- Apr 24, 2007
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When I was in HS I had this buddy. I was going through some stuff with my folks at the time and was in the middle of a rebellious phase. He was in a similar type of position with his parents, so we clicked pretty well. For a couple of years we were kinda the angsty HS kids listening to Pink Floyd, thinking we were wiser than everyone else, etc.
I remember he had this one girlfriend - who didn't really like me all that much. I can't say I blamed her. I was also at the height of my atheist period - and loved to try to instill as much doubt into believer's heads as I could. She was REALLY Christian - so she was a prime target for my trolling. She wasn't particularly bright, and there was something kinda "off" about her.
My friend was in the midst of that "I want sex badly" phase that most teenage guys go through - and she wouldn't give it up. So that led to a bunch of tension between them - which led to a couple of stupid decisions on her part that made absolutely no sense to anyone - which inevitably led to their breakup.
After that - he started dating this other girl that was the exact opposite. She gave it up right away. But she was equally wonky in other ways as the Christian girl was. She was a bit younger than us (14 - we were 17) - and she couldn't tell the truth to save her life about anything. Just a habitual liar.
Well, he ended up knocking her up. He came to me after school one day and told me he was going to be a dad. I asked what he was going to do about it. Were they going to have an abortion? Put it up for adoption? But he told me that none of those were options. Abortion wasn't off the table because of any principled stand about it (believing it was wrong/etc) - but rather because "she had already had so many that she couldn't have another without jeopardizing her ability to have kids in the future."
What? At 14, this girl has had so many abortions that she can't have any more? What the heck is that?
A few nights later we were hanging out at the beach - and he asked me to be the godfather of the child. I told him no. I couldn't be a part of that. I didn't see this going anywhere good - and that all things considered - I thought it was going to lead to a path of ruination. If I accepted being the godfather of the child - it would be like I was saying I approved of what was going on - and as his friend I didn't.
Well, as you can imagine, that went over really well. Our friendship effectively ended at that point. He was upset. There was some other jerk waiting off on the side just aching for "best friend status" who was more than happy to volunteer for the position of godfather...and to commiserate about what a horrible person I was. For a few years going forward - I heard how he would tell everyone that would listen how stuck up I was.
Fast forward about 20 years. I get a random friend request on Facebook from him. We catch up briefly. As predicted - that relationship with the 14 year old didn't last very long and ended with a lot of drama. He was now married to that original Christian girl from back in HS. They weren't financially well off - but they were at least above water. He asked why we lost touch, I didn't want to go into it again, so I just passed it off as "I had my thing to do, you had yours, it happens in life".
Fast forward about another 2 years. On Facebook I see it's his birthday - so I send a random "Hey - happy birthday - hope you're doing well man!"
The next day I get a random message from some girl - his daughter - asking how I know him. Well, not exactly HIS daughter, but rather the Christian Girl's daughter from a previous marriage. I have a little conversation with her, fill her in on who I am, turns out she's heard about me, etc. The reason she was asking was because apparently about 2 months before that - he had been busted selling drugs out in front of his house. Heroin, Meth, etc. When the cops came in, they found a ton of drugs in his place, all within reach of their young son.
So he goes to jail, apparently the Christian girl (wife) was involved as well, so the kid gets taken into protective custody.
The daughter tells me about all of this, and we have a pleasant conversation where I offered whatever support I could.
Ten months later I hear from her again - and turns out he's just been released. The Christian girl (mom) is apparently still doing a lot of drugs and is out on the street. I talk with her for a while about the past, offer an ear to listen to, etc. After talking for about an hour or two - I think everything that needed to be said was said.
Fast forward about another 2 years - two nights ago I had a random thought about them - wondered how they were all doing - if everything had calmed down and everyone was back on their feet/etc. So I ping her again on FB with a quick "Hey, was just thinking about you all, and wanted to know how everything worked out? Everyone doing good now?
. "
No reply. It's late. So I go to trusty Google to search for their names.
First thing I come across is the Christian girl's obituary from last year. Guess she never got herself clean - and died of an overdose. Don't know where he is - I couldn't find anything about him. After finding the obituary - I sent a second message saying "I just saw, and I probably should have googled first. Hope you're all ok." I haven't heard back - nor do I really expect to.
I keep thinking about that night on the beach when I turned him down on the godfather request - and my reasoning. Sometimes it's not good to be "right".
I remember he had this one girlfriend - who didn't really like me all that much. I can't say I blamed her. I was also at the height of my atheist period - and loved to try to instill as much doubt into believer's heads as I could. She was REALLY Christian - so she was a prime target for my trolling. She wasn't particularly bright, and there was something kinda "off" about her.
My friend was in the midst of that "I want sex badly" phase that most teenage guys go through - and she wouldn't give it up. So that led to a bunch of tension between them - which led to a couple of stupid decisions on her part that made absolutely no sense to anyone - which inevitably led to their breakup.
After that - he started dating this other girl that was the exact opposite. She gave it up right away. But she was equally wonky in other ways as the Christian girl was. She was a bit younger than us (14 - we were 17) - and she couldn't tell the truth to save her life about anything. Just a habitual liar.
Well, he ended up knocking her up. He came to me after school one day and told me he was going to be a dad. I asked what he was going to do about it. Were they going to have an abortion? Put it up for adoption? But he told me that none of those were options. Abortion wasn't off the table because of any principled stand about it (believing it was wrong/etc) - but rather because "she had already had so many that she couldn't have another without jeopardizing her ability to have kids in the future."
What? At 14, this girl has had so many abortions that she can't have any more? What the heck is that?
A few nights later we were hanging out at the beach - and he asked me to be the godfather of the child. I told him no. I couldn't be a part of that. I didn't see this going anywhere good - and that all things considered - I thought it was going to lead to a path of ruination. If I accepted being the godfather of the child - it would be like I was saying I approved of what was going on - and as his friend I didn't.
Well, as you can imagine, that went over really well. Our friendship effectively ended at that point. He was upset. There was some other jerk waiting off on the side just aching for "best friend status" who was more than happy to volunteer for the position of godfather...and to commiserate about what a horrible person I was. For a few years going forward - I heard how he would tell everyone that would listen how stuck up I was.
Fast forward about 20 years. I get a random friend request on Facebook from him. We catch up briefly. As predicted - that relationship with the 14 year old didn't last very long and ended with a lot of drama. He was now married to that original Christian girl from back in HS. They weren't financially well off - but they were at least above water. He asked why we lost touch, I didn't want to go into it again, so I just passed it off as "I had my thing to do, you had yours, it happens in life".
Fast forward about another 2 years. On Facebook I see it's his birthday - so I send a random "Hey - happy birthday - hope you're doing well man!"
The next day I get a random message from some girl - his daughter - asking how I know him. Well, not exactly HIS daughter, but rather the Christian Girl's daughter from a previous marriage. I have a little conversation with her, fill her in on who I am, turns out she's heard about me, etc. The reason she was asking was because apparently about 2 months before that - he had been busted selling drugs out in front of his house. Heroin, Meth, etc. When the cops came in, they found a ton of drugs in his place, all within reach of their young son.
So he goes to jail, apparently the Christian girl (wife) was involved as well, so the kid gets taken into protective custody.
The daughter tells me about all of this, and we have a pleasant conversation where I offered whatever support I could.
Ten months later I hear from her again - and turns out he's just been released. The Christian girl (mom) is apparently still doing a lot of drugs and is out on the street. I talk with her for a while about the past, offer an ear to listen to, etc. After talking for about an hour or two - I think everything that needed to be said was said.
Fast forward about another 2 years - two nights ago I had a random thought about them - wondered how they were all doing - if everything had calmed down and everyone was back on their feet/etc. So I ping her again on FB with a quick "Hey, was just thinking about you all, and wanted to know how everything worked out? Everyone doing good now?
. "No reply. It's late. So I go to trusty Google to search for their names.
First thing I come across is the Christian girl's obituary from last year. Guess she never got herself clean - and died of an overdose. Don't know where he is - I couldn't find anything about him. After finding the obituary - I sent a second message saying "I just saw, and I probably should have googled first. Hope you're all ok." I haven't heard back - nor do I really expect to.
I keep thinking about that night on the beach when I turned him down on the godfather request - and my reasoning. Sometimes it's not good to be "right".
