Job Deal Breakers?

[HoosierCanuck]

Okay...I posted a similar thread in the general singles forum but figured I better get the opinions of those closer to my age and up....

This might be a question more geared for the ladies but I'd welcome the guys' point of view too.

Hypothetical situation: woman meets man. They have practically everything in common...love sports, comedy, outdoors, both Christians, etc... But....she has a college degree and works a semi-professional job. He on the other hand...works in a job that is more typical of those in the high school/college student range. Would this be a deal breaker? Why or why not?

 

[hope4today]

This wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker for me. It would depend more on his emotional, social, spiritual and mind muscle intelligence than on his education or profession. By that I mean that we must be compatible in our ability to hold conversation, meaningful dialogue and grapple with world and life issues etc.

I've met people in so called 'higher' professions who don't have anywhere near the intelligence of others in a so callled 'simple' profession.

It would really depend on how we interact with each other and with others.

Of course this answer is specific to the question and doesn't address the other things that would be important to me in a husband.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I understand your point. My friend who has a PHd has been unemployed for over 3 years because he's "overqualified" for a lot of jobs. The makeup of the workforce is such a joke. Employers are willing to hire morons with no common sense if they are 'cool' or if they know the right people. It's no wonder this world is in the state it's in!! Sorry....I'm hijacking my own thread!!! haha

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Okay...more 'deal breaker' questions....

the guy has been at this 'dead end' job for 7 years, lives with his parents and shares a car with them. He has custody of two pre-teen children (which would certainly explain not being able to afford living on his own/having a car).

He appears to be a 'hard worker', I guess. He's 33. Still kinda young I suppose.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

It's not a deal breaker for me. The most important issue would be if he valued education. So, I was just in a relationship like this. He actually hadn't even finished H.S. He got involved in drugs and alcohol while very young. Now he is a skilled worker and has worked in lots of different fields (electrician asst, plumbing, etc.) He can fix just about anything and did fix a very funky deadbolt lock for me and looked very cute doing it. Sorry, going off track.

Here's a problem...... As his second job he manages an apt building and only pays $200 a month for rent. When he started thinking seriously about our relationship he freaked out because he realized there was no way he could afford a 3 bedroom out in the real world. My ex-h wouldn't have cared about this since I believe he saw me as a meal ticket, but this guy wanted to be the provider. Isn't that the way it should be most of the time? I've got to give him credit for that. One of the last times we talked he was spewing out all the stuff he had been thinking about..... needing to leave his kick back job in order to increase his earning potential in order to afford housing that would accomodate our 3 kids. Apparently he is not ready to do that because we are no longer seeing each other. He knows I'll be finished with school by May and will be getting a raise and going back to full time, but I guess he doesn't want to count on that and after what I went through with my ex, he gets some kudos for that.

I would caution you because men should be able to provide, and if they aren't worried about being the provider, do you really want him? If he's working on education, training, etc. which will boost his earning potential, then maybe, but how long will it take? If he asks to borrow money and it's not because his kids are going to die of starvation, run!

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I would caution you because men should be able to provide, and if they aren't worried about being the provider, do you really want him? If he's working on education, training, etc. which will boost his earning potential, then maybe, but how long will it take? If he asks to borrow money and it's not because his kids are going to die of starvation, run!

Thanks for the reply, EBL. Time will tell if he's wanting to be 'the provider' or the 'providee.' That's kinda what concerns me. I'm certainly not financially comfortable...far from it. But...I work 2 jobs. I don't know why people would think this means I'm doing okay. If I were doing okay...I'd only have to work 1 job. Anywhoo....he lives in a town about 40 minutes drive away. He did comment that with me going over there, he'd put gas in my car. So at least he's thinking about that. He commented that he wants to go play miniature golf when we meet. He apparently is going to treat me to it. He was commenting about if we know for certain we're going to meet/play golf, he'll know how much money he needs to save/get out of the ATM. So, so far he appears to be concerned about doing his part.

He's kinda creeping me out though because he has commented on how pretty he thinks I am and stuff. He wears glasses....don't know how old the prescription is!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

He's kinda creeping me out though because he has commented on how pretty he thinks I am and stuff. He wears glasses....don't know how old the prescription is!

That made me laugh

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Hmm, this is a tough one, because I do think that men want to be the provider, even if they don't think so. For example, I am a professional, about to finish a master's and will be in some kind of white-collar job when I retire (most likely - I'd much rather just play bass in a bar band for the rest of my life.)

A girl I was semi-interested in posed the question to me: would you be ok with your wife making a lot more than you. I jokingly replied "no way! then she can buy toys for me!" to which she said "Exactly! I'd love to pamper my man that way."

Now, it was easy to give that response as a joke - it's funny, and makes light of guys' penchants for collecting big boy toys. I wonder though how much I'd really be able to take that. She was a doctor, and would most likely always make about double what I make. I think she may scare away guys for that reason.

Hope it helps, not exactly your situation though.