Hello everyone. I'm 46 I had an unwanted blasphemous thought the 1st time when I was 18 yrs old. It was a thought towards the Holy Spirit. Needless to say that I became tormented with fear and anxiety for weeks. when those feelings finally subsided I spent the next twenty yrs. Doubtful of my salvation. afraid of dying, like an outsider,from the body of Christ.All these yrs I thought I was the only one that had these thoughts.Untill 5 yrs ago I had what U Guys call here a really bad spike. I was in a church service when all of sudden from nowhere had a thought this time it was blaspheming christ. The spike was so bad that I was tormented with fear to such a degree that I couldn't wait to go to sleep at nights because that was the only time when my mind would shut off. This was all during 2004. During this period I found a spirit- filled therapist that informed me that what I was experiencing was ocd. He recomended that I take meds. during this time period I found this forum and read about others with the same struggle that I have. It was this that gave me some hope because I began to believe this is a disease.So since 2004 I have been taking celexa it didnt take the thoughts away but they were less frequent. But I will mention that the ocd attached it self to other things that I consider sacred regarding my faith; like the cross the blood of Jesus, but I just ignored them and told myself it was the ocd. I must say that I have always hated these thoughts and I cant control them and I wish with all my heart that I didnt have them. I got to the point where I no longer feared death I felt at peace with God,myself,others. So I decided to wean myself off the meds oct of 2009. well a week ago I began to spike and the thoughts have come back with a vengence. It is not as bad as it was in 2004 because the rational side of me keeps telling me it is the ocd. this is kinda of the short version of my story. but I placed this post because you guys understand and just needed some reassuring I guess.