Lateness

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Do any of you have "partners" that never show up on time??? Does this bother you? How do you deal with this? My bf has a problem with showing up on time to things...unless it benefits him (work, etc). When it comes to me though he continously puts his work before me. He knows I don't like him showing up late, yet he still often neglects to call and let me know (even though he has a cell phone)...or if he tells me that he is going to be over at a certain time he can't excuse himself from his time with other people in order to arrive on time. How do I deal with this when it really bothers me? How can I believe that he cares about spending time with me when he shows up late when it comes to me...but when it comes to people who pay him....he can be on time and even take up time he is supposed to spend with me to spend with them. What to do?

 

[MN John]

I just posted in another thread that my SO's lateness is something that I am learning how to deal with. The #1 thing in my opinion is to make sure that you are always communicating well enough and thoroughly enough that he knows exactly how it makes you feel and how you react to it. Talking about it should help you two understand each other more. You should understand his problem with promptness and he should understand your problem with his lateness. Then this should lead to some adjustments of expectations and behavours on both sides. You've got to communicate all the time about everything, not just what bothers you. Then he'll know you well enough to know whay his behaviour bothers you and you'll know him well enough to undersatnd why it is so hard for him.

Peace.

 

[Inperfected]

It's hard, but sometimes there are things you just have to accept. For me, this was one of them. My fiance has a bad habit of saying he'll be somewhere at a ceratin time, or leave at a certain time, and guess is, we or he won't. Let him know about those really important ones, and let it drift for the rest... If he's not being pestered all the time, he'll be a lot better about it when he is being. Honestly, is it WAY important that he comes to see you at 7pm or is 7:30 just as good?

Another way is to say something like, i want to spend say 2 hours with you tonight, and it must be before 11pm. That way, he's got the choice as to when he comes, but will have a limit on it, and can't leave early.

It's hard, but sometiems us girls, and our "must be promptness" is the problem... are you late often? I do often... and i still get grumpy at him... Must learn not to do that.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Yep, my bf is basically always late for me. Not for much of anything else, but for me he is. He's on time for work, baseball, etc. I've told him, and basically said he has a 20 minute window on either side. If he isn't going to make it in that time he needs to call, which he is also very bad about. I've learned to pretty well let it slide. He knows it drives me nuts! He can't seem to change it though, so just gotta learn to accept it. Fun huh? Feel free to PM, sounds like we have a lot in common.

 

[Leanna]

I dated a guy once in high school who was always late for two years. I would get so mad. He is still a good friend of my husband's. He is still always late. And it still makes me mad! Grrrr. What really makes me extra mad about it, is he will call 30 minutes late and say "I'll be there in 5 minutes!!" and then it will be another 25 minutes. My husband says he has been in the car with him when he calls his wife and tells her it will be 5 minutes and they will be all the way on the other side of town and its obvious he won't get there.

Anyway, no advice, but I know how you feel. I couldn't handle it very well either.

 

[LynzLovedByCHRIST]

Yeah, my guy is sometimes late too. At one time I was feeling like you too. I decided to pray about it, though, before I talked to him about it. And it has gotten a lot better. I mean, anymore, he is actually right on time or maybe 5 or 10 minutes late. I realized that it didn't have to do an awful lot with his feelings towards me. I also let him know that if he thought he might be more than 20 or so minutes late, to just give me a call and let me know. He sounds a good bit like your guy too- he is never late for things that concern just him, like class, church (we go to different ones), or meeting up with the other members of the jazz band for a performance of theirs. Work doesn't really count, because it's his dad's business, and he just goes to work when he gets out of class and if they tell him to go in to do something on Saturday mornings.

So, honestly, my suggestion is to pray about it first, if you haven't been already. Give God a little time to work and see what happens.

 

[bumblebee62331]

I often find myself waiting at the train station for an hour or so after my train pulled in. He doesn't call me to tell me he'll be later than expected. I comfort myself with a book and a jumper.

It's a bit out of the way and sometimes I don't feel very safe. Once I had to phone a friend just so that I was talking to someone in case a dodgy-looking guy who was on the pay phone, attacked me.

I usually get mad at him for being late, but it doesn't last long.

 

[Cordelia]

Lateness really gets on my nerves too - it's the very height of bad manners, when you yourself make the effort to be on time... These days I just smile sweetly and say, "Where've you been?" and hope he gets my sarcasm!

 

[keyz]

A thing I've learned about lateness is to move on with your life. If someone can't respect me to be on time and then doesn't let me know, then I got things to do in my life.

I can't say this has even been a problem with me and my girlfriend, but in my relationships with other friends I've had to set higher boundaries. If you want to be with me, make an effort. Don't abuse my time either. Usually I don't mind if somebody calls when they know they are going to be late, but when I show up somewhere on time and then the person arrives 20 minutes late... that is a 20 minutes I just wasted in waiting for them.

So for the people who are usually late, I take my time in getting to our appointments. If they have no problems being late themselves then I don't know why they would have a problem with me being late too (I should add.. I don't mean revenge... I just mean having freedom to take the time I need)? I guess what I'm saying is don't keep dropping your entire world for someone else who is disrespectful to you. I guess some would view it as "normal" but I view it as disrespect to be really late.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Yep, my bf is basically always late for me. Not for much of anything else, but for me he is. He's on time for work, baseball, etc. I've told him, and basically said he has a 20 minute window on either side. If he isn't going to make it in that time he needs to call, which he is also very bad about. I've learned to pretty well let it slide. He knows it drives me nuts! He can't seem to change it though, so just gotta learn to accept it. Fun huh? Feel free to PM, sounds like we have a lot in common.

I understand completly! I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one with this problem so that I can reassure myself that this is somewhat normal for guys and it doesn't mean that he cares for me less. It seems like girls are the ones who want the guys to show up on time...hehe...even though in movies the guys are always waiting for the girls to get ready to go someplace...lol...that is rarely me. I'm usually ready to go already!

For the most part my bf is doing a lot better with lateness. If he remembers he will call me and tell me he is going ot be late. I have given him a window of error too, so that he can be a little late. Usually though if he just calls me then I am fine with it. Can't understand why he can't just call all the time when he has a cell and save us some disagreements. Lol. I guess guys don't think like us!!!!! (Nope, they sure don't).

 

[LiveLaughLove]

My fiance is possibly one of the least punctual people I have ever met in my life. He is usually about 15 minutes late for everything but work and church. He used to be even worse, but I have seen a drastic improvement over the past couple of years.

For the first little bit of our relationship, I got really offended and upset that he was late all the time, but then I started seeing that he wasn't just late coming to see me: he was late for practically *everything*. It's just how he is. Now I find it to be rather funny and a little endearing...plus it's something I get to tease him about, and justifiably so! I have learned to just take my time to get somewhere if I am meeting him, and if he comes to pick me up at my apartment, it's really no big deal if he's late because I usually have some things I can do while I wait.

There have been a few times that I have been with him when we were supposed to meet someone somewhere, and I--being a very punctual person for everything except my classes --will get him to leave in enough time to be there at the agreed upon time...and I believe the fact that he wasn't late gave the people we were meeting a heart attack!

~ Regina ~

 

[Thenolos]

In my own tardiness I am not trying to say: "I like my personal time more than you." or "I like and care about work more than you." It's more like: "I'm not the kind of person that likes to be on a time schedule or in a rush."

My fiance probably had problems with this early on, but she eventually realized that there was no evil behind it, and that it was just the kind of personality I have. Most tardy people dislike the fact that they are often late, but not enough to turn life into a constant rush.

That's my view anyway...

 

[MN John]

I find it interesting that so far I am the exception to the rule that the male is the late one in each relationship.

 

[Leanna]

My husband is not late Sometimes, in fact, he is rushing me. His father and grandfather believe in getting to places extraordinarily early. So early IMHO its rude. I try to be exactly on time, my husband likes to be a bit early but on time works for him too.

 

[ChasingADream]

Do any of you have "partners" that never show up on time??? Does this bother you? How do you deal with this? My bf has a problem with showing up on time to things...unless it benefits him (work, etc). When it comes to me though he continously puts his work before me. He knows I don't like him showing up late, yet he still often neglects to call and let me know (even though he has a cell phone)...or if he tells me that he is going to be over at a certain time he can't excuse himself from his time with other people in order to arrive on time. How do I deal with this when it really bothers me? How can I believe that he cares about spending time with me when he shows up late when it comes to me...but when it comes to people who pay him....he can be on time and even take up time he is supposed to spend with me to spend with them. What to do?

My bf does the same thing. Sometimes he comes home even 5 hours later than he promissed. He gets mad at me when I get sad but it's hard to believe he loves me since he knows how bad it hurts me and he doesn't care. It's not like it's just every once in a while, he does it every time. He's doing it now as I write this to be honest.

 

[miss_klara]

LOL I know this is a really old thread, but what do people think??

I for one completely 'get' this entire thread!! Chris is late to pretty much everything. My family generally tells him (when he's coming for dinner) that dinner will be served half an hour earlier than we actually serve it!! He just doesn't have a great concept of time... He'll have a list of things to do, say: have a shower, shave, brush his teeth, put some clothes in the wash, make his bed, feed the cat, etc... and say "I'll be there in 15 minutes". LOL plus he'll sometimes get distracted and end up laying on his bed reading a chapter from his book or something. It can drive me nuts. A couple of times he's been realllllly late, and I've said through gritted teeth "Next time... please... call and let me know so I'm not waiting around wondering where you are for an hour!!!!"
He struggled with getting to work on time for a while, but he received an official warning and has arrived early ever since, and I'm so proud of him for that!!

Lateness has always been one of my hugest pet peeves, so it's kinda ironic that it's his weakness. Having said that, IMO he's perfect in every other way and I'll take him exactly how he is I know I certainly have my flaws!!!!

 

[California Dreamin']

The first night Andrew came to my house (he asked me to be his girlfriend that same night), he was extremely late. It should only take 10 minutes and I can't remember how long I waited, an hour or more. I finally ended up calling him and he totally went to the wrong community and everything. He had my number but it was on his computer, I figured if he got lost he could call. Oh well. Then one day he never showed up at all. He is a lot better now.

 

[emilina22]

i have this problem too....he has a problem with being late..late to pick me up..late for church...late for work...late in general..im always joking with him that hes actually going to late for our wedding!!! almost 6 years of lateness and i just had to learn how to deal with it...and it was not easy!

 

[Blank123]

i can't say its been a problem for us considering the only times he's been late to come see me when i've been down visiting is when he's had car troubles or traffic was bad or my flight got in early so he couldn't be expected to be there when i was ready to go

 

[Ceili]

Mine is 50/50 but usually he gets sidetracked. People tend to migrate towards him and he's too polite to say he has to get going and end a conversation. I need to work with him on this!