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Jealous, Angry...Discouraged
- Thread starter LadyBird
- Start date
It's so easy to get caught up in thinking it's a competition...I don't really know why it's so easy to think that way, because if you sit back and think about it, you realize...hey, it's NOT a competition!
I felt that way for a while with some friends of ours who got engaged and married around the same time as us. At first, it felt like a big competition...whose ring is bigger? Who had a more romantic proposal? Who has a prettier dress? etc....
But then I stopped to think about how many weddings there are each year in the world, and how important that day is to every girl going through it. Then I realized there would be no point for me to compare my wedding to anyone else's. Not everyone is going to get married at the same time or have the same things in their wedding, and there's always going to be someone out there who has a "better" wedding than me in some way. Every couple is different, and you need to concentrate on what's right for you. Comparing yourself to others makes it almost impossible to measure up.
I can understand how you would be jealous and frustrated, because let's face it, pretty much every girl looks forward to their wedding day. But just remember that you and your boyfriend are doing the right thing by not getting married until you are 100% sure. You are building a foundation for your marriage, which is so much more important than just the wedding. Marrying the right person when the time is right is what will keep you warm at night, not the pretty wedding album sitting on the shelf.
God bless!
I felt that way for a while with some friends of ours who got engaged and married around the same time as us. At first, it felt like a big competition...whose ring is bigger? Who had a more romantic proposal? Who has a prettier dress? etc....
But then I stopped to think about how many weddings there are each year in the world, and how important that day is to every girl going through it. Then I realized there would be no point for me to compare my wedding to anyone else's. Not everyone is going to get married at the same time or have the same things in their wedding, and there's always going to be someone out there who has a "better" wedding than me in some way. Every couple is different, and you need to concentrate on what's right for you. Comparing yourself to others makes it almost impossible to measure up.
I can understand how you would be jealous and frustrated, because let's face it, pretty much every girl looks forward to their wedding day. But just remember that you and your boyfriend are doing the right thing by not getting married until you are 100% sure. You are building a foundation for your marriage, which is so much more important than just the wedding. Marrying the right person when the time is right is what will keep you warm at night, not the pretty wedding album sitting on the shelf.
God bless!
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*Miau*
♥ Inspired to Serve †
I totally agree with Katelyn, you are right, when you wait untill you're 100%sure of each other. Don't start to have doubts in your relationship, that's not healthy at all.
Maybe you should try and pray to God together? He'll help you, I'm sure of that!
I hope everything works out.
Maybe you should try and pray to God together? He'll help you, I'm sure of that!
I hope everything works out.
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I definately agree with the two gals here, from my perspective, rushing into a relationship too fast is your biggest enemy, if you're not certain with the guy with you're just yet, give it time to let God reveal to you whether or not he's the one, the gals are right, it's easy to get caught up in jealousy of friends who are getting engaged and married, one of my good friends got engaged, and married here just in the last few weeks, and then another one of my friends got engaged on the Wednesday before Halloween, it made me so jealous, and I'm still fighting with it, cause well, I feel that God is telling me the girl I'm with is the one, but I know that it's not time for us yet, we've already talked about getting married in 2005, but I'm just looking for the right time to get engaged, hehehe, how I'm gonna afford a ring is another thing, but anyway, just ask God to remove the jealousy from your life, and take your relationship one day, and one step at a time, trust me, it works.
God Bless-
Nathan
God Bless-
Nathan
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Katty
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Wow I'm sorry you feel that way. Its understandable why you'd feel the way that you do, but remember that their relationship is not yours. Also, ponder this point--- you say that you and your boyfriend don't know if you are each other's match... are you still together because the length of the relationship? Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you somehow feel that you aren't right for one another, why are you still with each other? Are you settling for less than what you know you really and truly want? I don't mean to sound mean or harsh, so please forgive me if I come off as that. I just know how it is to want to stay with someone because of the length of the relationship and having to compromise the real things that I want in a lasting relationship. As for your best friend, sweetie, you have to loook beyond your own motives and feelings. She's your best friend. Love her enough to be honest with her too if it bothers you that much. Do not begin to resent her because of this... it maybe true that she is a little immature for being 18, but the thing is, you're her best friend and you need to be the support that a best friend is supposed to be. Once again, I didn't mean to sound mean or anything, so please don't take it as that. I hope things get better.
God bless,
~Katty~
I'm sorry you feel that way. Its understandable why you'd feel the way that you do, but remember that their relationship is not yours. Also, ponder this point--- you say that you and your boyfriend don't know if you are each other's match... are you still together because the length of the relationship? Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you somehow feel that you aren't right for one another, why are you still with each other? Are you settling for less than what you know you really and truly want? I don't mean to sound mean or harsh, so please forgive me if I come off as that. I just know how it is to want to stay with someone because of the length of the relationship and having to compromise the real things that I want in a lasting relationship. As for your best friend, sweetie, you have to loook beyond your own motives and feelings. She's your best friend. Love her enough to be honest with her too if it bothers you that much. Do not begin to resent her because of this... it maybe true that she is a little immature for being 18, but the thing is, you're her best friend and you need to be the support that a best friend is supposed to be. Once again, I didn't mean to sound mean or anything, so please don't take it as that. I hope things get better.God bless,
~Katty~
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Warrior Poet
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- Jun 25, 2003
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All natural feelings indeed.
From very personal experience, my dear dont envy being married(its great but there is NO NEED to rush), wether you think it or not you are still very young and you have maturing to do as well, and your man well he definitly does. (all guys do, even when we think we dont) But you have to be there, in the spot where YOU feel its comfortable and right (from your post I think you arent there yet, and that is very healthy and ok) and where you know God is at the base right along side your friendship. I somewhat agree with Katty if you are doubting that you are matches and still are together I think you both should take a personal journey to find what and where you really are. I married out of the realm of friendship and God, and it ended just as it should of in that case, 7 years is a long time to one with one person, you get so comfortable you fear you can never have that again, but you can. I have been happy since we have split cause my views and life have taken several drastic turns thanks to her (by the way happy birthday Jess) but we werent meant to be together no matter how much we tried or talked about it. You can be angry you can be jealous but those things will dwell inside you and push you to a point where it will affect your relationship, and the last thing you need or want to do is place pressure on your boys shoulder about marriage, we scare easy. Finish school, buy your first car, make sure he has lived on his own, washed his own clothes payed his own rent shopped and cooked for himself, he needs to be ready for marriage just as much as you are ready to have a wedding.
Warrior Poet
From very personal experience, my dear dont envy being married(its great but there is NO NEED to rush), wether you think it or not you are still very young and you have maturing to do as well, and your man well he definitly does. (all guys do, even when we think we dont) But you have to be there, in the spot where YOU feel its comfortable and right (from your post I think you arent there yet, and that is very healthy and ok) and where you know God is at the base right along side your friendship. I somewhat agree with Katty if you are doubting that you are matches and still are together I think you both should take a personal journey to find what and where you really are. I married out of the realm of friendship and God, and it ended just as it should of in that case, 7 years is a long time to one with one person, you get so comfortable you fear you can never have that again, but you can. I have been happy since we have split cause my views and life have taken several drastic turns thanks to her (by the way happy birthday Jess) but we werent meant to be together no matter how much we tried or talked about it. You can be angry you can be jealous but those things will dwell inside you and push you to a point where it will affect your relationship, and the last thing you need or want to do is place pressure on your boys shoulder about marriage, we scare easy. Finish school, buy your first car, make sure he has lived on his own, washed his own clothes payed his own rent shopped and cooked for himself, he needs to be ready for marriage just as much as you are ready to have a wedding.
Warrior Poet
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E-beth
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You just wait and see if there isn't a time when your friend will be jealous of YOU. Because after her party is over, she will have a real life facing her, and she may very well wish that she had waited like you did.
When you feel down on your relationship, find some older, married women to talk to. They will set you straight.
When you feel down on your relationship, find some older, married women to talk to. They will set you straight.
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IslandBreeze
Caribbean Queen
Belle--I know EXACTLY how you feel! When Jay and I were engaged, and planning our wedding, I hated everybody who was getting married before us. I would go to weddings, and glare at the bride as she walked down the aisle. And then I would go home and cry and cry and cry because it wasn't me. The year that I was engaged seemed like the absolute longest of my life--i HATED being engaged. I felt like I was in a cage, waiting to get out and FINALLY marry my fiance.
But you know what? All that meanness and hatred and anger was totally not worth it. When MY wedding day came, it was the best day of my life--it was worth a year of waiting! And I remember thinking back during the day about how nasty I had been during my engagement (Jay and I got into some horrendous fights, because I kept begging him to move the wedding date up). If I had to do it all over again, I would enjoy being engaged, and try to enjoy planning a wedding, instead of fretting over everything and everyone.
But again, I totally relate to what you're saying.
But you know what? All that meanness and hatred and anger was totally not worth it. When MY wedding day came, it was the best day of my life--it was worth a year of waiting! And I remember thinking back during the day about how nasty I had been during my engagement (Jay and I got into some horrendous fights, because I kept begging him to move the wedding date up). If I had to do it all over again, I would enjoy being engaged, and try to enjoy planning a wedding, instead of fretting over everything and everyone.
But again, I totally relate to what you're saying.
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Well, if you're going to be jealous now, what's going to stop you from being jealous in the future? What if her kids are "more handsome" than yours or her husband gives her more money to spend or they live in a bigger house?
"Don't covet" was a commandment ... but I think you know this already, it's just that you're wondering what to do about it.
I think the best answer to this is to go back to the Bible again... Phil 4:11 "for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."
I think you should ask God to forgive you for being discontent with what He's given you (and make no mistake, this IS what He has given you), and then thank him for the fact that he's been so wise in his timing.
Here's another one ... Eccl 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful in its time."
And another ... Eccl 8:5-6 "Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure. For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man's misery weighs heavily upon him."
(Isn't the Word of God awesome?!)
"Don't covet" was a commandment ... but I think you know this already, it's just that you're wondering what to do about it.
I think the best answer to this is to go back to the Bible again... Phil 4:11 "for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."
I think you should ask God to forgive you for being discontent with what He's given you (and make no mistake, this IS what He has given you), and then thank him for the fact that he's been so wise in his timing.
Here's another one ... Eccl 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful in its time."
And another ... Eccl 8:5-6 "Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure. For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man's misery weighs heavily upon him."
(Isn't the Word of God awesome?!)
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Katty
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I'm sorry, I didnt mean to sound like I wanted you to break up, I was just saying that sometimes, its a good thing if you can't see yourself marrying one another to step back and evaluate what you want from a person and a relationship. I'm glad that you can see yourself marrying this guy Best wishes to you.
God bless,
~Katty~
I'm glad that you can see yourself marrying this guy Best wishes to you.God bless,
~Katty~
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