Kind of scared.....

[lara7]

Hello again!

I have not been posting for a while, but here I am back again.

My bf, who has bipolar, was admitted to hospital in January after breaking up with me, but we got back together, and he has assured me in every way that he wanted me back - he loves me - like he did when we first got together.

Since he got out of hospital in February we have been planning for the future regarding his illness, talking about signs and symptoms, making lists - I have even been with him twice to see his pdoc.

18th of May we had been together 8 months. After he came out of the hospital he was a little "weak" and became more dependant upon me. He even said a couple of times that he didn't deserve me. He promised that he would never break up with me again, and I promised the same to him. We even talked about getting engaged in June.

Now he is feeling better - more "himself" than in a long time, and he keeps saying that it's strange for him to have a relationship in this period....when he "comes back" from his illness. He is used to coping by himself, spending time alone, focusing on him. I have noticed that he has been less attentive towards me the last month, and I have had some issues with this lack of affection. I think the fact that he has broken up with me before, also makes me more "clingy" at times.

Yesterday we talked again, and I became scared when he told me that he felt that right now, our friendship was the most important thing for him. He didn't feel like being affectionate right now, didn't feel "in love". Still he doesn't want to break up with me, he wants to see how things go.

I was scared at first, cried a bit, but after he left, I called him and thanked him for his honesty. I know he has many issues he is facing in his life right now, and I know he sometimes is comparing himself to me - I have a job, many friends and an active social life - he is currently not working because of his illness and two of his closest friends have moved out of town, so he feels somewhat "on hold". I also know that he has struggled with the fact that after he came out of hospital, I became his therapist in many ways - because he didn't have any pdoc at the time. This can of course disturb the romance in a realtionship.

I really believe we can get through this - he has told me so many times that he loves me, and I really think he does - and I know that I love him dearly.

I feel that our relationship has faced so many difficulties in such a short while that this maybe is not a strange thing to happen. I have just decided to give him some space, try being the person he fell in love with, NOT being clingy and needy - but accepting what he needs right now.

If you have any other advice or comments - it will be greatly appreciated. Thanks a lot for reading my post.

 

[OneOfHisOwn]

I wish there was more I could say, but as a man who withdrew from my wife, because of my emotional pain and my feeling like I could not meet her needs, I can only in hind sight reflect on what I did wrong. I hope he will understand what is going on within his own heart and cooperate with you in seeking help. I hope he realizes what a wonderful woman he has found. Someone willing to love him despite the obvious difficulty he has committing. If he is in anyway like me (which may be all wrong), he might just be afraid to commit because he is afraid he won't "be there" to meet your needs because he knows that sometimes he feels incapable of doing so... This is more about him than you, although the "clinginess" which in my case was my wife constantly fearing I was having an affair - no trust even after years of faithfulness with respect to that aspect of the marriage - can drive him away. So go with your heart, you seem to get that part of it.

Some advice I saw elsewhere that might be appropriate:

A marriage or relationship cant survive without communication. We went to counseling, NAMI's family to family. And talked to others suffering in our same situation. Sounds like you could both use some coping skills.

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Se...TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=4&ContentID=39771

Also, there are support groups for family or significant others of those with bipolar illness - you might want to check with your county services.

Hope that helps - and that others here will add more.
If I had only known sooner - I might not have lost the love of my life.

Take care and God bless - I will be praying for you and your bf.

 

[lara7]

Hi!

Thank you so much for your reply.

My bf called me yesterday, and wanted to meet me at his family's house. It was great to see him again, and I know he felt the same way.

He is not really hurting now, the "problem" is that he is getting better and that means that we must change roles in our relationship. I believe that communication is the key here, and we are talking openly now.

I am a little less afraid now, and I believe that we can work this out. We are going to be together this weekend, I will appreciate if you could pray for the time we spend together now.

I am very sorry to hear abot your loss, and I will most certainly pray for you as well.

Thank you so much for comfort and kind words.

 

[Jeshu]

Hi!

Thank you so much for your reply.

My bf called me yesterday, and wanted to meet me at his family's house. It was great to see him again, and I know he felt the same way.

He is not really hurting now, the "problem" is that he is getting better and that means that we must change roles in our relationship. I believe that communication is the key here, and we are talking openly now.

I am a little less afraid now, and I believe that we can work this out. We are going to be together this weekend, I will appreciate if you could pray for the time we spend together now.

I am very sorry to hear abot your loss, and I will most certainly pray for you as well.

Thank you so much for comfort and kind words.

My thoughts and prayers are with you - great to hear barriers are coming down - love on.

Gerry