourselvesit will work wonders in helping us to overcome a shame-based nature. Let me explain to you what I mean.
Many people live under what I call the curse of failure. They can never do anything they set out to do. They're always failing, always messing up, always getting disappointed, discouraged, and depressed. They don't like who they are because they have adopted a shame-based nature.
For a long time I didn't like my personalityand since my personality is who I am, I didn't like me. I didn't want to be as bold and straightforward as I am. I didn't want to be so direct and blunt.
I wanted to be like one of my friends. She had a real gift of being sweet and kind and gentle. What I didn't realize is that she was just born that wayand I wasn't. Because I didn't like my personality and who I was, I tried to change myself. I wanted to be more like my friend. I tried to be the perfect woman, the ideal wife and mother who grew her own tomatoes and canned them, made jelly, sewed her family's clothes, and on and on.
It didn't work. It was the old story of trying to fit the round peg in the square hole. I was just trying to be something I wasn't. Finally, I had to learn to accept myself the way I was and let go of the idea of being like someone else. I began to realize that, although I did need to change some areas of my life, "who I was" would never change.
When a person has a shame-based nature, as I did, it becomes the source or root of many complex inner problems like depression, loneliness, isolation, and alienation. All kinds of compulsive disorders are rooted in shame: drug, alcohol, and other chemical addictions; eating disorders like bulimia, anorexia, and obesity; money addictions like stinginess and gambling; sexual perversions of all kindsthe list is endless.
For example, "workaholism" is a very destructive compulsive disorder in our society today. There are people who are such workaholics that they can never enjoy life. Unless they are working day and night they feel irresponsible. In fact, some people are like I wasif they are enjoying themselves, they feel guilty about it.
Another example of a destructive disorder is perfectionism. Some people are tormented by perfectionism because of abuse or some other negative situation in their past. They keep trying to be perfect in order to win the attention and affection they feel they were denied. People who live with these disorders set themselves up for failure. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves, and when they ultimately fail, they feel badly about themselves. They make impossible schedules and then make themselvesand everyone else around themmiserable because they are constantly rushing around.
Workaholics and perfectionists are just two examples of the types of people who really haven't learned to simply like who they are. Shame, because of something they may have done in their past, has caused them to dislike themselves. Remember, you must separate your DO from your WHO. You are a unique and special individual, with God-given talents and skills, and even though you may have made mistakes in the past, it's time to move on and learn to like yourself!
