Jokes

[Alessandro]

There was this mother who had three grown up sons.
When her birthday came each one gave her a present.
The first one gave her a house to live in, the second gave her a Mercedes to get around in and the third gave her a parrot who can quote scriptures from the whole Bible because she has a tired eyesight.

A week passed and the mother contacted her sons, she told the first, the house you got me is too big, to the second she told, the car you got me is too small, to the third she said, thank you my dear for your humble but thoughtful gift, the chicken you gave me was delicious.




On a ship at night the captain of the vessel was onboard, when he saw a light in the distance, he went to send a message requiring the other vessel/ship to change its course by 10 degrees to the east, seconds later a reply came and said to him to change his course by 10 degrees to the west. He replied and said I am a navy commander change your course immediately, seconds later a reply came stating I am a second officer change your course, the commander was furious and replied I am a Destroyer and will not change course, a final reply came in and said, I am a Lighthouse and its your choice.



I will post more later.

 

[Snowy]

ROFL!!!

 

[Alessandro]

Glad you liked it I will be back with more later.

 

[abbygirlforever]

ROTFLMAO @ the lighthouse!

 

[TIRZAH]

You made my day !!!!! waiting for more......

 

[Focusedpoetgirl]

Those are awesome . . . I've heard the lifehouse one before, and I think it's hilarious. lol

 

[DJ B.K.]

Those are funny, I want more!

 

[Alessandro]

Due to high demand, here are some more

Three mothers were talking about their children:

One said, my son loves me so much he bought me a precious stone bracelet

the second said my son loves me so much he bought me a fur coat,

the third said, my son loves me so much that he pays this person $300 an hour, and guess who he talks about all day with them, .................ME.

 

[Alessandro]

And another

A guy found a penguin and showed him to a policeman.
The policeman said, "Take that penguin to the zoo, now."

Next day the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.

The policeman stops the guy and says, I told you yesterday to take the penguin to the Zoo, what on earth are you doing with the penguin in your truck again?"

The guy says, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and today I'm taking him to the movies."

 

[Alessandro]

A car was going down the street late at night when one of the tires went off the road.

The driver then got out looked in the trunk, got out the spare but noticed there were no bolts/screws to fit the spare tire, he was stuck there for a while untill somebody who was walking along came up to him to offer help.

The guy simply unscrewed one screw out of each tire and fit the remaining one with the three screws.

The car owner thanked him and commended him for his intellingence and asked him what he was doing late at night on the street, the guy told him, "see that mental hospital there, I ran away", the car owner was surprised and said "they think you're crazy?" the man replied "crazy yes but not stupid"

 

[DJ B.K.]

Funny yet again.

 

[Job24]

those are as funny as a rooster with an itch