Just want to connect with someone ...

[shadowgem]

Recently I've been low because I find Christmas stressful - I think because of financial pressures and relationship pressures.

I guess at a time like that I should want to go to church more but I seem to get put off very easily and withdrew from going for a few weeks. I also stopped regular prayer and worship at home.

I prayed about going to this church, and felt that if i wanted to be close to God it was the right church to go to, but why is it such hard work to go there? I don't feel that I connect with many of the people there - actually in life I don't feel I connect with that many people.

I keep hoping that I'll find my niche in life and a sense of belonging but it doesn't happen. Does anyone else feel like this?

Don't get me wrong, I've met some lovely people - but only one or two I can be really open with.

Well, I don't know what else to say ...just wanted to talk.....Happy New Year everyone.

 

[Anti Existance]

Its wrong to think that a church connects you to God. Although its true that they spread the message from Jesus, the actual connection towards God takes place via the spirit. A lot of people who are in church just drill their prayers and feel empty inside ,they go outside thinking 'why am i even still here?' So where does this empty feeling come from? Why does it feel that there is a grand canyon between you and God even tho you pray in faith,think you follow Gods commands, and goto church on a regular basis?

The reason is because you lack the understanding that the meaning of life is to love and help others. Love is for our souls like gasoline is the power to make a car move, without love we can only feel empty, and by helping others we connect to God. You see although many people pray and goto church and believe in God, they center their lives around themselves, while they should have put God on the throne of their lives. Therefore people who are selfish and lack love can't help but to feel empty inside. Its not even always because they want to disobey God, rather don't understand exactly what God wants. We connect to God thru our acts of love that we display on other people during our lives. We connect to God thru love.

You know seasonal depression isn't uncommon, christmas is a period to make you happy and remember christ. It wasn't supposed to be a period of great suffering, because if it was it would have been better for you not to celebrate it all. If you feel forced to be around people or family that you don't want to be with. Better cancel. Life is for us to enjoy, not to be tortured. Gods festivities that we celebrate , non of them where made to torture us, or make us feel uncomfortable , or bring financial disaster upon us. You belong to God as he is your creator. And it is the intention that you devote your life to him by loving and helping other people.

If you feel that your life is pressured, then its time to bring that same life into calmer waters. You can't enjoy your life if you constantly feel that its like a storm with lightning in which your ship tries to survive but eventually gets thrown into the cliffs and get damaged. You have to understand that like a farmer you can only put so much hay on your fork before it becomes too heavy and you will fall. So only take that much load in your life that you are able to carry. You can't lift the world right?

My advice is to give yourself more time, and save money by living on a smaller foot, re-examin your expenses. Love and help other people in order to reconnect to God.

Any small act of love will be great.

 

[UnitynLove]

Help those who feel just like you and watch what happens

 

[shadowgem]

Its wrong to think that a church connects you to God. Although its true that they spread the message from Jesus, the actual connection towards God takes place via the spirit. A lot of people who are in church just drill their prayers and feel empty inside ,they go outside thinking 'why am i even still here?' So where does this empty feeling come from? Why does it feel that there is a grand canyon between you and God even tho you pray in faith,think you follow Gods commands, and goto church on a regular basis?

The reason is because you lack the understanding that the meaning of life is to love and help others. Love is for our souls like gasoline is the power to make a car move, without love we can only feel empty, and by helping others we connect to God. You see although many people pray and goto church and believe in God, they center their lives around themselves, while they should have put God on the throne of their lives. Therefore people who are selfish and lack love can't help but to feel empty inside. Its not even always because they want to disobey God, rather don't understand exactly what God wants. We connect to God thru our acts of love that we display on other people during our lives. We connect to God thru love.

You know seasonal depression isn't uncommon, christmas is a period to make you happy and remember christ. It wasn't supposed to be a period of great suffering, because if it was it would have been better for you not to celebrate it all. If you feel forced to be around people or family that you don't want to be with. Better cancel. Life is for us to enjoy, not to be tortured. Gods festivities that we celebrate , non of them where made to torture us, or make us feel uncomfortable , or bring financial disaster upon us. You belong to God as he is your creator. And it is the intention that you devote your life to him by loving and helping other people.

If you feel that your life is pressured, then its time to bring that same life into calmer waters. You can't enjoy your life if you constantly feel that its like a storm with lightning in which your ship tries to survive but eventually gets thrown into the cliffs and get damaged. You have to understand that like a farmer you can only put so much hay on your fork before it becomes too heavy and you will fall. So only take that much load in your life that you are able to carry. You can't lift the world right?

My advice is to give yourself more time, and save money by living on a smaller foot, re-examin your expenses. Love and help other people in order to reconnect to God.

Any small act of love will be great.

Hi Anti Existence,

Your post challenges me to think about whether i've been willing to help other people, but I think I have been helpful - offering lifts, giving gifts, helping with a house move and cleaning. Actually I've never met so many needy people than are at our church - at times it just feels overwhelming. It may sound silly, but one thing that made me want to avoid going to church lately was making friends with a guy who then gave me a newsletter about his church plant in Africa that asked for money. I'm overdrawn at the bank and on a low income (benefits due to depression) and I just felt that I don't want to disappoint him, but i have nothing to give financially at the moment and he made quite a big thing about giving me the newsletter.

Maybe I am selfish - I don't know, I try not to be. What seems to happen is that I give out to the max and when I come home I'm back alone again and some people seem to expect it again. I know that quite a few people only seem to speak to me when they want something like a lift. I'm trying to be very open here so please be kind if you can see that I'm in the wrong somehow!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that some people are really assertive about asking to get their needs met, but I'm not or when I have been, nothing seems to have worked out.

I've tried to be more assertive at church by speaking to the pastoral staff and asking them if they know anyone who can help with things like parenting advice and help with my teenage son (who doesn't want to go to church) but to no avail. (Well, I was put in touch with a couple but they lived miles away and were only willing to counsel by telephone). When I originally asked for their advice about whether I could divorce my husband who I was separated from I was told no - I couldn't (because originally before I was a Christian it was my fault that the relationship finished, even though he was now in another relationship). Finally, several years later a new pastor told me that they would support me if I did divorce him (my situation is the same as it was).

Sorry, I realise that I'm venting now. I suppose I've lost confidence in other people's ability to lead or know what's best at church. I'm not sure that I feel loved, really loved, according to my needs at this church. Is it wrong to want this?

I'm trying to be patient and try to fit in around others but I keep getting frustrated and drifting away.

I've volunteered to do reception at church this weekend and it'll probably be okay. I just wish that I enjoyed being with the people at church more.

Sorry, I've gone on longer than I intended.

 

[shadowgem]

Hi Anti Existance,

sorry I just realised that your beginning point was that it's wrong to think that a church connect us to God. I would like to ask you about this.

I was told that our Church has been given a prophecy that it's at the forefront of what God's doing in our country which is why there seems to be a lot of pressure. I had considered going to another church but was told that this church would agree with this prophecy and weren't so much at the forefront.

I spent a LOT of time praying which church I should go to but this really influenced my decision. I felt that if I wanted to be closest to God I should choose the church at the forefront plus at our church the worship is amazing - actually the worship really influenced me.

But as far as relationships go within the church, it hasn't really worked out so far. I was hoping this will change.

After I chose to stay at this church I went forward for prayer and the pastoral assistant came forward with me. She said that as we were praying she saw picture of my heart and God touching it and she said it was confirmation that I had made the right choice of which church to go to.

After that I felt more determined to go, but when Christmas came around I just couldn't go and pretend everything was alright. I didn't feel particularly connected socially to anyone at the church and actually spent a day after Christmas with a family from the other church - who are so friendly and family orientated and have a son the same age as my own.

I'm confused.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

You said yourself that you feel like you need to meet people's expectations when you go to church. You also have your own expectations regarding how you should act, how others should act and so on. However, when you're with this family from the other church, there are no expectations. You don't need to "be on your watch", but instead you can relax and "be yourself." This is just a thought, but I think that's what's keeping you from forming relationships at church. I don't know how, but if you could relax you would probably make friends and connections there.

I'll say a prayer for you. May God guide you and bless you.

 

[shadowgem]

You said yourself that you feel like you need to meet people's expectations when you go to church. You also have your own expectations regarding how you should act, how others should act and so on. However, when you're with this family from the other church, there are no expectations. You don't need to "be on your watch", but instead you can relax and "be yourself." This is just a thought, but I think that's what's keeping you from forming relationships at church. I don't know how, but if you could relax you would probably make friends and connections there.

I'll say a prayer for you. May God guide you and bless you.

Thanks for replying. I think this is probably at the root of the problem when you talk about being yourself. I haven't been myself for years (there was only one time I can recall I started to be) and I'm seeing a psychologist and it's come up that I don't really have a strong sense of self. In my childhood I just fitted in around people and was neglected quite a lot so this may be why - maybe I just haven't learned about being me.

I don't really know how one starts now. Although I'm now a Christian it hasn't instantly happened that I know what to do in life or how to be. My closest relationships are with people who all seem to have a pretty strong idea of what I should or shouldn't do. I'm reliant on my ex-husband to help with caring for our son and if I choose to do things that he doesn't like i know that he won't support me or that he'll be very critical and it throws me off course every time he criticises me. I thought I'd found someone I could really trust at church but she told me that God wouldn't want me to have a 'career' as such, I think her reasoning was that God wanted me to focus on Him not a career.

I think deep down i yearn to meet someone who'll nurture me like a mum, but at 39 it just isn't going to happen.

I haven't been praying much lately because when I do I cry and I'm tired of crying.

Maybe I just need to up my antidepressants.

 

[Jo1]

Hi I understand how you feel. I find it hard coming back to church from Christmas. I could have gone last weekend but i didnt really want to. didnt go the previous week cos I was away. We have a week of santification this week, meeting tonight not really sure whether i will go or not. i know how easy it is to withdraw. I do spend quite a bit of time on my own really husband works quite long hours. i feel like i dont connect with people at my church either. I do have one or two close friends like yourself though. Will pray for you. God bless and Happy New Year to you too.

 

[EverydayPatron]

Recently I've been low because I find Christmas stressful - I think because of financial pressures and relationship pressures.

I guess at a time like that I should want to go to church more but I seem to get put off very easily and withdrew from going for a few weeks. I also stopped regular prayer and worship at home.

I prayed about going to this church, and felt that if i wanted to be close to God it was the right church to go to, but why is it such hard work to go there? I don't feel that I connect with many of the people there - actually in life I don't feel I connect with that many people.

I keep hoping that I'll find my niche in life and a sense of belonging but it doesn't happen. Does anyone else feel like this?

Don't get me wrong, I've met some lovely people - but only one or two I can be really open with.

Well, I don't know what else to say ...just wanted to talk.....Happy New Year everyone.

Underneath the guise of holiday spirit and gift-giving, Christmas actually is one of the most depressing/stressful times for a lot of people. It's always difficult to find that perfect gift for everyone on your Christmas list, and looking at the price tag for each, you know your wallet's going to take a beating for a while. I can definitely understand the relationship pressures too. In a season where the temperature freezes you, it'd be nice to have someone next to you to keep you warm. Seeing all the happy couples passing on the streets and in the malls, it really is kind of depressing. But I find that in due time, if we're really meant to be together, I'll find the one. So until then, I'll be waiting and watching.

Every church has its faults. It's simply because it's made up of imperfect people. So don't expect everything to be just the way you want it. And just remember, the real reason for you being there isn't for you to connect with everyone. It's to glorify God. Now I'm not saying that you should put yourself in a miserable situation just because you want to make God happy. I mean, if you can find a better church to go to, by all means, I'd encourage you to go. Private worship is fine temporarily. But we're told to rejoice in fellowship with others. I'll be praying for you to find a church you feel comfortable in.

I'm not always the most compatible person either. I know a lot of people that can hardly stand me, and that's a bit of an obstable in connecting. But grateful for the one or two people you do have a close relationship with though. Who knows, eventually more people might come to get to know you better and connect. I do know the feeling though.

Hoping for the best~

 

[shadowgem]

Underneath the guise of holiday spirit and gift-giving, Christmas actually is one of the most depressing/stressful times for a lot of people. It's always difficult to find that perfect gift for everyone on your Christmas list, and looking at the price tag for each, you know your wallet's going to take a beating for a while. I can definitely understand the relationship pressures too. In a season where the temperature freezes you, it'd be nice to have someone next to you to keep you warm. Seeing all the happy couples passing on the streets and in the malls, it really is kind of depressing. But I find that in due time, if we're really meant to be together, I'll find the one. So until then, I'll be waiting and watching.

Every church has its faults. It's simply because it's made up of imperfect people. So don't expect everything to be just the way you want it. And just remember, the real reason for you being there isn't for you to connect with everyone. It's to glorify God. Now I'm not saying that you should put yourself in a miserable situation just because you want to make God happy. I mean, if you can find a better church to go to, by all means, I'd encourage you to go. Private worship is fine temporarily. But we're told to rejoice in fellowship with others. I'll be praying for you to find a church you feel comfortable in.

I'm not always the most compatible person either. I know a lot of people that can hardly stand me, and that's a bit of an obstable in connecting. But grateful for the one or two people you do have a close relationship with though. Who knows, eventually more people might come to get to know you better and connect. I do know the feeling though.

Hoping for the best~

Thanks for your reply - I appreciate it.

God bless

 

[EverydayPatron]

Thanks for your reply - I appreciate it.

God bless

Anytime.