To whom it may concern,
This is going to be long and I apologize if I waste too much of your time, but, for once in my life, I have to tell this story. After this at least someone will understand why whats going to happen happens. My life is nearing its finale, and though I havent been able to accomplish my dream Im hoping this can serve to carry on my legacy
I grew up the only son in my family. Ever since I was young my family cared very little for me. I was seen as a burden by all of them and we never had a good relationship. I never had a birthday party or a sleep over or anything really. Just food and cloths and a bed. As I got older I learned to hate my family. I have learning disabilities and my father would beat me and yell at me, my mother could care less about me; all she cared about was sitting in quite.
Eventually I made friends with a boy named Vincent. He was in a gang called the Latino kings and would get in trouble all the time. He dealt drugs, stole things, and even killed someone before he was 14, but
He was a brother to me. In a world where I wasnt wanted or accepted he was my boy. I eventually joined a gang myself, a gang known as the Bloods, but Vincent was still my boy, nothing could change that. I also met a girl because of the gangs relationships; her brother was a member of some Asian gang I still cant pronounce the name of. Her name was Yue (U-A).
Those two were the only influences on me at that point of my life. Vincent was the second youngest in a family of 14. His father had walked out on them and his mother struggled to take care of them. He loved his mother and viewed himself as a burden on his family. He eventually ran away and lived with other members of the kings. Yue
she was so beautiful. I can always remember her smile. About half of her face had a terrible burn mark where her father had thrown hot water on her during an argument with her mother.
I remember how I and Vince used to talk about taking over the New York gangs and making things better. I remember how Yue would get mad at me and start yelling cause she didnt know how else to show she cared, and wed always just end up looking at each other and laughing. I remember how much Vincent hated it when I gave him nicknames like Vince and Vinnie. And I remember fantasizing about what life would be like if Yue and I started a family, and she would always smile because she said the kids would look like me
Even though Ive never been able to see it Vincent and Yue both saw something special in me. Ive always been idealistic; Ive always wanted to make things better for people like us. Once I was talking to Yue about a group of kids I was told to teach a lesson for stealing drugs from the Bloods. She sat there quietly for a while curled up in a little ball until she finally couldnt take anymore. She came over to me and slapped me across the face. She told me that
that I wasnt like those other people, that I was different, and that I shouldnt talk like them. I can still see the tears in her eyes as she yelled at me. I had always talked about wanting to make things better, but it was her words that made it real to me. Both Vincent and Yue told me I didnt belong in the gangs, that I could be something special.
They were persistent and after a while I didnt want to be part of the gangs anymore, but getting out wasnt that easy. I was working on a way out when the 9/11 terrorist attacks happened. I was just over 2 miles away but, never the less, I began to get sick. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I couldnt leave but I was not well enough to fulfill my obligations. I became a liability and, because of this, I was given a once in a lifetime opportunity, a way out.
A man known as Dickson, one of the local leaders, wanted me out because I couldnt carry my weight. The only way out was if you were dead so he made me a deal, he would shot me and just walk away. As far as he was concerned I was dead, so if I survived I would be free. Though it was a good deal I declined, I wasnt interested in getting shot and thought I could find another way. But I never got the chance to
Vincent went behind my back and called in a favor
One night he asked me to meet him at the ally, a huge ally between two project buildings where they kept the big dumpsters. When I got there I was greeted by Vincent and a group of Bloods. They shot Vincent once in the head and he died there. Dickson just looked at me and said you out. Then they all left. And I left too.
I convinced myself that leaving Vincents body there was the right thing to do. I didnt want to have his sacrifice be in vain, so I cut all ties that I had to that life
except Yue. When I told her what had happened she refused to talk to me. I couldnt understand then, but I think she was trying to protect me. She knew as long as I was with her I would be tied to the gangs. I wanted to find some way to make it work, but I never got the chance because one night, two weeks after Vincent was shot, Yue and her big brother went to the corner store and never came back. They found her brothers body but they never found hers
.. I still have no idea what happened to her.
No matter how many tears I shed for them it will never be enough. Its true that they gave me a life again, but the cost was far too great. Ive never been close to a woman since Yue, even though its been nearly ten years since. At night when I try to sleep I see Vincent getting shot again, it plays over and over. Sometimes I go days without sleep or just wake up crying hysterically, just like I am right now. But this was just the beginning of my pain
