- Nov 9, 2019
- 279
- 148
- 67
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
I can sincerely start on some seeking path, such as saying, "Jesus, what must I do to be saved?" then, after seconds, the sincerity disappears. That happened just now, for instance. I started saying (in my head), "Jesus, what must I do to be saved?" For a few seconds, I thought it was a sincere search for the answer. But then it just turns into a chant, with no sincerity in it.
Similarly, I have many times started saying "This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners." For a few seconds, it is a sincere attempt to seek Christ, seeking me. (Or at least, it seems sincere to me.) But shortly, after seconds, the sincerity fizzles and it just becomes a chant.
I experience or do a lot of that, where I think I start out sincerely, but after seconds, the sincerity goes away.
A related problem is my cynical approach to salvation and Jesus. I know that one can be saved in a moment, and that after that, they are saved no matter what. This knowledge apparently leads me to cynically seek to be "saved," so that I can just relax and not worry about whether or not I am in God's will, after that, since, after all, I am "saved." I want to be saved without "having" to live the Christian life. A person that cynical cannot be saved, I assume.
There are times when i try to "count the cost," and face up to the cost with the realization that Jesus/the Holy Spirit will enable me to face whatever I have to face as a Christian. Then I try to sincerely give my life to Christ. But as soon as I think I'm saved one or both of two things happen: One, I doubt I really meant it and doubt I'm saved, and, Two, my sincere desire to follow Jesus may not last very long. That desire may go away after just a moment, of after a few seconds. When I realize I'm not sincere, my attempt to seek/follow Jesus just collapses. But some time later, I start it up again, hoping this time to really get saved.
Similarly, I have many times started saying "This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners." For a few seconds, it is a sincere attempt to seek Christ, seeking me. (Or at least, it seems sincere to me.) But shortly, after seconds, the sincerity fizzles and it just becomes a chant.
I experience or do a lot of that, where I think I start out sincerely, but after seconds, the sincerity goes away.
A related problem is my cynical approach to salvation and Jesus. I know that one can be saved in a moment, and that after that, they are saved no matter what. This knowledge apparently leads me to cynically seek to be "saved," so that I can just relax and not worry about whether or not I am in God's will, after that, since, after all, I am "saved." I want to be saved without "having" to live the Christian life. A person that cynical cannot be saved, I assume.
There are times when i try to "count the cost," and face up to the cost with the realization that Jesus/the Holy Spirit will enable me to face whatever I have to face as a Christian. Then I try to sincerely give my life to Christ. But as soon as I think I'm saved one or both of two things happen: One, I doubt I really meant it and doubt I'm saved, and, Two, my sincere desire to follow Jesus may not last very long. That desire may go away after just a moment, of after a few seconds. When I realize I'm not sincere, my attempt to seek/follow Jesus just collapses. But some time later, I start it up again, hoping this time to really get saved.