Leader?

[plum]

Who is the leader in your relationship?

women: is your man a leader? is he a G-dly leader? And what does this look like? Please be practical if you can.. i like real life illustrations.
If he's not, do you think this should change? Do you mind being the leader? Is that your role?

men: are you a leader? what does that mean to you personally? have you seen it acted out in a G-dly manner that you can emulate? Was your father a leader? Is your SO the leader? what do you think about that, if so? Do you enjoy not having that leadership role? Is it your role?

Please take the time to think this through. I'm looking into what G-dly leadership looks like in real life and would love to hear thouhgts on this big topic


ps: this is not about submission or debate.

 

[miss_klara]

I'm in an interesting place. I am the 'core' leader of a youth group, which means it is my responsibility to take care of the spiritual/emotional needs of my team of leaders, who then take care of the spiritual/emotional needs of the kids. My boyfriend happens to be one of my team. When we're doing anything to do with youth group, when we're in the church office, at meetings, etc, I am very much the leader, and have to take on that role even in his case. He submits to that and respects that, but then beyond youth group he is very much the leader in our relationship, and I love it. I don't like the fact that we have to do this changing around thing, it's a little strange, and I've spoken to my own Core leader about it. But I guess it's good because it's a strong reminder that anything we do for youth group is professional, and our relationship is kind of on the side of that.

So I guess, when looking at the relationship overall, I'd say he is the leader. I don't know how to explain what this looks like... maybe I need to feed off some other responses, lol....

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

My fiance has quite a few disabilities. By this I mean try Asbergers with ADHD, an anxiety disorder, Tourette's syndrome, plus Lupus.
The lupus alone is enough to keep a person weak. The Tourette's is enough to make a person laugh at you. The ADHD makes it difficult to concentrate, and the anxiety makes it so you are afraid a lot. The Asberger's makes it difficult to really say what you are feeling.
Because of this I tend to be more of the mental and emotional leader, and my strength helps him be able to carry on and help me whenever I get down with my ADHD and Tourette's. Yes, I have experience in some of this, which makes me able to handle it.

Spiritually, however, I try to let him lead, and he is doing a pretty good job at it.

 

[sunshineray]

Hmm, it's funny because I don't think that either of us are the leaders in our relationship. Depending on the situation, one of us may take the leader role... but we're pretty much equal in how much we lead each other or guide the relationship.

 

[bliz]

I do not understand why a relationship between two people requires a leader. I was always under the impression that a marriage was a partnership.

 

[Leanna]

Who is the leader in your relationship? is your man a leader? is he a G-dly leader? And what does this look like?

No one is the leader, we work as a team. It works really well too because we met and fell and love as equals and so when we married we continued the same way. No one was the leader when we were dating either. We each have our own strengths. My husband is a Godly man, thus a Godly partner. It looks like this: when deciding what to do on a Saturday we each name the things we want to do or need to do. Then we put them in a logical order so that it can all get done, sometimes eliminating a few things if there are too many activities. Sometimes we eliminate something I want to do, sometimes something he wants to do. Then the next time we do the other persons choices more readily. Then there was the time we were deciding whether to move or not. I didn't want to, but he did. We decided to "just go for it" and we moved. I am glad we did. So you see sometimes I allow him to make the final decision, and sometimes he allows me to make the final decision. Neither of us is dominant, we give to one another.

If he's not, do you think this should change?

I do not think this should change because I do not think that a marriage needs a leader.

men: Was your father a leader?

I think I can answer this one for my husband. My father-in-law is definitely a "leader." Neither of us appreciate the way this acts out in his parent's marriage because he makes a lot more of the decisions than his mother, but he does have a strong personality. His grandpa was the same way with his grandma until he passed away last year, and now my grandma gets to do more of what she wants to do. My in laws do have a good marriage, but we do not feel this is the best way.

I find sometimes that people are trying too hard to fit into the traditional model of "man in charge" and get upset when their husbands do not behave the way they envision. I did that at first with my husband, we were doing okay but I was internally frustrated that he didn't boss me around more or how I envisioned "leadership" (um, isn't that kinda weird?). Then I realized that it didn't make sense and then I studied more about it and came to peace-- we are a team.

 

[Johnnz]

Forget the leadership issue. In the NT the writers never used any common greek words for people in authority within the Christian community. They used the language of servanthood, the lowest status available in those days.

John
NZ

 

[feesha]

he is

he leads by being responsible for both our hearts. he leads so well and so often that i feel guilty for putting that responsibility on him.
he leads by making the final decision in our mutual conflicts. if we are arguing about communication, the final decision is something he needs to approve before we go forward. we don't go forward with a solution until he reasons it well and we are in agreement.

i don't think i'm left out in the decision process and i also don't feel like i could do as good a job. (i'm not envious of his position at all :/) instead i think he is more rational and practical than me and is able to make better decisions based on his ability. he studies the bible, prays for our relationship often, and i trust him completely (even tough i said i didn't trust you last night)

see what i mean? i'm more emotional and not as consistent as him. i'm this blob of feeling and he's able to see through what he wants and make a decision based on what is right.