About five years ago, as a high school student, I was involved in an extra-curricular musical ensemble and enjoyed it for some time. Unfortunately, during my second year in the group, I had missed a few practices and even one performance. The conductor thereat approached me and informed me to get my act together and for the most part, I did.
All would have been well had not one of the other members decided to (supposedly) punish me for my mistakes for the rest of the year. Whenever he had the opportunity, he made some off-handed remark in the most arrogant tone of voice and then scurry off before I had the chance to respond. Eventually, he began to use his knowledge of "martial arts" to manipulate and terrorize me by threatening to use it. At the time, I felt that I couldn't say anything because it seemed like everyone was on his side, even the conductor. At one point, the conductor even stated that he would approach this individual and put an end to this whole situation but I don't think he ever did anything. Since I had become a Christian at that time, I felt that to talk back to this guy or pick a fight with him would be unconscionable and "biblically uninformed", so I didn't.
Question #1: Should I have?
After the band's final performance of the school year, this guy began to berate me again as we were exiting the stage. At that point I asked him why he was acting like such a jerk to me, since I had done nothing to him personally. All he did was tell me to go away (using the most vile language conceivable) and threaten to inflict physical pain on me if I didn't. As far as I was concerned, I wanted an explanation, and wasn't about to give up so easily. Eventually, however, I had to, for practical reasons, and the last thing I remember saying to him as he stormed off with his girlfriend was "your hatred is your problem."
Question #2: Should I have walked away sooner?
Question #3: Should I not have said what I said?
To add insult to injury, I recently discovered what this guy has done with himself since I last heard from him. He's obtained a bachelor's degree in science and is currently enrolled at a veterinary college. As well, he has made headlines as an accomplished athlete; last year he was chosen as the most valuable player for his fencing team, and as far as his teammates, coach, teachers - even the newspapers! - are concerned, he's an intelligent, light-hearted and upstanding member of the community. Basically, what this boils down to is that he got away with what he did to me those few years ago, and while he has enjoyed success and (a bit of) fame, doing exactly what he wants to do, I've had to carry this anger and resentment around with me. In all honesty, this guy reminds me of one of the many SS officers who escaped prosecution after the Second World War and lived to ripe old age in some South American paradiso.
I honestly wish I could let all of this go but I can't, no matter how hard I try. The injustice of the whole situation leaves me far too incensed. I feel that unless I deal with this once and for all and be able to forget about it, I'll never get on with my life.
What do I do?
AnonRex
All would have been well had not one of the other members decided to (supposedly) punish me for my mistakes for the rest of the year. Whenever he had the opportunity, he made some off-handed remark in the most arrogant tone of voice and then scurry off before I had the chance to respond. Eventually, he began to use his knowledge of "martial arts" to manipulate and terrorize me by threatening to use it. At the time, I felt that I couldn't say anything because it seemed like everyone was on his side, even the conductor. At one point, the conductor even stated that he would approach this individual and put an end to this whole situation but I don't think he ever did anything. Since I had become a Christian at that time, I felt that to talk back to this guy or pick a fight with him would be unconscionable and "biblically uninformed", so I didn't.
Question #1: Should I have?
After the band's final performance of the school year, this guy began to berate me again as we were exiting the stage. At that point I asked him why he was acting like such a jerk to me, since I had done nothing to him personally. All he did was tell me to go away (using the most vile language conceivable) and threaten to inflict physical pain on me if I didn't. As far as I was concerned, I wanted an explanation, and wasn't about to give up so easily. Eventually, however, I had to, for practical reasons, and the last thing I remember saying to him as he stormed off with his girlfriend was "your hatred is your problem."
Question #2: Should I have walked away sooner?
Question #3: Should I not have said what I said?
To add insult to injury, I recently discovered what this guy has done with himself since I last heard from him. He's obtained a bachelor's degree in science and is currently enrolled at a veterinary college. As well, he has made headlines as an accomplished athlete; last year he was chosen as the most valuable player for his fencing team, and as far as his teammates, coach, teachers - even the newspapers! - are concerned, he's an intelligent, light-hearted and upstanding member of the community. Basically, what this boils down to is that he got away with what he did to me those few years ago, and while he has enjoyed success and (a bit of) fame, doing exactly what he wants to do, I've had to carry this anger and resentment around with me. In all honesty, this guy reminds me of one of the many SS officers who escaped prosecution after the Second World War and lived to ripe old age in some South American paradiso.
I honestly wish I could let all of this go but I can't, no matter how hard I try. The injustice of the whole situation leaves me far too incensed. I feel that unless I deal with this once and for all and be able to forget about it, I'll never get on with my life.
What do I do?
AnonRex
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