kids' friends

[janny108]

friends of your kids: do you feel like you should want to be friends with their moms? I know the answer is obvious, but how much of this is true? There are a few girls Ashley likes and vice versa but there appears to be no reciprocation to say get together.

 

[b.hopeful]

No. I mean, I want to know them and have open communication with them if they are really good friends but I don't need to be close to them. I think a lot has to do with the age of the child as well. My oldest is 13 so she does most of her socializing on her own. She has 2 REALLY good friends, about 6 close friends...and plenty of casual friends she meets up with at the movies or mall. I'm not friends with any of those parents...but I know the parents of the 2 really good friends really well because our kids are inseparable. My 9 yo has an assortment of friends that she has play dates with and I know the parents fairly well but we are not friends either. When they were not school aged...I was very active in a local playgroup and they were my friends first and our children were thrown together because of that. This all changed when they entered school full time.

 

[janny108]

so you are suggesting that when kids are say 11 and up they sort of choose their social life? We just don't know that many people and now I've started working and that changes things too.

 

[angelsamongus]

I am not at that point yet, but I know a few parents that are. I don't think you need to be friends with them, but do know them. SO if anything were to ever come up you knew you could at least talk to the parents. Also my mother-in-law had a strict rule that her son (my husband) couldn't spend the night anywhere unless she talked with the parents and knew them. TO the point that there weren't going to be any unsupervised events going on, while her son was there. Pretty much so you trust them with your child.

If you don't know that many people and are looking for friends, it might be an opportunity to meet some.

 

[Neenie1]

I am at the stage with most of my son's friends where I do know the parents and am happy for him to go to parties and things and I drop him off and leave him there. Sleepovers - no - I am nowhere near ready to let him have a sleepover, there's probably 2 parents I would be happy to leave him with for that, but that's it. He is 8

My daughter (4) I don't really know any of her friends from her preschool class. She has friends from church and friends that I know from different places but I already am friendly with the parents. Again, things are about to change next year when she is in school full time and I am going to have to start getting to know a different set of parents.

 

[janny108]

I guess it's different if you are an older parent. My daughter is the last one at home and I'm in my 50's, most other people we know are in their 30's.

 

[clep]

My son is seven and I am 40. Dad is 33. I know who my son's friends parents are, especially from volunteering at the school. I also care for children for a living and often care for my son's friends, more so through the summer.

If not in those cases, I still know who the parents are, but are not friends with them. We see each other for drop off and pick ups and that is about it.

 

[E-beth]

I do want to know the parents. My husband volunteers at our son's school, so he has met and introduced me to many of the other parents. I would feel more relaxed dropping off my eight-year-old at any of their houses for a playdate than I do when he is just next door at our next-door-neighbor's house. I don't know their parenting style, how much supervision the kids get, or anything else. I don't have to know my son's friends parents' family tree or credit scores, but I do want to know what kind of people they are and have a good enough relationship to keep each other's kids safe.

 

[Some Other Guy]

friends of your kids: do you feel like you should want to be friends with their dads?

I changed your post just a little, since I'm a man and so it would be inappropriate for me to be friends with their mothers.

No, I don't feel like I should have to be friends with them. Certainly, I should be friendly with them and we should be able to communicate about our children, but I wouldn't just assume that we should be friends because our children are. I'm friends with most of our children's parents, but that's by choice, not because of our children.

Now, that having been said, we do have a rule with our children that we want to meet and get to know their friends' parents so that we can judge what kind of influence they're going to have on our children.

 

[Singermom]

I lucked out.

When my older daughter started Kindergarten, it just so happened that she and a group of about 6 other kids all got together and played in the schoolyard while us parents chatted. Over time and changes that entire group was whittled down to 2: my daughter and her best friend. It just so happens that her BFF's mother is a darling woman with whom I have at least a million things in common. We're about 10 years apart in age, and we often joke about it. I consider her MY BFF.

Added bonus: both of our husbands are men who are shy and really have a hard time making friends...guess what? THEY'RE now friends too!

Aside of that, while she and her little sister are still small, whenever they are invited to a birthday party, I go with them. I chat up the parents and help with the party. I'm friendly with most of the other parents, but no real friendships were formed. A few, if they invite her over, I'm OK with. Some (like the family who was watching "Goodfellas" in the middle of their 6-year-old's birthday party) not so much.

 

[BeanMak]

I was alway friendly, but I didn't have social contact with my boys' friends parents. I have my own friends, and I didn't expect our children to necessarily be friends but I did expect them to be friendly if we were all together.