Lame Joke Collection

[discipleofWORD]

Did you ever hear/read a joke so lame? Well, you have to admit it's funny because it makes sense. Go ahead and feel free to pour your collection into this thread! You have to admit, some jokes can be so lame that it's actually funny.

Be prepared to be (which is very rare)
Or be prepared to be (which is very common)

Bob: Hey Mary, are you taking calc?
Mary: No...I'm in Algebra 2...what makes you say that?
Bob: Because I saw your calculator.


<You survived the first joke!

 

[mbuc]

Bob: Hey Mary, are you taking calc?
Mary: No...I'm in Algebra 2...what makes you say that?
Bob: Because I saw your calculator.

There are bad jokes, and then there are jokes that are so bad they defy any attempt to describe how bad they are. This is definately one of the latter.

 

[Uzi_4_U]

Q: What do you call your breakfast of watery oatmeal?

A: A very grueling breakfast

That's my contribution to the lame joke center.

 

[Blake]

What do you say to your friend Gert when its time to eat?


YO GERT!

 

[Andre]

What do you say to your friend Gert when its time to eat?


YO GERT!

We got a winner!!!


There were two dogs flying, one look to the other and said:
Did you know dogs can't fly?
They both fell down...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------


There were 3 mice flying, one look to the others and said:
Did you know mice can't fly?
Two fell, one kept flying (He was the Supermouse)

 

[guitarchick]

There were 3 mice flying, one look to the others and said:
Did you know mice can't fly?
Two fell, one kept flying (He was the Supermouse)

that actually made me laugh!! thanks!!

 

[smile]

We got a winner!!!


There were two dogs flying, one look to the other and said:
Did you know dogs can't fly?
They both fell down...

Hah! I loved that one...even though its really corny..but it made me laugh.

Here are some...


What is the quickest way to make soup taste bad?------Change the U and A, and you have soap!

What is the slowest food a chef can prepare?-----turtle soup

What are the best letters to read when it's hot?----Fan mail

What illness did the chimney get?---the flue

What does a nut say when it sneezes?--"Cash-ew"

What secret invention makes it possible for people to walk though walls?-----doors

There ya go! Enjoy!

Kemper

 

[DJ B.K.]

Knock Knock?

Who's There?

The interupting cow

The interupting c.. MOO!!!

 

[Ben johnson]

Hickory Dickory Dock
Two mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one

...and the other performed MOUSE-TO-MOUSE RESUSCITATION...

 

[kmaxinator]

A magician says to his audience, "I want someone to come up here and smack me in the forehead with this sledgehammer." A construction worker comes up on the stage and says, "All right!!!" Ten years later, the magician wakes up out of his coma and goes, "Taa-daaa!!!"

 

[Ben johnson]

A magician discovered a TALKING RABBIT. For years he travelled the entertainment circle with his talented bunny, becoming rich and famous. But in its old age the rabbit became SNARLY and CRANKY. The rabbit began interrupting the act by saying things like, "It's up his SLEAVE, he's a FAKER." Or, "It's in his HAND he's a LOSER!"

The magician felt compelled to QUIT show-business. A nervous wreck, he decided to take a Caribbean cruise. But could not bear to be without his flop-eared-friend, with whom he had shared so many years of his life. But he THREATENED the rabbit: "You say ONE WORD this trip, and I will HAVE you for DINNER!"

The cruise was pleasant and relaxing; until one night, they STRUCK something! The cruise ship began to sink, and everyone raced for the lifeboats.

Days later, the magician found himself in a lifeboat, staring at his silent and sullen furry friend. Finally, the rabbit broke the silence: "OK ok, I give up; what did you do with the SHIP???"

 

[Ben johnson]

Did you hear that they tried to cross an ABOLONE with an aligator?

They thought they would get an ABOdile.

...but all they got was a croc-o-bolone...




"crock-o'-bologna"...

 

[laura_lynn]

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb??
.... well you know, the lightbulb has to want to change HIMSELF ....

A raspberry was driving to work one morning, and he crashed into a cherry riding his bike. The cherry says to the raspberry, "look what kind of a jam you got us into!!"

 

[Ormo]

Why did Bob fall off his bike?



Because someone threw a fridge at him.

 

[proudwitness]

~whats a dog's favorite button on the remote control?

Paws!(pause)

~Whats green and furry and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?

A pool table

~How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

.....Wanna ride a bike?

 

[Ben johnson]

Two men met at the JUDGMENT; one said, "How did YOU die?"
"Oh, it's embarassing."
"Can't be worse than how _I_ did!! Tell me!"
"well, I was EXECUTED; thought my wife was having an affair, came home early; rushed to the open balcony door, and saw a guy running away --- so I shoved a REFRIGERATOR off the balcony and it KILLED him; turns out he was just a JOGGER, and and, why are you LAUGHING?!"

The other man struggled for composure and said, "I was the JOGGER!"
"Hey, I'm sorry!"
"Don't sweat it; not like we can change it now. Small world, huh?"
"Sure is..."

Just then a THIRD man walked up. The two asked,"How did YOU die?"
"It's embarassing."
"Can't be worse than US; tell us!"

"Well, I'm ashamed to admit, I was having an AFFAIR with a married woman; one day her HUSBAND came home EARLY; and, well, there was this OLD REFRIGERATOR on the balcony, I jumped in to hide..."

 

[DJ B.K.]

Two men met at the JUDGMENT; one said, "How did YOU die?"
"Oh, it's embarassing."
"Can't be worse than how _I_ did!! Tell me!"
"well, I was EXECUTED; thought my wife was having an affair, came home early; rushed to the open balcony door, and saw a guy running away --- so I shoved a REFRIGERATOR off the balcony and it KILLED him; turns out he was just a JOGGER, and and, why are you LAUGHING?!"

The other man struggled for composure and said, "I was the JOGGER!"
"Hey, I'm sorry!"
"Don't sweat it; not like we can change it now. Small world, huh?"
"Sure is..."

Just then a THIRD man walked up. The two asked,"How did YOU die?"
"It's embarassing."
"Can't be worse than US; tell us!"

"Well, I'm ashamed to admit, I was having an AFFAIR with a married woman; one day her HUSBAND came home EARLY; and, well, there was this OLD REFRIGERATOR on the balcony, I jumped in to hide..."

LOL!

 

[onfyre4christ]

Why was the strawberry sad??

His mom was in a jam


How much does it cost the pirate to get his ears peirced?

a buck-an-ear

 

[Andre]

This really devoted pastor was riding on a NY cab, the driver was driving like crazy, swerving all over the place, then all of the sudent an 18-wheeler ran a red lite and t-boned the cab killing both of them.
They were in heaven and the cab driver was first in line, followed by the pastor, the driver came to the angel that was responsible for presenting them their heavenly house, the angel took the driver to these real nice manssion at the top of a beatifull hill, when the pastor saw that he was amazed and thought he would get something much better, then the angel took the pastor to this small wooden cabin by a swamp, the pastor was confused and ask the angel if there was a mistake, after all he was a pastor and preached his whole life and tithed and did good works, then the angel told him:
Well, it's simple, everytime you preached everybody slept and walked out of church thinking about anything but God, when the cab driver had a passenger, they wouldn't stop praying and they would walk out of the cab thanking God for sparing their life...

 

[Koryu]

How much does it cost the pirate to get his ears peirced?

a buck-an-ear

This ones a keeper! I have to remember it! lol!!