It's gonna be ok

[MiniP]

Hi everyone. I just wanted to share my story and offer hope for those of you struggling. I'm a 32 female who for the first time in life experienced my first major episode of ocd, panic attacks and major depression. This happened shortly after the death of 2 of my loved ones in November of 2013. I took care of one who was on hospice with terminal cancer and watching someone die will really mess with your mind. Shortly after, in December, I started to feel "sick". Major migraines and tension headaches. I started to have my first episode of health anxiety. I was convinced I had a brain tumor or some form of cancer somewhere in my body. I couldn't explain the overwhelming certainty I felt that I was also dying. I went to the ER countless times. MRI, cat scans and blood work all came back normal but I still had headaches, stomach issues, feelings of vibrations all through my body and the worst, my mind would not stop thinking. It was on over drive. It was thinking of all the worst and most horrific things imaginable. That's when depression came. I felt like I wanted to die. Back to my doctor and she sent my to a physciatrist and I was appauld! I never needed a physciatrist! Not crazy! I'm a normal person! (But aren't we all! That stigma will keep you from getting better.) Needles to say, I did not go but I still felt tormented. I had insomnia and I started to pray like a crazy person for hours and hour just rebuking the devil because I then started to think I was possessed. This is where my ocd started. I started to do the praying, reading the bible and rebuking rituals where if I didn't do it I felt even worst. The relief only lasted for an hour or so then back to the compulsion. My ocd took a turn for the worst where I was reading the bible one day and thought "what if the bible is not real and accurate? What if God isn't real? Maybe you don't even really believe?" Those thoughts pretty much destroyed me for about 5 months. I was constantly ruminating and arguing with myself saying "No! You do believe! Knock it off." It was torturous!! How do you argue with your own self? Who wins??? My depression got deeper and deeper at this point. These thoughts gave me panic attack after panic attack. I couldn't understand why I was thinking so much and responding in such a crazy way to just thoughts. I started to research "obsessive thinking" and came across countless articles about ocd. I was still in denial but the more I read the more accurate everything sounded as to what I was suffering through. But it wasn't until I came across a video on YouTube from Mitzi Vancleave (gracealone) that really just opened up my eyes to what was happening to me and how to better understand it and deal with it after reading her book Strivings Within (available on Amazon). I discovered that I was giving too much importance to my thoughts and because I did this, the thoughts would make my brain think that it must be important and legit so my brain couldn't let it go. I also let go of my pride and went to a Christian therapist and got on Zoloft and my anxiety and ocd has since been controlled. My depression is gone but I still have days where my brain wants to take me back into the darkness. It usually happens if I'm praying, at church, reading the bible or if I don't feel well. But now I just tell myself "this is just ocd. These are just thoughts. Thoughts don't mean this is what I believe. I can't control what pops in my head but I can control how I react to those thoughts and I will simplym let them be there without entertaining them." Doing this at first is very hard but you can do it. God knows and is very aware of the struggle we go through. I think it's important to be obedient to him through it all. He sees your devotion to him and he is pleased. Even though my thoughts where against him, my actions and my spirit where for him and I still cried out to him. I didn't give up and he sustained me and provided sufficient grace to get me through the most difficult time of my affliction. His grace is truly enough. If you find yourself going through this torturous nightmare, be strong! It doesn't last! It gets better as long as you want to get better and take the right steps towards getting there. I was so against medication for mental issues but I thank God he gave man the knowledge to create these medications for our good. Ultimately it's all him. Wether he heals you supernaturally or through medical intervention, the knowledge came from him and the glory goes to him. It's going to be ok my friend! Just trust with your spirit even when your mind doesn't agree. Your spirit will always keep you in line.

 

[gracealone]

Hey Mini,
So good to read about your experience, which I'm sure so many of us can relate to nearly word for word in one way or another.
But more than that I just want to give praise to our Lord for coming to your aid and providing what you needed to know when you needed to know it. He did the same thing for me.
Just want to give Him the glory today and to thank Him for the lessons we learn about His sufficiency in and through our experiences of suffering. We go "deeper still". It's truly miraculous how He can use a disorder which attacks or latches on to our faith to teach us what it really means to "walk" in faith.
Your testimony is inspiring to my heart. Thank you for sharing.
Love and hugs! Mitzi

Hi everyone. I just wanted to share my story and offer hope for those of you struggling. I'm a 32 female who for the first time in life experienced my first major episode of ocd, panic attacks and major depression. This happened shortly after the death of 2 of my loved ones in November of 2013. I took care of one who was on hospice with terminal cancer and watching someone die will really mess with your mind. Shortly after, in December, I started to feel "sick". Major migraines and tension headaches. I started to have my first episode of health anxiety. I was convinced I had a brain tumor or some form of cancer somewhere in my body. I couldn't explain the overwhelming certainty I felt that I was also dying. I went to the ER countless times. MRI, cat scans and blood work all came back normal but I still had headaches, stomach issues, feelings of vibrations all through my body and the worst, my mind would not stop thinking. It was on over drive. It was thinking of all the worst and most horrific things imaginable. That's when depression came. I felt like I wanted to die. Back to my doctor and she sent my to a physciatrist and I was appauld! I never needed a physciatrist! Not crazy! I'm a normal person! (But aren't we all! That stigma will keep you from getting better.) Needles to say, I did not go but I still felt tormented. I had insomnia and I started to pray like a crazy person for hours and hour just rebuking the devil because I then started to think I was possessed. This is where my ocd started. I started to do the praying, reading the bible and rebuking rituals where if I didn't do it I felt even worst. The relief only lasted for an hour or so then back to the compulsion. My ocd took a turn for the worst where I was reading the bible one day and thought "what if the bible is not real and accurate? What if God isn't real? Maybe you don't even really believe?" Those thoughts pretty much destroyed me for about 5 months. I was constantly ruminating and arguing with myself saying "No! You do believe! Knock it off." It was torturous!! How do you argue with your own self? Who wins??? My depression got deeper and deeper at this point. These thoughts gave me panic attack after panic attack. I couldn't understand why I was thinking so much and responding in such a crazy way to just thoughts. I started to research "obsessive thinking" and came across countless articles about ocd. I was still in denial but the more I read the more accurate everything sounded as to what I was suffering through. But it wasn't until I came across a video on YouTube from Mitzi Vancleave (gracealone) that really just opened up my eyes to what was happening to me and how to better understand it and deal with it after reading her book Strivings Within (available on Amazon). I discovered that I was giving too much importance to my thoughts and because I did this, the thoughts would make my brain think that it must be important and legit so my brain couldn't let it go. I also let go of my pride and went to a Christian therapist and got on Zoloft and my anxiety and ocd has since been controlled. My depression is gone but I still have days where my brain wants to take me back into the darkness. It usually happens if I'm praying, at church, reading the bible or if I don't feel well. But now I just tell myself "this is just ocd. These are just thoughts. Thoughts don't mean this is what I believe. I can't control what pops in my head but I can control how I react to those thoughts and I will simplym let them be there without entertaining them." Doing this at first is very hard but you can do it. God knows and is very aware of the struggle we go through. I think it's important to be obedient to him through it all. He sees your devotion to him and he is pleased. Even though my thoughts where against him, my actions and my spirit where for him and I still cried out to him. I didn't give up and he sustained me and provided sufficient grace to get me through the most difficult time of my affliction. His grace is truly enough. If you find yourself going through this torturous nightmare, be strong! It doesn't last! It gets better as long as you want to get better and take the right steps towards getting there. I was so against medication for mental issues but I thank God he gave man the knowledge to create these medications for our good. Ultimately it's all him. Wether he heals you supernaturally or through medical intervention, the knowledge came from him and the glory goes to him. It's going to be ok my friend! Just trust with your spirit even when your mind doesn't agree. Your spirit will always keep you in line.

 

[MadamImAdaminChrist]

"this is just ocd. These are just thoughts. Thoughts don't mean this is what I believe. I can't control what pops in my head but I can control how I react to those thoughts and I will simplym let them be there without entertaining them." Doing this at first is very hard but you can do it."

Very wise. Thanks for sharing. It seems impossible at first, but it is not.