Its Important to Me

[Wave3Girl]

I feel very strong about waiting for sex until marriage. It has been something that i wanted to do ever since i was a little girl. I also want a partner that has never had sex before and feels the same way as i do. I really feel that if i pray for the special guy that God will eventually send him to me.

Yet a part of me wonders if i am being too quick to judge. It just really turns me off if i find the person i am with is not a virgin. Last night the guy that i have currently been dating told me that he had had sex before....and he hinted at the fact that it was with 'fast' girls and was meaningless. Instantly I felt different about him and really just lost a lot of interest in him. He is a devoted christian and i understand that people make mistakes....but it was just kind of a let down to me because it always seems that even the nicest guys have had sex.

I just think that it would be the most special thing for two people to come together on their wedding night to have sex for the first time. And it is a two-sided thing that i want to experience. I do not want my partner to have been with someone other than me.

I am seriously thinking about breaking up with this guy....simply, because it is just not what i want. I've been praying about it but i'm still confused. Should i put these feelings aside and look over what he has done in the past....or stay set on finding a virgin and quit the relationship? I just don't want to move too quick and ruin something that God might possibly want me to work through...or would God want me to just put my faith in him that the right guy will come along?

I don't know, what do you all think?

And for the guys....any out there that feel the same way I do?

 

[EmSchmem]

Well, I was quite promiscuous before I was married and I would be heartbroken had my husband not married me because of it. Our wedding night was quite special despite my past. We had a LOT of people praying for us and for our wedding night. It IS your choice to only date men who have saved themselves but at the same time, be careful not to limit yourself. I learned a LOT through my sexual past and I'm not talking about sex. I would not go back and undo things if I could because those things have shaped who I am. I love my husband greatly and wished that I could have come to him as a virgin on our wedding night but I promise you I came to him pure of heart and soul and when we made love for the first time, I cried because I immediately knew I was cleansed of my past. My husband is a wonderful man and I know that I am blessed that God made him for me and he feels the same. He has a hard time imagining me in my past and those things I used to do. He knows he too has his own sin, and while it may not have been sleeping around there is plenty he has had to repent to me for.
I would be worried if this guy wasn't repentant, but remember, if he knows how you feel on this topic, it had to be VERY difficult for him to come to you knowing you could walk away from him. His honesty says a lot about how he feels for you and how he cares for you.
I can't tell you what to do (sorry) you have to decide on your own. You said "even the nicest guys have sex" and sadly that is true but remember that noone is immune to sin.

 

[bliz]

What do you want: a wedding night with another virgin? Or...

... a lifetime married to the right man who may not be a virgin on your wedding night?

Yes, in the best of all possible worlds it would be great if both people getting married were virgins. But we live in a real and sinful world. You have sinned, but apparently you have not committed the sin of having sex without benifit of marriage. I am assuming that you have asked God's forgivness for your sins, many times over. You have probably also asked other people to forgive you. How would you feel if a really great guy were to say, "You mean you gossiped? I could never marry a woman who had gossiped!"

No, I'm not saying the sinful sex and gossip are the same... but they are both sin in God's yes.

If this guy had been sleeping around right up until he met you, that would be another matter compleatly and in that case you'd be most foolish to even date him. But, I'm assuming, that his behavior has changed since he came to know the Lord. If the perfect and Holy God of creation can forgive him of these sins, who are you to declare that you can't?

At age 16 I trust you are not planning marriage soon, anyway. You may stick with this guy, or you may go your seperate ways, hopefully with fond memories. It is an adjustment in your thinking to discover that he is not a virgin, and adjustments take time.

REverse the situation. What if you had gotten caught up with the wrong people and made some very poor choices before you met God and met this guy? How would you want to be treated?

 

[Wave3Girl]

Thanks for your replies. It has really made me think. I mean, it is important to me, but i shouldn't totally throw this guy out of my life because of it. I don't know how his sex life has been since he's been saved because i think he's been a christian for quite some time and he just told me about him not being a virgin in such a common matter it was a little alarming. He just said "i mean, i've had sex before" like he was telling me that he had tried a hamburger before. I think i just need to find out more about his past but for the time being i think i should just set back and let God work it out the way he wants.

But again, thanks for your imput. Anyone else?

 

[Sketcher]

I do feel the same way you do. I don't want to get into reasons, because of who will probably be reading this, but I do want to marry a virgin if and when I do marry. I have made it thus far without having sex, and I want to make it until my wedding night.

Now I've known a young woman for years. She's staryed sexually in her past, before she got saved. I thought about maybe making an exception with her except that she just isn't my type and even if she was a virgin that would not change.

It's your choice what you do with this guy here. How long have you even known him? You're pretty young, so you may or may not wind up with this guy anyway. If you do stick with him, forgive him. If you stick with him and simply cannot get over it, that's unfair to both him and you.

 

[rainbowprism]

Thanks for your replies. It has really made me think. I mean, it is important to me, but i shouldn't totally throw this guy out of my life because of it. I don't know how his sex life has been since he's been saved because i think he's been a christian for quite some time and he just told me about him not being a virgin in such a common matter it was a little alarming. He just said "i mean, i've had sex before" like he was telling me that he had tried a hamburger before. I think i just need to find out more about his past but for the time being i think i should just set back and let God work it out the way he wants.

But again, thanks for your imput. Anyone else?

He could have just mentioned it so 'casually' because he was embarassed to admit it and wanted it to seem like not a huge thing, you know? Like he was downplaying it. I'd prob. do the same. When you make mistakes don't you try to make them seem not that bad?

 

[Snowhite]

Hi Wave3Girl there is nothing wrong with wanting to marry a virgin, I applaud your own commitment to virginity also. It would seem to me, that if he is the man God would have you marry, God will give you the grace to accept his past. I can understand how finding that out must have been a blow, his attitude about it will speak volumes on his character. I recommend discussing it again, even though it may be uncomfortable, and once you've found out what his attitude really is you can go from there. Just because he has lost his, doesn't mean he can't value virginity. In your place, I would want to know if he values it, and if he is repentant for what he's done and fully realized that it's an offence against his future wife.

 

[Wave3Girl]

Hi everyone. Thanks again for the response. I've known this guy for about 8 months...but i've only really 'dated' him for about a month. So its nothing serious. Ya know, and I really don't think there is anything like marriage in the future, haha, but this is just something that kind of tells me how serious i want something to perhaps get in the future.

Slowly though, i am realizing that this guy is really just not my type. Its like he sometimes click and then other times we have no connection. I'm just weighing everything out and hoping things will work themselves out.

I'm really not too worried about it anymore.

Now i'm just kind of wondering about everyone else?....how strongly do you feel about this issue?

 

[bliz]

First let me say that I believe the Bible teaches that sexual activity belongs only in a marriage. The ideal is for both husband and wife to be pure until they marry.

Please note that I have said "pure" and did not use the "V" word. I have found that many young people, sadly, even, if not especially, Christian young people, want very narrow definations for 'virgin' and are under the mistaken assumption that any activity is OK before narriage except for sexual intercourse. I have heard it said to my face. "It was oral sex, so I'm still a virgin." Even more absurd, people have said "He didn't 'come', so I'm still a virgin." or "I didn't enjoy it so I'm still a virgin."

Again, the Bible does not command us to remain virgins, it commands us to be pure. The standards for 'pure' are much higher.

I have often said to young people "Want great sex? Then save sex for your marriage. That is Step #1 to having a great sex life for the rest of your life."