Perhaps to redeem myself a little for being an unsociable jerk and disappearing, this is just an update for those who care.
There's been a lot going on. Last month while I was at my event for work my brother also moved out (a huge relief). I cleaned up my office and for the first time in a year or so moved my PC and work related things back into my office. Another huge relief and return to normalcy. I cleaned up the house and got it back in order since my brother kind of took over and I wasn't able to clean much. Things are still broken and all, but I'm just glad to have the house back. And as I mentioned, yes my crush spoke with me, though the interactions have been small after that but it's what I've come to expect. I've gotten back into listening to sermons again and started to read the book my ex-preacher wrote after unrightfully being pushed out of the church. I've been wrestling with where I should go to church and what God would have me do. There's been a lot of thoughts on my minds about discipleship and church community. I've been attending what seems a good church, though I struggle at times wondering if there's not a more mature church out there.
I think in the time I've been away I've realized how much I need to focus on my relationship with God. In many ways I've been distracted and shallow in my relationship with Him and in many ways I need to grow and change. I do not wish to fail to cultivate my own relationship with God while helping others, so lately I've been sticking to other things rather than posting here.
Lastly, I've been getting ready for next year's work load (I arrange much of this far in advance as possible). Moreover though, much more over... I have discovered that it is feasible for me to return back to my original career choice: Indie Games. For those who don't know, Indie Games are just small budget video games made by a small team or single person. It's something I love, passionately and dearly. I studied it in college and outside of college. It's been a normal part of my life for nearly 10 years. Something I think about all the time. But, besides getting sick, and moving, and family, and drama... the programing I learned and the application I was using became obsolete and I had no idea how I was going to make video games without having to start completely over and spend year(s) learning something new only to become obsolete again. It's been a daunting dark cloud over my life for the last 4 years or so... and now I have hope again. I found a game engine (read: game making application) that will make what I want to do not only possible but reasonable. My heart has been filled with so much joy! As if told a love one is still alive or told I can go home. But with that, I've joyfully been at the grindstone learning this game engine.
I don't think I'm saying goodbye, but right now truly is the start of a new chapter in my life. With that comes changes and so I won't likely be on here as much.. if at all. Instead of just disappearing or practically turning into some ghost, I want you to know if I'm not around it's because I'm walking into a new part in my life.
Circumstances do change; eventually life moves on. But God remains constant. I want to encourage everyone to seek God in all things. Seek to understand Him and know Him. Not only as a savior, but a redeemer and King. There is so much more depth to God's character and being than what you've begun to scratch at. To the extent we know Him and let Him be God, is the extent that our lives are radically change into something greater than ourselves.
There's been a lot going on. Last month while I was at my event for work my brother also moved out (a huge relief). I cleaned up my office and for the first time in a year or so moved my PC and work related things back into my office. Another huge relief and return to normalcy. I cleaned up the house and got it back in order since my brother kind of took over and I wasn't able to clean much. Things are still broken and all, but I'm just glad to have the house back. And as I mentioned, yes my crush spoke with me, though the interactions have been small after that but it's what I've come to expect. I've gotten back into listening to sermons again and started to read the book my ex-preacher wrote after unrightfully being pushed out of the church. I've been wrestling with where I should go to church and what God would have me do. There's been a lot of thoughts on my minds about discipleship and church community. I've been attending what seems a good church, though I struggle at times wondering if there's not a more mature church out there.
I think in the time I've been away I've realized how much I need to focus on my relationship with God. In many ways I've been distracted and shallow in my relationship with Him and in many ways I need to grow and change. I do not wish to fail to cultivate my own relationship with God while helping others, so lately I've been sticking to other things rather than posting here.
Lastly, I've been getting ready for next year's work load (I arrange much of this far in advance as possible). Moreover though, much more over... I have discovered that it is feasible for me to return back to my original career choice: Indie Games. For those who don't know, Indie Games are just small budget video games made by a small team or single person. It's something I love, passionately and dearly. I studied it in college and outside of college. It's been a normal part of my life for nearly 10 years. Something I think about all the time. But, besides getting sick, and moving, and family, and drama... the programing I learned and the application I was using became obsolete and I had no idea how I was going to make video games without having to start completely over and spend year(s) learning something new only to become obsolete again. It's been a daunting dark cloud over my life for the last 4 years or so... and now I have hope again. I found a game engine (read: game making application) that will make what I want to do not only possible but reasonable. My heart has been filled with so much joy! As if told a love one is still alive or told I can go home. But with that, I've joyfully been at the grindstone learning this game engine.
I don't think I'm saying goodbye, but right now truly is the start of a new chapter in my life. With that comes changes and so I won't likely be on here as much.. if at all. Instead of just disappearing or practically turning into some ghost, I want you to know if I'm not around it's because I'm walking into a new part in my life.
Circumstances do change; eventually life moves on. But God remains constant. I want to encourage everyone to seek God in all things. Seek to understand Him and know Him. Not only as a savior, but a redeemer and King. There is so much more depth to God's character and being than what you've begun to scratch at. To the extent we know Him and let Him be God, is the extent that our lives are radically change into something greater than ourselves.
God bless, Shattered. I'll be praying for you. 
