I've been praying for months but still feel abandoned.

[sunblue4]

Hi everybody. I'm a 23 year old female that is really struggling in my walk with Christ. I guess it woul be better explained to show you the most recent journal entry of mine, to really explain how I feel. I guess you would say I feel lost and angry and I'm struggling to understand why God won't answer me.... So here it is:


Jesus. Where are you? I have been desperately seeking you for months now with no answer. I read your Word for hours every night, gone to church, poured out my heart to you and am met with silence. Though I enjoy those things, I still don't feel the "presence" of you in my heart. I see how quickly and easily the devil comes into my life, yet you remain distant. Why? Am I too far gone? Am I too horrible of a person? Am I too blind or stubborn to see you? I've asked you to lighten my heart and show me the path you want me on, why don't you? If we are all put on this earth to serve you and walk your path, why don't you help me find it? Are you waiting to see if I fail again ? If I am truly ready this time? I keep coming back to you feeling farther and farther away because you are nowhere to be found. Sure you are in the sun and the sky and my blessings, but why are you not in my heart? I'm angry, it makes me want to give up and stopping to church. It makes me want to figure it out on my own since you offer no advice or help or even hint that you exist. I want nothing more than to strengthen my relationship with you, but still you are silent. Are you just testing my perseverance? Because it would be a lot stronger if you showed up once in a while. Im not asking you to fix things or change the hard things or work miracles, just to be in my heart. Why are you not there?

 

[motherprayer]

My dear sister, I love you, and I encourage you to stay strong! PM me if you would like to talk to someone who has suffered from feeling distant from Christ!

You feel SOMETHING, because you are being called to pray, but I know how hard it can be to truly FEEL God's presence!

PLEASE don't give up! God is with you, and He will never leave!

 

[paul1149]

Trust Jesus implicitly. Don't go by feelings. The Master Potter knows exactly what you need and will supply it at its proper time. He said to abide in faith and love and His peace, which He does not rescind. If you endure and persist in these things, the feelings are going to come. They have to. Don't give up. Jesus is already with you. This is why Paul prayed that the Ephesians would receive the revelation of the heritage they already had in Christ.

 

[Shulamite7]

Hi everybody. I'm a 23 year old female that is really struggling in my walk with Christ. I guess it woul be better explained to show you the most recent journal entry of mine, to really explain how I feel. I guess you would say I feel lost and angry and I'm struggling to understand why God won't answer me.... So here it is:


Jesus. Where are you? I have been desperately seeking you for months now with no answer. I read your Word for hours every night, gone to church, poured out my heart to you and am met with silence. Though I enjoy those things, I still don't feel the "presence" of you in my heart. I see how quickly and easily the devil comes into my life, yet you remain distant. Why? Am I too far gone? Am I too horrible of a person? Am I too blind or stubborn to see you? I've asked you to lighten my heart and show me the path you want me on, why don't you? If we are all put on this earth to serve you and walk your path, why don't you help me find it? Are you waiting to see if I fail again ? If I am truly ready this time? I keep coming back to you feeling farther and farther away because you are nowhere to be found. Sure you are in the sun and the sky and my blessings, but why are you not in my heart? I'm angry, it makes me want to give up and stopping to church. It makes me want to figure it out on my own since you offer no advice or help or even hint that you exist. I want nothing more than to strengthen my relationship with you, but still you are silent. Are you just testing my perseverance? Because it would be a lot stronger if you showed up once in a while. Im not asking you to fix things or change the hard things or work miracles, just to be in my heart. Why are you not there?

Don't trust your feelings. Just pray and read the Bible, grasp what it says. Ask God to give you the wisdom and understanding to understand His Word. Then stand on His promises, obey His commandments, do His Will and not your own. Then some day (in God's timing) you will KNOW His protection, you will KNOW that He is always true to His Word. Ask Him for His peace.

You can begin choosing His path by witnessing to the lost. If you have problems then you can use them as a solution to others problems. If you have learned anything from your problems you can channel that to help others in need. When you realize that you are helping out and that your advice is a source of encouragement to others then you might find more peace with yourself.

 

[Harry3142]

There's a story which I first heard decades ago:

A man was offered a chance to witness both hell and heaven while still alive. First his guide took him to hell. But rather than seeing people burning in fire, he saw people sitting at a table with a scrumptious banquet set before them.

But they were so miserable that he asked his guide what the problem was. In response the guide told him to take a close look at the utensils which they needed to use in order to partake of the banquet. Those utensiles were so long that it was impossible for them to feed themselves by using them, and they could not feed themselves without them.

Then the guide took the man to heaven. But it was exactly the same as hell insofar as the setup was concerned. The banquet was there, and the extremely long utensils were also there, as well. But rather than the people's being miserable, they were talking and laughing with one another.

Again the man asked his guide for the reason behind the people's demeanor, this time being curious as to why they were so happy when faced with the same scenario that had made those in hell miserable. In response, the guide told him to observe what they were doing, and suddenly the man understood the cause of their joy. They were feeding each other.

In order to 'complete the circuit' of faith in Christ we need to reach one hand out to him so that he can take it in his, and thus both save and guide us. But we also need to reach our other hand out to others in need so that Jesus' compassion to them may flow through us to them. Christianity isn't a religion that simply is to come to us. Instead, it's a religion that is to come through us to others, not only through our words, but more importantly through our actions.

God bless-

 

[asiyreh]

Hi everybody. I'm a 23 year old female that is really struggling in my walk with Christ. I guess it woul be better explained to show you the most recent journal entry of mine, to really explain how I feel. I guess you would say I feel lost and angry and I'm struggling to understand why God won't answer me.... So here it is:

Jesus. Where are you? I have been desperately seeking you for months now with no answer. I read your Word for hours every night, gone to church, poured out my heart to you and am met with silence. Though I enjoy those things, I still don't feel the "presence" of you in my heart. I see how quickly and easily the devil comes into my life, yet you remain distant. Why? Am I too far gone? Am I too horrible of a person? Am I too blind or stubborn to see you? I've asked you to lighten my heart and show me the path you want me on, why don't you? If we are all put on this earth to serve you and walk your path, why don't you help me find it? Are you waiting to see if I fail again ? If I am truly ready this time? I keep coming back to you feeling farther and farther away because you are nowhere to be found. Sure you are in the sun and the sky and my blessings, but why are you not in my heart? I'm angry, it makes me want to give up and stopping to church. It makes me want to figure it out on my own since you offer no advice or help or even hint that you exist. I want nothing more than to strengthen my relationship with you, but still you are silent. Are you just testing my perseverance? Because it would be a lot stronger if you showed up once in a while. Im not asking you to fix things or change the hard things or work miracles, just to be in my heart. Why are you not there?

Examine the things in your life that remove you from the indwelling of the holy spirit. Indwelling of the holy spirit doesn't happen at conversion.

because the Holy Spirit had not yet come on any of them; they had simply been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit. Acts 8:16-17

 

[Peripatetic]

Thank you for sharing. Your journal entry was beautiful, and not so unlike some of the psalms, so you are in good company with those feelings.

God tests each of us in ways that are important for our growth in wisdom and faith. Even if it seems like your faith is weaker right now, maybe it's actually important to strengthen it. Or maybe your challenges are meant to help someone else in a way that you'll never know. I pray that you will continue to trust and persevere.

 

[ByTheSpirit]

Examine the things in your life that remove you from the indwelling of the holy spirit. Indwelling of the holy spirit doesn't happen at conversion.

because the Holy Spirit had not yet come on any of them; they had simply been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit. Acts 8:16-17

Outside of this ^ you received great advice... This ^ is bad because it's false... Ephesians 1:13-14 says that when you hear the Word of God and believed in Him you were sealed with the Holy Spirit. It's an instanteous thing... What the poster is talking about is the Holy Spirit baptism which comes later, just misguided advice.

Stay strong in the Lord. Part of having faith is going through things that we can't understand. Sometimes God takes us through a wilderness to lead us to a time of blessing and prosperity, much like the Israelites under Moses in the wilderness. Other times, we go through storms not knowing why the Lord is seemingly absent and sleeping while we drown, the disciples had this fear more than once and when they asked Jesus to wake up to help them He asked them why they had such little faith. Jesus is with you child! He is strong on your behalf. Faith a lot of times means believing beyond what you can see, touch, or feel. It is knowing that when God says I will never leave you or forsake you (Joshua 1:5-9; Hebrews 13:5) that He is there. And when He says not to fear for He will help you (Isaiah 41:10, 13) that He will do so. A lot of times we get ourselves into much deeper trouble by trying to fight and scratch our own way out when God all the time is trying to help us if we just remain calm and confident that He is able to pull us out of whatever situation life throws at us. Like kicking in quick sand. I myself have never been in the stuff but we all have heard that kicking and moving around in quicksand to try and get out will actually make a person sink faster, it's the same concept. Remain calm, God knows what you are feeling and He is willing and able to deliver you. I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[insurchoftruth]

God loves us, because of who he is, because he is Love, and not because of who we are, what we do, or because we are very lovable. Why did he love us, before we were saved or born again – Ephessians 2:4,5, John 3:16

You are worth the blood of Jesus Christ – John 3:16

Love is looking for a relationship and fellowship, in order to express itself. Fellowship does not exist without love, because fellowship is the purpose of love.

Love your neighbour as yourself, has two parts. One is to not do evil to your neighbour. The other part is to do good to your neighbour.

God will not compromise his holiness and righteousness, only because he loves you, because for him to deal with you and discipline you, in holiness and righteousness is as important for him, as for loving you. It hirts God, when he is punishing you, and he does not want to punish you, but he has to, because his holiness and righteousness must be displayed in your life.

Loving God with all heart and mind and strenght, is like an drug addiction.

God's first wish is to love you, and his second wish, is to discipline you. He created you in order to love you, and not to discipline you. God does not want to send people, which he loves, to hell, but he has to, for the sake of his righteousness and holiness, and because people deny him. Mercy triumphs over judgement.

Conditional love says – 'If you scratch my back, I will scratch yours.'
Unconditional love says - 'I will scratch your back, even if you do not scratch my.'

God never gives you anything, in order to get back from you. That is his unconditional love.

Love never demands, but gives you free choice to obey it or not.

If somebody gives you a hug, you also have to open your arms, and give them a hug.

To trust in God is to trust in Love, because God is Love.

1 John 3:1, 4:10,16,19, John 3:16, 14:21,23, 16:27, 17:23,26, Psalm 103:8,11,13,17,18, Psalm 108:4, Psalm 63:3, Psalm 145:7,8,9,17,20, Psalm 147:11, Psalm 52, Psalm 25:6,7,8,10, Ephesians 2:4-9, 3:14-19, 5:1, 6:23, Psalm 33, Psalm 117:2, Lamentations 3:22,23,25,31,32,33, Titus 3:4,5, Psalm 13, Galatians 6:2, Psalm 31:16,19,21, Jeremiah 29:11, 31:3,14, 32:41,42, 33:9,11, Psalm 85:7, Psalm 90:14, Isaiah 63:7, Psalm 69, Exodus 33:19, 34:6,7, Deuteronomy 5:10, Psalm 86:5,6,13,15,17, Psalm 48:9, John 17:23,26, Matthew 5:45, 7:9,10,11, Romans 1:7, 5:5,6,7,8, 8:28,31-39, 12:2,15, Psalm 130:7, Psalm 27:13, 2 Timothy 2:12, Isaiah 30:18, Psalm 73:1, Micah 7:18,20, Genesis 1:31, Psalm 6:4

 

[aiki]

Hi everybody. I'm a 23 year old female that is really struggling in my walk with Christ. I guess it woul be better explained to show you the most recent journal entry of mine, to really explain how I feel. I guess you would say I feel lost and angry and I'm struggling to understand why God won't answer me.... So here it is:


Jesus. Where are you? I have been desperately seeking you for months now with no answer.

James 4:8-10
8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

I read your Word for hours every night, gone to church, poured out my heart to you and am met with silence.

If you are reading God's Word, He is speaking. Are you listening? Every time you open the pages of your Bible and read, God is communicating with you - or trying to. It puzzles me greatly that you can acknowledge that it is God's Word that you read when you study your Bible and yet still think He is silent towards you.

Jeremiah 15:16
16 Your words were found, and I ate them, And Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart; For I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts.

Hebrews 4:12
12 For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Though I enjoy those things, I still don't feel the "presence" of you in my heart.

What does this mean? What does His presence in your heart feel like, exactly? Does the Word of God become untrue if our feelings don't correspond to it?

I see how quickly and easily the devil comes into my life, yet you remain distant. Why? Am I too far gone? Am I too horrible of a person? Am I too blind or stubborn to see you?

Are you? Your sin always has a hindering effect upon your fellowship with God. Are you keeping short accounts with Him?

1 John 1:8-9
8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I've asked you to lighten my heart and show me the path you want me on, why don't you?

I thought you said you were reading God's Word. In it God explains very clearly what path He wants His children to walk. Why aren't you walking it?

If we are all put on this earth to serve you and walk your path, why don't you help me find it?

But He has! There are countless verses in the Bible which clearly and explicitly tell you what God's will is for you - and all of His chidren. Here are just a few:

1 Thessalonians 4:3-7
3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that you should abstain from fornication:
4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;
5 Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles who know not God:
6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.
7 For God has not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness.

1 Corinthians 10:31
31 Whether therefore you eat, or drink, or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Matthew 5:16
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

Are you waiting to see if I fail again ? If I am truly ready this time? I keep coming back to you feeling farther and farther away because you are nowhere to be found.

This is a lie. And every time you give it ground in your thinking, its roots spread deeper and farther into your mind and heart.

Hebrews 13:5-6 (NKJV)
5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
6 So we may boldly say: "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?"

Sure you are in the sun and the sky and my blessings, but why are you not in my heart? I'm angry, it makes me want to give up and stopping to church.

And this is why giving these lying thoughts room in your thinking is so destructive. Why not try telling yourself God's truth rather than these falsehoods born of deceiving feelings?

It makes me want to figure it out on my own since you offer no advice or help or even hint that you exist.

No hint? Are you sure about that?

Psalms 19:1
1 The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork.

Romans 1:20-21
20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse,
21 because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened.

I want nothing more than to strengthen my relationship with you, but still you are silent. Are you just testing my perseverance? Because it would be a lot stronger if you showed up once in a while. Im not asking you to fix things or change the hard things or work miracles, just to be in my heart. Why are you not there?

Why indeed? If you are truly God's child, He is there - regardless of what your feelings may indicate. This is what God's Word tells you. Will you trust it, or your feelings and experience?

Hebrews 4:2
2 For unto us was the gospel preached, as well as unto them: but the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it.

Hebrews 11:6
6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that comes to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

Selah.

 

[TheGuide]

Don't go by how you feel. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Jesus said without faith it is impossible to please God, so trust in Him regardless of the circumstances. A minister once gave the following example:

An officer is directing work-hour traffice but he feels weak, has a headache and bad cold. He wants to be home in bed. However, when he raises his hand for cars to stop, they stop. When he fans his hand for cars to go, they go. Regardless how he feels his faith in the authority bestowed upon him remains soundly in tact, and operating in full power.

God bless you.

 

[Ace99]

I do feel for you, I went through something similar god wouldn't answer me or acknowledge me, he felt a million miles away but in the midst of it he taught me about patience and endurance something that I have always struggled with, do you think he could be trying to teach you something? Please don't think for a minute god doesn't love you because he absolutely adores you, you are his precious child. Something that helped me to get closer to him though it took s bit was being real with him, he has big shoulders he can take what you have to say, it helped me to treat this relationship in the right way because I was honest, when I was angry, I told him, when I was upset I told him, and when I cried, I cried in front of him, he was the one I took everything to, I also found that although it was hard sometimes I would praise him, I put on my worship music and said thank you for saving me, there where times where it was hard to praise him but I did it anyway, I said I love you, I wish you would answer me but your will be done, it took a while for him to answer me but I learned a lot while waiting and when he did speak the words were so sweet, please don't give up, god will make his presence known to you and your heart will fill with love. Keep pressing into the lord. God bless you, I'm here if you ever want to talk more about this, my prayers are with you.

 

[speedy119626]

Amen

 

[KashiaJN142627]

I am wondering what bible scripture you are referring to. this reads like Peter and John obviously are not here in the flesh, could you give bible scripture to further explain your meaning? thank you,
gently asking

Examine the things in your life that remove you from the indwelling of the holy spirit. Indwelling of the holy spirit doesn't happen at conversion.

because the Holy Spirit had not yet come on any of them; they had simply been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit. Acts 8:16-17

 

[asiyreh]

Outside of this ^ you received great advice... This ^ is bad because it's false... Ephesians 1:13-14 says that when you hear the Word of God and believed in Him you were sealed with the Holy Spirit. It's an instanteous thing... What the poster is talking about is the Holy Spirit baptism which comes later, just misguided advice.

Stay strong in the Lord. Part of having faith is going through things that we can't understand. Sometimes God takes us through a wilderness to lead us to a time of blessing and prosperity, much like the Israelites under Moses in the wilderness. Other times, we go through storms not knowing why the Lord is seemingly absent and sleeping while we drown, the disciples had this fear more than once and when they asked Jesus to wake up to help them He asked them why they had such little faith. Jesus is with you child! He is strong on your behalf. Faith a lot of times means believing beyond what you can see, touch, or feel. It is knowing that when God says I will never leave you or forsake you (Joshua 1:5-9; Hebrews 13:5) that He is there. And when He says not to fear for He will help you (Isaiah 41:10, 13) that He will do so. A lot of times we get ourselves into much deeper trouble by trying to fight and scratch our own way out when God all the time is trying to help us if we just remain calm and confident that He is able to pull us out of whatever situation life throws at us. Like kicking in quick sand. I myself have never been in the stuff but we all have heard that kicking and moving around in quicksand to try and get out will actually make a person sink faster, it's the same concept. Remain calm, God knows what you are feeling and He is willing and able to deliver you. I'll keep you in my prayers.

OnlyByGrace is technically correct here. I did mean Holy Spirit Baptism; when I said indwelling of the Holy spirit, I'm attempting to best explain the knowledge/feeling/life you experience, once this occurs.

Good call Grace.

 

[asiyreh]

I am wondering what bible scripture you are referring to. this reads like Peter and John obviously are not here in the flesh, could you give bible scripture to further explain your meaning? thank you,
gently asking

Check this out Kashia, God's words are always better than mine.


But when they believed Philip as he proclaimed the good news of the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. Simon himself believed and was baptized. And he followed Philip everywhere, astonished by the great signs and miracles he saw.

When the apostles in Jerusalem heard that Samaria had accepted the word of God, they sent Peter and John to Samaria. When they arrived, they prayed for the new believers there that they might receive the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit had not yet come on any of them; they had simply been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit. Acts 8:12-17

 

[Emmy]

Dear sunblue4. Jesus loves you, and Jesus knows what you want, but until you tell Him what He can do for you, what do you expect? In Matthew 22,
verse 35-40, Jesus tells a Lawyer: " The first and great Commandment is:
Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
The second is like it: Love thy neighbour as thyself." God wants our Love, freely given and no conditions tagged on. Jesus knows that you love Him, and a good way would be to follow these Commandments to love and care.
"Treat all you know and all you meet, as you would love to be treated:
kindly and with love, with friendly words and helping hands, (where needed) and generally be a good neighbour. God will see your sincere efforts, and God will bless you, God also will know that you Love God, because you are following God`s Commandments to love and care. Jesus will give you His Love and Joy, and the Holy Spirit will empower with His Love, also. Then thank God, and share all Love and Joy with your neighbour.( all around, friends and not friends) " Ask and ye will receive," ( Matthew 7, verses7-8)
God is Love and God wants loving children/sons and daughters. Love is a Christian`s strong weapon, with love we overcome all enmity and wrong behaviour. People will try and treat us the same, and many will accept Jesus as their Saviour.
You might stumble and forget often, but then ask God to forgive you, and carry on Loving God with all your being, and love your neighbour as yourself.
Soon you will feel Jesus in your heart or by your side, keep thanking Him and following Him. Talk to Jesus directly and let Him know that you wish to be His
follower, Jesus will always help and guide us, in fact Jesus is The Way.
I say this with love, sunblue. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[tbogunro]

Hi everybody. I'm a 23 year old female that is really struggling in my walk with Christ. I guess it woul be better explained to show you the most recent journal entry of mine, to really explain how I feel. I guess you would say I feel lost and angry and I'm struggling to understand why God won't answer me.... So here it is:


Jesus. Where are you? I have been desperately seeking you for months now with no answer. I read your Word for hours every night, gone to church, poured out my heart to you and am met with silence. Though I enjoy those things, I still don't feel the "presence" of you in my heart. I see how quickly and easily the devil comes into my life, yet you remain distant. Why? Am I too far gone? Am I too horrible of a person? Am I too blind or stubborn to see you? I've asked you to lighten my heart and show me the path you want me on, why don't you? If we are all put on this earth to serve you and walk your path, why don't you help me find it? Are you waiting to see if I fail again ? If I am truly ready this time? I keep coming back to you feeling farther and farther away because you are nowhere to be found. Sure you are in the sun and the sky and my blessings, but why are you not in my heart? I'm angry, it makes me want to give up and stopping to church. It makes me want to figure it out on my own since you offer no advice or help or even hint that you exist. I want nothing more than to strengthen my relationship with you, but still you are silent. Are you just testing my perseverance? Because it would be a lot stronger if you showed up once in a while. Im not asking you to fix things or change the hard things or work miracles, just to be in my heart. Why are you not there?

I'll give it to you straight out of love. It's a test and your're going to pass it because it's going to be your testimony! You will meet people in your future that will be going through what you went through and you will be used by God as a blessing to help them. Don't rely on feelings I repeat don't rely on your feelings!!! The devil rules that realm and all you have to do is know that God is there by faith and STICK with it no matter what the devil says. Remember it's a test, it's temporary, and God will deal with the devil for you and repay you back 2x the blessings! The devil just doesn't want to let you go because he knows if you truely start believing how much you are loved you will be a treat to his plans! Another tip only speak live giving words and what the bible says, remember there is live and death in the power of the tongue so has long as you don't speak about your circumstance or negative words you will reach the finish line a lot faster. The devil can't read minds so he needs you to speak it out and see you act fustrated in order to know what gets to you! You are already close to God just believe, watch what you say, and enjoy the fact that the devil is so worried about losing you that he's trying this hard....but guess what God is on your side so it's already game over lol

 

[Alive_Again]

Jesus. Where are you? I have been desperately seeking you for months now with no answer... poured out my heart to you and am met with silence. ...I still don't feel the "presence" of you in my heart. I see how quickly and easily the devil comes into my life, yet you remain distant. Why? Am I too far gone? ...It makes me want to figure it out on my own since you offer no advice or help or even hint that you exist...

This takes me straight back to when I first came to the Lord. I actually forgot my conversion experience a few months prior because I didn't know that's what it was! I was alone reading the Bible and had something break off my thinking. I knew I was clear on who Jesus was (as the divine Son of God). I read a book on the baptism of the Holy Spirit and I remember going to bed kind of "cooing". Anyway, I had been born again and filled with the Spirit. I was "alone" and prayed no sinner's prayer. I just read for a while and went to bed feeling different.

My behavior changed immediately. I started carrying this old catechism book I had that happened to have some scriptures in it. I talked a LOT about it with a friend. I made no commitment, but I looked forward to doing so. (I was ignorant.) I read the Bible and other spiritual books a lot. Know why? Because that is a sign of the presence of the Lord within you. You develop a hunger for spiritual food (milk actually). This does not come naturally. You should begin to acknowledge what is within you.

Some months later I came across this group that practiced the things I read about in this book about the spiritual gifts. I had them "lay hands" on me and they told me all of these things I would experience (wonderful things). I didn't experience any of them!

I felt calmer but I felt God rejected me for leaving me out of something I wanted with all of my heart. I thought I had gone too far. The enemy played my head like a tambourine. I thought I had committed the unpardonable sin. I was reminded of some big sins and was certain I was going to Hell. What a wretched time period!

Then (bells ringing and choir singing!), I began to get some understanding. I read some books by Kenneth Hagin on faith. He was raised from a deathbed in the 30s and the Lord has worked mightily with him. He told him to go teach His people faith! As I began to read the books, some light started shining. You see, as a believer (note the term), God wants you to have faith in Him and His Word. When I read the faith books, I learned how to fight the good fight of faith. More importantly, the Holy Spirit showed up and started shining the light inside me. I would get encouraged (edified) and I knew I was on the right track. I took a little while to finally get over the way you're describing, because I had to get understanding on some things, but He did it!

BTW, it wasn't until I fell hard (sinning) like I did when I was in the world, after months of basically being free (except in the head), I was so distraught that the presence of the Lord poured out and I was so sad. I asked, "Lord, why did you wait to show your presence until now, when I was ashamed of myself?" It was out of great compassion that He did this. He wants us to come to Him by faith. Without faith, it is impossible to please Him. If we're begging Him to do what His Word says He already did, then we're not pleasing Him.

You can do yourself a huge favor by getting some teaching on faith (and love) and start affirming who you are (according to the Word of God) and learn to put your saintly feet on the ground and take some steps of faith (like you belong there). You'll find the Holy Spirit will meet you there!

I run into people like this periodically and I always ask God to let me help because I was in the same place. I'm sure we differ in how we got there, but God wants to establish you in the faith (not doctrine, but a spiritual force that abides). He could have just poured out like He does do with many people, but He choose for you to approach Him in faith.

This is probably because of the calling you have and your walk will need a strong faith. Of course we all do, but if you have strong faith, you can lay hold on some things God freely offers that someone without cannot do. Many kind of "wait by the Pool of Siloam" for God to stir up the water. When you find out what is yours (past tense) in the Word of God, you can lay hold on it by faith, and not wait for the water to stir.

It's free for everyone, but God doesn't just drop all His blessings on everyone outright. He wants us to lay hold on many things. Your inheritance is your Canaan land. It is taken by a fight! The enemy opposes, and the Kingdom of Heaven suffers violence. The violent take it by force (from the devil) and appropriate! It's all done by yielding to the Holy Spirit in faith. We're waiting around for the Spirit of God, but actually He's waiting on us. A lot of it is ready for the taking right now!

I hope you receive this, because outside of the Word of God, it's all just opinions. When the Holy Spirit starts to agree with anointed preaching (on the inside of you), particularly about the truth of the Word of God, you'll find an avenue for great strength you can turn to any time you need it.