Father speech, Note: In this fictitious speech, Sarah is the bride or groom's mother.
Before I begin, I want you all to know that Sarah has instructed me: -not to be witty;not to be humorous;
and not to be intellectual.In fact she said, Just be yourself.
Sarah has also asked me to check that my instructions on how to get here were accurate and that everyone has managed to find their way here tonight so if I could just check by asking,
All those not yet here, please raise your left hand. Thank you.
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Abe the Gretas Achilles heel
Its hard to believe I know, but Abe is the strongest man in the world. Calling himself Abe the Great, he won the title in 2001 and has held it ever since. His specialty is lifting heavy weights above his head and holding them there longer than anyone else can.
One day, his friend Cyril asks him, Whats the most difficult thing youve ever held, Abe?
Abe replies, There is one thing that weighs almost nothing yet I always find it impossible to hold for more than a few minutes.
WHAT IS IT?
Answer at bottom of page.
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Marriage advice: Husbands listen.
What a wife needs
The husband and wife go to a male counselor after 15 years of marriage? The counselor asks them what the problem is, and the wife goes into a tirade, listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to the husband and says, "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"
The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I go fishing."
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Jewish humor
Q: What do you call an uncircumcised Jew who is more than 8 days old?
A: A girl.
Q: What did the waiter ask the group of Jewish mothers?
A: "Is anything OK?"
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take the change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) dont bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody.
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Answer: His breath
