Well, it has been 1 year and almost 7 months since Donna left us, and I can't say it's gotten a whole lot easier. I still have to deal with my own grief, loneliness, and guilt -- and it has gotten a little easier for me -- but more energy is spent trying to help my 6-year-old learn how to handle his loss.
He has a healthy way of bringing his feelings out into the open and talking about them. He is so much like his Mom; he wears his heart on his sleeve and makes no attempt at hiding. He has been very open and forthcoming with me and with counselors and teachers. He is just having a hard time directing his energy in a positive, appropriate, and non-disruptive manner.
When his Mommy died, she left a gigantic hole in his heart. This is still very painful for him. He knows that he can't have his Mommy back, no matter how much he wants her, and that is a tough thing to cope with. So he tries in vain to fill that hole with other things that he thinks will bring him joy and completeness. The problem is that nothing is lasting; whatever he tries to fill the hole with simply falls through, and the hole remains.
If he sees a new toy or something that someone else has that brings them joy, he thinks that he will be happy only if he can have it too. If he can't have it, he gets very upset and it's the end of the world. He's not spoiled, and I have not the means to spoil him, but a casual observer would think so by the way he acts. He certainly tends to be self-absorbed, and it's understandable given the circumstances, but it runs far deeper than that.
When he sees other kids doing things with their moms, he feels the very depth of that hole in his heart. This is usually where all the other problems begin. I know that it is very painful for him. We talk about Jesus and how only He can fill such a large void in someone's heart, but for a 6-year-old it can be a very difficult concept to grasp, because he can't touch Jesus with his fingers, or hug Him with his arms; it's not physical. The only thing he can do is talk to Him, believe in and trust Him.
One thing I am trying is to get him to do something for someone else. By helping to bring joy to another, the joy will return and he will be energized. It will take a long time for the hurt to subside, but with each act of outpouring of love for someone, God's love will fill his heart and begin to fill the hole.
But this is such a hard thing for a hurting 6-year-old to grasp. We are seeking a new counselor, for various reasons, so he will be getting the one-on-one help that he needs. What both of us really need right now are prayers...
He has a healthy way of bringing his feelings out into the open and talking about them. He is so much like his Mom; he wears his heart on his sleeve and makes no attempt at hiding. He has been very open and forthcoming with me and with counselors and teachers. He is just having a hard time directing his energy in a positive, appropriate, and non-disruptive manner.
When his Mommy died, she left a gigantic hole in his heart. This is still very painful for him. He knows that he can't have his Mommy back, no matter how much he wants her, and that is a tough thing to cope with. So he tries in vain to fill that hole with other things that he thinks will bring him joy and completeness. The problem is that nothing is lasting; whatever he tries to fill the hole with simply falls through, and the hole remains.
If he sees a new toy or something that someone else has that brings them joy, he thinks that he will be happy only if he can have it too. If he can't have it, he gets very upset and it's the end of the world. He's not spoiled, and I have not the means to spoil him, but a casual observer would think so by the way he acts. He certainly tends to be self-absorbed, and it's understandable given the circumstances, but it runs far deeper than that.
When he sees other kids doing things with their moms, he feels the very depth of that hole in his heart. This is usually where all the other problems begin. I know that it is very painful for him. We talk about Jesus and how only He can fill such a large void in someone's heart, but for a 6-year-old it can be a very difficult concept to grasp, because he can't touch Jesus with his fingers, or hug Him with his arms; it's not physical. The only thing he can do is talk to Him, believe in and trust Him.
One thing I am trying is to get him to do something for someone else. By helping to bring joy to another, the joy will return and he will be energized. It will take a long time for the hurt to subside, but with each act of outpouring of love for someone, God's love will fill his heart and begin to fill the hole.
But this is such a hard thing for a hurting 6-year-old to grasp. We are seeking a new counselor, for various reasons, so he will be getting the one-on-one help that he needs. What both of us really need right now are prayers...
