Thank you everyone for your encouragment and support. Y'all are great!
Part of learning how to be single is learning how to interact with people of the opposite sex in an appropriate way. I had not learned how to be friends with men. I know how to avoid them, which is what I have done most of my life. I also know how to pursue them in an effort to "beat them to it." I've been assaulted so if I can't avoid a man then I want to demand it from him before he can take if from me. It's a faulty defense tactic, which is really just a false sense of security leading to sin. So, I'm able to avoid (I'm very good at this one!), or I can be intimate. I don't know how to do much in between.
My therapists has been working with me to help me learn how to be friends with men. He had me begin by meeting men online on Christian forums and message boards, then moving to e-mails. I've gotten very good that. Then he has been having me move into face-to-face friendships with men. I've been able to speak with my pastor fairly easily. My cousin's husband and my sister's boyfriend have been good exposure to interacting appropriately. But I've kind of got slowed up because if you weren't family, or close to it, or my pastor or therapists, then I struggled with "fight (pursue) or flight."
BUT, I had a breakthrough!
Last night at church I met a man who is very nice and kind. He is gentle, mild, quiet.
It was kind of embarrassing how we met. We were having a church fellowship, and getting to know people because it's huge, but with two services because there's not room for everyone to attend a single service. So our pastor preaches twice each Sunday morning.
So, anyway, I had never seen this man before. I was trying to keep to myself instead of meeting people like I was supposed to.
He stoped near where I was sitting to talk to an older leader in our church about men's ministry. They are really trying to get something going; it's become a major burden for them.
I could not help but be drawn into their conversation. I watched and eaves droped as they talked. They were so passionate and deeply moved to act on this call. They spoke and listened to each other intently. The older man kept making reference to the young man's girlfriend (which got a strange facial expressions from the young man), and how the women's ministry was blessing the women of our church. They want the same for the men, only in a manly way!
Then when their conversation drew to an end, the older man said, "I'll let you go so you can eat with your girlfriend," and he motioned toward me.
We both looked like this:
We both said, "No! We're not...she's (I'm) not...uhh..."
The man appologized, and said that he made the assumption because I was sitting there, watching, listening, being nosey...
I made the assumption that the you man did have a girlfriend and had mentioned it to the older man, which is why the guy thought I was a girlfriend (rather than a wife) in the first place. So I thought I would invite his girlfriend to Cowgirls of Faith meetings. It is a ministry team, and to be a part of it, you already need to be a Christian. I asked him if his girlfriend is a Christian, and he said, "I don't have a girlfriend."
Then I asked him if he said that he was divorced because I heard the word mentioned when he was talking with the other man. He said that he was, and I told him that I am in the process of that right now.
He began asking me questions about how it was progressing and if there were any problems with it. I explained briefly what was going on with all of the legalities. He was concerned and empathized with me. He told me that he would pray for me.
I feel refreshed. He was so serious, but so sweet. He was sincere. He was not the least bit intimidating. I had no desire to run from him, or pounce on him. I felt drawn to talk to him, but I did not feel inappropriate desires. I spoke to him boldly and with confidence, rather than feeling insecure.
Today, I keep thinking about him. I'm not even sure what his name is; I can't remember. My thoughts of him are fond, but not inappropriate, and I don't feel the need to avoid him again. Infact, I'd like to be his friend. I'd love the oportunity to speak with him more. I don't think I would have difficulty trusting him at all.
Is this what it feels like to be friends with the opposite sex?
