Kind act today from ex, hurts worse then the other stuff

[5kidmom]

So frustrating. We had a high drama initial separation when he decided to leave, it was bad, quite ad. It has mostly settled down after 20 months, and he is content to see the kids every other weekend and once a week, when he comes (he cancels frquently, or cuts his access quite short). Our last flare up was just after Christmas, and it's been pretty calm since, indifference on his part to the kids and me, for the most part.

One area, Iv'e let go, is child support. He pays, most of the ordered amount, not enough of a shortfall to make a difference, but enough that the shortage hurts. I just budget based on less. The alternative is to go without until the garnishment stuff kicks in (we have a cross border agreement, it would be a logistical nightmare to get it going in both countries), to the tune of 18 months or so. And once in Ontario, it is registered, the payor is required to stop paying the parent, and send it to the agency in charge, or wait until the garnishment kicks in., Or, so it was explained to me. Wit casual/part time work, babybonus in Canada, and support, we've done alright. Last week, I had a large, unexpected dental bill (no insurance as well - self insured for dental - OHIP covers our other medical expenses), that had to be done right away. Tonight, he brought full support for the first time in ages, and brought extra... not alot, but enough to help out for the next week, because of what happened.

So, I found myself crying because he was kind specifically to me. He's left, mvoed on, filed, etc, so it's not wanting to come back, but this is so out of character for him (even when we were married) to be generous with money, it floored me. I had to get a court order to get support at all for the 5 kids, so to pay more, blows me away.

THis hurts more then the blow ups, indifference, etc...Or at least it feels like it. I guess i just needed to vent it out.

 

[peacechild4]

Aww I understand.. when I am struggling with something like this.. and lets face it.. you go through the worst.. but somehow inside your heart still cares.. and good things let that trickle out.. that you still hurt over it all even though your suriviving and moving on.. Is see the good thing as from GOD.. to heal our hearts because our family is broken and unless we re-unite.. it will alway be broken so the good things help us heal again.. and have hope.. ((gentle hugs)) for all your going through.. your amazing.. you know that..

 

[Autumnleaf]

You see how it could have been and it hurts because if that was how it was it would still be. But its not because that isn't how he rolls when he's married to you. He's gone, its done and you are free of what was and open to what is to come.

 

[Tristan Johan]

Wow, this really resonated with me. Our situations are very different, but after a lot of uncertainty with my wife, she had me over a couple days ago for a date night of quality time. She made explicit an intention to avoid heavy topics (for my own sake, I have anxiety) and just have fun. And we did have a wonderful time together, and I was profoundly moved and grateful.

The next day, I spiralled down from a dead-inside apathy to a full on depressed feeling. It was such a downer to have that happen so shortly after a moment of carefree joy; given the past difficulties we've had.

 

[peacechild4]

I guess we all want the relationship completely restored.. and to remember the happy good times.. makes you miss all the other times... like coming home alone..

I wish there was an easy answer.. if only we could just enjoy it for what it was..