It's so difficult

I'm going through a tough time right now -- not really relationship wise, but patience wise.

In less than a month, my boyfriend and I will have been together three years. It has truly been the best three years of my life, and I feel so blessed to have been able to spend so much time with a wonderful man of God. God has really blessed me, and I cannot thank Him enough for it! At the same time, though, sometimes I wish that we had met at a little older of an age.

It's probably rather ridiculous of me, but lately I have been dealing with these horrible bouts of depression in which I cry and cry and cry some more. We know we want to spend the rest of our lives together, and we know that God has blessed our relationship greatly, but sometimes it just seems like any possible date for us to marry is so far away. It is so hard for me to deal with, not knowing when I am finally going to be able to become one with the man I love so deeply and so strongly.

I just really need prayers right now. I am seriously lacking in patience, and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to be teary-eyed all the time, and I don't want to be so focused on the future and what we can't have right now that I don't take the time to enjoy the present. But it hit me that I'm doing exactly that with each passing day.



Jen

Hey girl!

Yeah, 3 years is a long time to wait. I have been dating my bf for 2 and a half years now.

I think that it is good to wait though, especially at your age. I know it gets hard sweetie, but patience is something that we need in all of this.

May I ask how much longer you are waiting until you get married? Why?

Sometimes it is hard to wait...oh, this I know so well!

Why are you waiting? Why not elope?

I know it's hard to wait. I'm dealing with that to, and I unfortunately don't have any advice for you.

lacedinlavender said:

I'm going through a tough time right now -- not really relationship wise, but patience wise.

In less than a month, my boyfriend and I will have been together three years. It has truly been the best three years of my life, and I feel so blessed to have been able to spend so much time with a wonderful man of God. God has really blessed me, and I cannot thank Him enough for it! At the same time, though, sometimes I wish that we had met at a little older of an age.

It's probably rather ridiculous of me, but lately I have been dealing with these horrible bouts of depression in which I cry and cry and cry some more. We know we want to spend the rest of our lives together, and we know that God has blessed our relationship greatly, but sometimes it just seems like any possible date for us to marry is so far away. It is so hard for me to deal with, not knowing when I am finally going to be able to become one with the man I love so deeply and so strongly.

I just really need prayers right now. I am seriously lacking in patience, and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to be teary-eyed all the time, and I don't want to be so focused on the future and what we can't have right now that I don't take the time to enjoy the present. But it hit me that I'm doing exactly that with each passing day.



Jen

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I've been there but believe me ,keep praying, giving your relationship to God and He'll suprise you when you least expect it!

Seriously....keep being a faithful servant to Him and make sure your heart is His and He'll bless you

Thanks for the replies I've received so far. I really appreciate them.

Starling, I'm glad that someone can really relate to how I'm feeling. One thing I'm really thankful for in our relationship is that we did meet so young, and we'll marry young as well -- giving us that many more years to serve God as man and wife. Patience is definitely something that I need to work on! We had been considering August 12 of this year, but it just doesn't seem like things are lining up like that right now. My boyfriend is looking for a job closer to home, and until he finds one, us marrying isn't really a possibility. I'm praying that God'll bless him with a job, and I know that He is fully capable. It's just hard waiting. I'm beginning to think that God is teaching me a lesson in patience.

bluenovember, I realllllly wish we could. Honestly, I'd marry him tomorrow in a heartbeat. Financially, I just don't think getting married and supporting ourselves is possible. =\ If it weren't for finances, we'd be ready in every other aspect of our lives and relationship.

Again, thank you all!

These past few days have been especially tough for me because I've been going through some things in my personal life, and I really need a shoulder to lean on. It's so hard to not be able to be with him when I really need his support. Talking on the phone just isn't the same, and it really hurts. It's almost unbearable. The time we have together is so precious and so wonderful, and really reaffirms for me that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but at the same time, it makes it so much more difficult to wait.

Jen

Hey Jen, I was engaged at your age too. I am curious to talk about the financial issues that you are dealing with. When we got married I was making 8 dollars an hour working full time, and my husband went to college and worked part time on the weekends. We had a careful budget, and we were given money at our wedding that helped us make it until I got a raise. I am just wondering if it is really as impossible as you think.... we did it and we didn't have anything but our love ... of course you have to plan out real careful, but I guess it just depends on how many frills you need.

Leanna said:

Hey Jen, I was engaged at your age too. I am curious to talk about the financial issues that you are dealing with. When we got married I was making 8 dollars an hour working full time, and my husband went to college and worked part time on the weekends. We had a careful budget, and we were given money at our wedding that helped us make it until I got a raise. I am just wondering if it is really as impossible as you think.... we did it and we didn't have anything but our love ... of course you have to plan out real careful, but I guess it just depends on how many frills you need.

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I was wondering the same thing. When we got married I was making $10.00 an hour, working 30-35 hours a week, paying $600+ a month for rent/utilities, and at least $80 a week for gas, and going to school. My husband and I lived apart for the first three months of our marriage, so we paid double for rent. Money was/is tight but not impossible. If you really want to make it work, you can. It's usually cheaper to live together, I've found, because you spend less money on rent/utilities, and less money on food because there's so much that you share.

Just something to think about

I guess the biggest part is that we're just scared. It's hard to step out on faith and just believe that you'll be all right when you've never been in that position before.

I really appreciate your encouragement and kind words. It really gives me hope that maybe I'm just not seeing the big picture...that maybe even though right now the possiblity of us marrying this summer (the ideal time) doesn't seem to even exist, in the near future things will turn around and we'll see that it will be possible. We are trying so hard to put our faith and trust in God. He knows when the time is right. I am hoping and praying that if it's the Lord's will, something'll happen very soon to show Joe and I when that right time is.

Leanna, how much did your husband make at this part time job? How much per month were you two making together? I'm not trying to be nosy, and if that's too personal, you don't have to share.

Joe and I definitely don't need any "frills." We're both simple people, really.

Are you pregnant, bluenovember??

Jen

lacedinlavender said:

Thanks for the replies I've received so far. I really appreciate them.

Starling, I'm glad that someone can really relate to how I'm feeling. One thing I'm really thankful for in our relationship is that we did meet so young, and we'll marry young as well -- giving us that many more years to serve God as man and wife. Patience is definitely something that I need to work on! We had been considering August 12 of this year, but it just doesn't seem like things are lining up like that right now. My boyfriend is looking for a job closer to home, and until he finds one, us marrying isn't really a possibility. I'm praying that God'll bless him with a job, and I know that He is fully capable. It's just hard waiting. I'm beginning to think that God is teaching me a lesson in patience.

bluenovember, I realllllly wish we could. Honestly, I'd marry him tomorrow in a heartbeat. Financially, I just don't think getting married and supporting ourselves is possible. =\ If it weren't for finances, we'd be ready in every other aspect of our lives and relationship.

Again, thank you all!

These past few days have been especially tough for me because I've been going through some things in my personal life, and I really need a shoulder to lean on. It's so hard to not be able to be with him when I really need his support. Talking on the phone just isn't the same, and it really hurts. It's almost unbearable. The time we have together is so precious and so wonderful, and really reaffirms for me that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but at the same time, it makes it so much more difficult to wait.

Jen

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It's hard when the person you love is away from you. My bf and I were apart for 5 months when he went away for some career training. It was hard. We saw each other a few times when I was able to have a break from school and fly out to see him (I was in Alaska, him in Florida). It was tough being so very far away.

Men usually want to feel that they are financially capable of providing. I don't think that is a bad thing. I wouldn't rush it, but pray about it and be patient. God's timing is best.

Starling2003 said:

Men usually want to feel that they are financially capable of providing. I don't think that is a bad thing.

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It can be a bad thing if it becomes a pride issue or an illogical reason to wait. A good reason to wait would be not wanting to get married yet or not feeling ready emotionally. I think we should be very careful not to let gender roles imprison us-- keeping us captive even when they don't work for our lives, personalities and hearts.

In our case, my husband was going to college and it just made sense that he finish. On the other hand, I didn't know what I wanted to go to college for so we decided I should wait. So I began working full time to pay for our bills while he focused on school. To answer your question lacedinlavender-- I estimate I brought home 260 a week after taxes (but we ended up getting back all of our taxes at tax return time the next year) at first, and he was making about 60-90 dollars a week working the small amount of hours he made. These numbers won't mean a lot to you if you live in a different part of the country anyway. We lived in Minneapolis.

I think it would have been quite silly had my husband said "please wait 4 years for me to finish college that way I can 'provide.'" Instead of being about us as a team in marriage it would have been about him having some preoccupation with being the provider simply because he was a man. We shouldn't get so caught on traditional gender roles that we abandon reason. We shouldn't be imprisoned by them at all but make the choices that are best for our family.

Some of the ways we saved money include: not eating out and learning to cook simple easy meals together (neither of us knew how to cook so we learned together), we rented movies instead of going out to them, we did not have the internet, we shared one car (this worked because we picked an apartment across the street from my husband's university and I drove the car to work) which means only one car insurance, one car for gas, we took and used my parent's old furniture and they bought new, oh and I should mention this whole time we paid our tithes to the church.

While I was working full time and my husband was in college right across the street, he was home a lot more than I during the day and so he did a majority of the basic housework. He did the laundry, the dishes, cleaned the bathroom, vaccumed..... yup. This made sense for us becaues that meant when I came home from work we just had to cook dinner together and then spend time together. Again, we were not contained by traditional gender roles. Later as he graduated and we both held full time jobs(ahh for the days when we had double income no kids! ) we split the housework 50-50 and now I do it.

My girlfriend and I are sort of in the same predicament as you. We met when we were young and we don't want to marry until we are both out of college. I will be 24 then. That is 6 years from now. It seems so impossibly far sometimes but it will come up quicker than we think.