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AnonymousRex

Member
Jan 17, 2004
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Oakville, ON
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About five years ago, as a high school student, I was involved in an extra-curricular musical ensemble and enjoyed it for some time. Unfortunately, during my second year in the group, I had missed a few practices and even one performance. The conductor thereat approached me and informed me to get my act together and for the most part, I did.

All would have been well had not one of the other members decided to (supposedly) punish me for my mistakes for the rest of the year. Whenever he had the opportunity, he made some off-handed remark in the most arrogant tone of voice and then scurry off before I had the chance to respond. Eventually, he began to use his knowledge of "martial arts" to manipulate and terrorize me by threatening to use it. At the time, I felt that I couldn't say anything because it seemed like everyone was on his side, even the conductor. At one point, the conductor even stated that he would approach this individual and put an end to this whole situation but I don't think he ever did anything. Since I had become a Christian at that time, I felt that to talk back to this guy or pick a fight with him would be unconscionable and "biblically uninformed", so I didn't.

Question #1: Should I have?

After the band's final performance of the school year, this guy began to berate me again as we were exiting the stage. At that point I asked him why he was acting like such a jerk to me, since I had done nothing to him personally. All he did was tell me to go away (using the most vile language conceivable) and threaten to inflict physical pain on me if I didn't. As far as I was concerned, I wanted an explanation, and wasn't about to give up so easily. Eventually, however, I had to, for practical reasons, and the last thing I remember saying to him as he stormed off with his girlfriend was "your hatred is your problem."

Question #2: Should I have walked away sooner?
Question #3: Should I not have said what I said?

To add insult to injury, I recently discovered what this guy has done with himself since I last heard from him. He's obtained a bachelor's degree in science and is currently enrolled at a veterinary college. As well, he has made headlines as an accomplished athlete; last year he was chosen as the most valuable player for his fencing team, and as far as his teammates, coach, teachers - even the newspapers! - are concerned, he's an intelligent, light-hearted and upstanding member of the community. Basically, what this boils down to is that he got away with what he did to me those few years ago, and while he has enjoyed success and (a bit of) fame, doing exactly what he wants to do, I've had to carry this anger and resentment around with me. In all honesty, this guy reminds me of one of the many SS officers who escaped prosecution after the Second World War and lived to ripe old age in some South American paradiso.

I honestly wish I could let all of this go but I can't, no matter how hard I try. The injustice of the whole situation leaves me far too incensed. I feel that unless I deal with this once and for all and be able to forget about it, I'll never get on with my life.

What do I do?

AnonRex
 

Grammalamma

Grammalamma
Dec 30, 2003
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I applaud you for not wanting to do anything unChristianlike. I don't feel you were wrong in anything you said or did. I know it's very difficult to see someone succeed who has treated you unfairly. I had a boss once who belittled me in front of my co-workers constantly. It used to gnaw at me like crazy, but eventually I got over it. You can't control how someone treats you, but you can control how you react to it. The best thing you can do is pray about it. I don't mean just once or twice. I mean pray daily for God to take this resentment away from your heart. He will do it, I'm sure. It could take some time, so please don't be impatient. I'll also pray for your situation.
 
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AnonymousRex

Member
Jan 17, 2004
18
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Oakville, ON
✟128.00
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Protestant
Thank you for all of your responses. They have been very encouraging. I have also found the 73rd Psalm encouraging as well.

First of all, I discussed this matter with a friend of mine over the phone and he suggested that I consult a therapist of some sort, because he believed that my attitude was, to say the least, obsessive. That may be true and therapy is an avenue I am definitely considering.

Secondly, allow me to respond to each of you individually.

Shadow,

What you've suggested is probably the simplest course of action, and you are probably one of the wisest thirteen-year-olds I've ever met. Nonetheless, it is much easier said than done. First of all, how would I contact this guy? I would first have to find out where he is and track down his e-mail address or phone number. One would not consider these actions "polite", to say the least. He would probably explode with rage (and perhaps rightfully so) wondering how exactly I obtained this information and accuse me of harassing him. Secondly, even if I did compose a message, what exactly am I supposed to say? "Hey, I know it's been five years, but remember when you acted like a jerk? I haven't forgotten and I demand an apology." He would probably delete the message and laugh.

If you have any suggestions about what to do, I'd love to hear them.

Gramma,

Your advice is also practical. However, our circumstances are somewhat different. Everyone in your office probably acknowledged that your boss was a moron. I've had my share of them, too, believe me. This guy, however, was able to dupe everyone into thinking he's benevolent, and he still does. Sometimes he even has me wondering. I can even remember one instance where he rallied a couple of members (they were probably apostates, anyway) in my church to his side. Now that he's armed with a university degree he's probably even more dangerous.

Nater,

Am I really stronger than you? At least you have what it takes to stand up for yourself and come up with the right thing to say when you have to. As a result, people respect you, and because you don't feel intimidated by them, you're not burdened by any sort of obsessive resentment for them. Based upon what I know at the present, it would seem that I should have respect for you. On account of your assertiveness, you are free to do as you please (reasonably speaking) and not worry about others preventing you from getting the most out of life. If I'm missing something here, I can't imagine what it is.

I look forward to hearing from all of you soon.

AnonRex
 
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