just need a friend :)

justlikeThomas said:

I had 3 of the best friends in the world. I seriously thought that we would be inseparable for life, but that didn't work out too well. One of them isn't doing too well in life and just withdrew himself from everything and everyone. I haven't spoken to him in over 10 months, he doesn't reply to texts or phone calls, and when he does, its very short "I'm busy ttyl" kind of thing.

The other two were girls. Feelings got involved, and that was the easiest way for the devil to separate me from my friends.

I live at home, work full time and am also a student. To be honest, i have no friends anymore and i thought i didn't really need friends, i thought I was doing just fine without them. I grew up not having friends, until i met these three wonderful people. I guess you never really know how awesome it is to have friends until you have them. And when i didn't have them anymore, i thought it would just be like before.

But honestly, i have never been so lonely in my life. I don't really get along with my dad, and that causes problems at home but thats a separate issue. Call me a bad person or whatever, i dont care. Its just the reality of things.

Anytime i voice my concern to any of them i get the same response. "we're still friends don't worry, nothing changed". Now i know these people better than i know the back of my hand, and i know when they're acting weird or avoiding the question or just saying something to be nice. You would think they know this, but i guess not. Either that or they dont care. I have very serious trust issues. I don't trust people. At all. And i didnt trust my friends. It took a whole year for me to really get to trust them, and after losing them, my trust issue just became 1000 times worse.

Anyway, I'm not trying to be a sensitive little crybaby. But i have no one to talk to. I have no one to pick up the phone and exchange stories about how much my day stunk or what an awesome day i had. No one to vent to when something or someone bothers me. I am already going through enough in my life.... Also, my doctor thinks I'm depressed. I guess maybe i am a little, but i refuse to take medication for it. Thank the Lord that He is a part of my life, however small. I feel for those people who attempt or actually succeed at committing suicide. I can see how people reach a point in their lives where they just dont care anymore and want it to end. I'm not suicidal or anything, but if i wasn't afraid of going to hell, i would have been dead for a few months now. Don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. There are people in worse situations. I guess I'm just looking for a place to vent a little. I've heard the whole "things will get better" speech. Its hard for me to believe it. I guess its like that when you're in the midst of the storm, you just cant believe that things can get better. Because trust me, things are not getting better. Things are getting worse. I just have to put on a smile and pretend everything is okay. I'm good at that i hear..... Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well and i wish you all peace and blessings thank you for reading this far. I think i feel a little better now. Its 2:52am, i think its time to sleep.

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