I've returned to my Christian faith and he hasn't

[defosco]

Hi there,

I'm new to these forums, but could really do with some insights into my situation. Just over a week ago I found God again and truely have committed myself to my faith and God's will. However, my husband basically rejects God and religion and is not supporting me in my faith (i.e. going to church etc).

My problem is this: If he rejects my God and my faith, is he essentially rejecting me? I know him and he will not accept God into his life and he has made this very clear to me. How can we continue to live as a married couple when I believe and he doesn't?

 

[dorig59]

You need to give it a little time. Let him see your changed attitudes and behavior. Pray like crazy for the Holy Spirit to speak to him. Bide your time. If you have a body of believers you belong to, ask them to pray along with you for this.

 

[xDenax]

No, he isn't rejecting you. Why would you expect him to make a complete turn around because you did last week? That's unfair to him. Many people live in relationship where one of them is a Believer and the other is not. I am one of those people. Sure I would love if my husband loved and followed God too but it does not prevent us from having a happy relationship.

 

[DZoolander]

Exactly.

You're talking about a week here. What does that amount to - that he didn't go to one Sunday service with you?

Give it some time.

 

[myanchor]

Familylife.com had a radio series about this and included authors Nancy Kennedy and Nancy Sebastion something. Click on past radio programs, and go back about a week to find them.

Don't let him prevent you from going to fellowship, but also if he wants you to spend time with him some Sundays, by all means do so. Maybe go every other week, if he wants you to be with him.

 

[moonkitty]

I think it is possible for two people of different faiths to be happily married as long as there is respect for each other and each other's beliefs. Just because you feel that Chrisianity is right for you, you can not make that claim for your spouse. I also do not see not going to chruch as not being supportive. Now if he was making it nearly impossible for you to go to church or making you feel bad for going to chruch, then yeah, I would see that as non-supportive (and somewhat emotionally abusive). But just not wanting to go to chruch I don't see as non-supportive.

Hubby and I have been married for 14 years, he is a Lutheran, and I am an atheist. While our marriage is not without it's problem, religon has never really been that big of a deal.

I understand that his faith is what he believes in, and I have no desire to make him believe otherwise. It is not my place to go around telling people what to believe in. Everyone has to come to that on thier own. I don't tell him he is stupid, or foolish or all the other stuff people claim that ALL atheist do. Because I love him I want him to be happy in his faith. I don't want to tear down his faith because I know it is important to him. Sometimes I go to church with him, sometimes I even go to church without him (mainly when the kids ask or his mom wants me to go with her.)

I don't believe in his faith, but that does not mean that I reject him. I love him and want what is the best for him. The only thing I would reject was if he was to put the condition on our marriage that I would have to believe the same as he does. But since he does not make it an issue then we do not have any difficulty.

He respects how I feel, and how I believe and does not set out to change it. He does not make me feel horrible or try to guilt me into going to chruch. He does not reject me just because he does not share how I feel about religon.

 

[xDenax]

Let me ask you this, were you happy before? Did you have any serious issues?

 

[Mrs Amys Music]

So sorry you're going through this! Pray for him. Simply, live the life. Let him come talk to you if he's curious about your new living--or Christianity. Otherwise, he may feel preached to--which I know will frustrate him.

 

[BeanMak]

Paul addresses this in scripture. As long as the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay, the believing spouse should remain in the relationship and provide an example of Christ's love to the unbeliever. Example, not nag.

 

[defosco]

Thanks for all your replies. Perhaps I should offer more of a background. My husband was raised Roman Catholic and has completely rejected God and his faith. He makes jokes about God and religion and will use all the "theories" that discredit God and the Bible.

One of the reasons (but not the only) that I have found my faith again is because my husband and I are currently only really co-habiting and looking after our 2-year old son. We do not function as a couple and have not been intimate for nearly a year now.

Because I know how he feels about religion I would never "preach" to him or given him an ultimatum to become Christian. However, he will not go to church with me and refuses that I take our son with me. I went to church for the first time on Sunday and because I was away for 3 hours he complained about it! It's not about him wanting to spend time with me because when I am home he is upstairs on his computer all day anyway (this is something I have spoken to him about already - he still doesn't see why this is an issue for me).

I am praying to God every day to give me guidance as to which path my marriage should go... but thanks for your comments they have been really helpful.

 

[xDenax]

My first thought when I originally read your post is that you were looking for an excuse to leave your marriage.

 

[defosco]

My first thought when I originally read your post is that you were looking for an excuse to leave your marriage.

xDenax since I have rediscovered my faith all I've been doing is pray for my marriage. Yes I'm not completely happy with they way things are now, and I'm hoping that through time God will make me a better person which in turn will improve my marriage. I think it's more complicated than just "looking for an excuse to leave".

 

[dorig59]

xDenax since I have rediscovered my faith all I've been doing is pray for my marriage. Yes I'm not completely happy with they way things are now, and I'm hoping that through time God will make me a better person which in turn will improve my marriage. I think it's more complicated than just "looking for an excuse to leave".

Hang in there, friend. I know you're in a very difficult situation. Perhaps you could fellowship with some other people that are in the same position as you? Either here or at your body of believeres, whatever you can find.

 

[mkgal1]

My first thought when I originally read your post is that you were looking for an excuse to leave your marriage.

Hopefully your second thought was less judgmental than your first.

 

[myanchor]

mkgal1, chill, xdenax posts some good thoughtful stuff. Don't run her off, okay?

When I read the title I wondered why she was posting that exact question. Is she really angry? Is she asking for advice? Is he doing something he shouldn't? Is she feeling despair about the relationship? It is a good title to make people want to read where she is coming from, ya know?

 

[mkgal1]

Hi there,

I'm new to these forums, but could really do with some insights into my situation. Just over a week ago I found God again and truely have committed myself to my faith and God's will. However, my husband basically rejects God and religion and is not supporting me in my faith (i.e. going to church etc).

My problem is this: If he rejects my God and my faith, is he essentially rejecting me? I know him and he will not accept God into his life and he has made this very clear to me. How can we continue to live as a married couple when I believe and he doesn't?

You have gotten a lot of good insight in the previous posts...I think Moonkitty's perspective can really offer you a lot of understanding about how people of two faiths that genuinely love eachother can make that work, but I don't think your situation is just a matter of two separate faiths.

I am really glad that you have found your faith again; I am sure that it offers you hope. Please cling to that...don't let your husband take that away from you by making you feel guilty about leaving him for the 3 hours on Sunday. As Moonkitty said, if he does that, it is emotional abuse. You can stand your ground, but at the same time be respectful of him.

BTW...how long have you been married?

 

[johnd]

Hi there,

I'm new to these forums, but could really do with some insights into my situation. Just over a week ago I found God again and truely have committed myself to my faith and God's will. However, my husband basically rejects God and religion and is not supporting me in my faith (i.e. going to church etc).

My problem is this: If he rejects my God and my faith, is he essentially rejecting me? I know him and he will not accept God into his life and he has made this very clear to me. How can we continue to live as a married couple when I believe and he doesn't?

I suggest simply living your faith. Be faithful to your faith without neglecting him. Some folks fear losing their spouse to the sanctimonious mooch brigade (some churches appear to be from the outside). Pay your tithes, be in the church every time they open the doors, volunteer in the kitchen, the nursery, Sunday School, choir, and ladies coffee / Bible study / gossip sessions on Thursday morning.

Ralph or Sam may fear having a dirty house, no food, and soiled underwear to wear because his wife has become the Church lady... not to mention missing out on getting in some couple's time...

After you've done what it is you usually do around the house, bring him a beer, tweak the toe sticking out of his sock as he watches a ball game and tell him you are going to go read your Bible for a little while. He won't expect it. And after a few times he may wonder what it is (a normal girl like yourself) sees in this Bible business... after all somewhere along the way he was convinced it was all hogwash... you've shown him something different.

He is not rejecting you. As I said, he fears losing you. Show him he won't and that you are working on being a better you, that this faith stuff works and improves you. Don't tell him. Show him.

I recommend you get into a good Bible study that will further ground you in the faith. Systematic theology and apologetics are great for doing this. Teaching you why you believe what you believe. If you are audio oriented (like I am) this is the best time in history for you with Ipod technology you can download sermons, lectures, the scriptures themselves on audio... and listen while you drive or work or do chores.

Invite him along to church. Don't harp on it. Believe me, positive changes in you will melt his heart better than anything else.

God be with you and your husband.