I messed up badly. I never cheated, but I did get hooked on a prescription anxiety med called Klonopin and basically go crazy. Even though that was at a doctor's hand, I went back to things I used to do before I was a true Believer and I absolutely destroyed my marriage. I am so sad and ashamed at what I did to her heart. I am barely making it through each day trying to live with this guilt... Christ's redemption has always been my story but I'm having such a hard time seeing Him in this. I am in a state of depression and darkness like I've never known. This is just so miserable and painful. I'm losing my head. We signed the papers in June and it was official the 1st of September. These feelings didn't hit hard until the last few days. Forums have helped with other things in the past. Just wanted to get my thoughts out here because really, if you haven't been through this you just can't possibly relate. It's different when you're married. You become one person with them, you have one life and one purpose. I feel like I'm just watching my life fall to pieces before my eyes. Everything we had been through... we were going to have such an amazing story. And yet after all the things I put her through, she waited only to give up right at the end as I started to recover my health and live my life again. Now our beautiful son will never know how it should have been. I'm just devastated... absolutely devastated.
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It's been official for two months and I'm only getting sadder...
- Thread starter Dumbfounded
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- Oct 26, 2015
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You should not feel guilt if you are a christian and turned this all over to the Lord. He always forgives and now ask him to take over your life and reconstruct it. Hang in there! 
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dayhiker
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Hi dumbfounded,
Welcome to CF.
Ya, that is a tough one. So sorry that drug got to you.
I know that God isn't done with you yet. So while your down about your current situation. I hope your still going to see your son.
Rebuild your life for his sake. He will see you for who you are and if you get back to growing in Jesus he will see that also.
Please stick around and feel some love from fellow believers.
Welcome to CF.
Ya, that is a tough one. So sorry that drug got to you.
I know that God isn't done with you yet. So while your down about your current situation. I hope your still going to see your son.
Rebuild your life for his sake. He will see you for who you are and if you get back to growing in Jesus he will see that also.
Please stick around and feel some love from fellow believers.
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While it would be good for you & your wife to have been together in a happy marriage with your son not everything works out the way we hope.
I wonder if the problem is that you feel guilty for what she went through and that you have not forgiven yourself. Often we do something and while God forgives us we have trouble forgiving ourselves.
As much as you may not want to hear this it does take time. It took me eight months of counselling to overcome the trauma of marriage breakdown, multiple deaths and loss of job. It is still tough at times especially when I ended up in hospital after having a seizure recently but things are manageable. So I urge you to seek counselling from a professional. By professional I mean a actual counselling service where you meet face to face. Phone lines generally are about helping you right at that moment and getting you to a safe place. So they are good and have their purpose but for long term you need to get with a service that can help.
The biggest thing for me was to make a plan so when things got tough I could put the plan into place to make sure I was safe. What that meant was that I was busy thinking about what I needed to do to put the plan into place such as arranging for my son to be looked after and packing some things he would need. Luckily I have a sister reasonably close who is happy to help at a moments notice.
I've been sitting here for sometime now trying to think of other helpful things I might be able to say but the tiredness is getting to me. Please stick around and get to know people.
Also if you like I am happy to share my story with you. I would only share via email. So if you would like to read it and see where I have been and things that have helped me then I am happy to share it with you. It also explains some of the challenges. Send me a message and we can arrange for me to send it to you or just make a post here telling me you would be interested in reading it and I will send you a message. Don't put your email address in the post but only via private message.
I wonder if the problem is that you feel guilty for what she went through and that you have not forgiven yourself. Often we do something and while God forgives us we have trouble forgiving ourselves.
As much as you may not want to hear this it does take time. It took me eight months of counselling to overcome the trauma of marriage breakdown, multiple deaths and loss of job. It is still tough at times especially when I ended up in hospital after having a seizure recently but things are manageable. So I urge you to seek counselling from a professional. By professional I mean a actual counselling service where you meet face to face. Phone lines generally are about helping you right at that moment and getting you to a safe place. So they are good and have their purpose but for long term you need to get with a service that can help.
The biggest thing for me was to make a plan so when things got tough I could put the plan into place to make sure I was safe. What that meant was that I was busy thinking about what I needed to do to put the plan into place such as arranging for my son to be looked after and packing some things he would need. Luckily I have a sister reasonably close who is happy to help at a moments notice.
I've been sitting here for sometime now trying to think of other helpful things I might be able to say but the tiredness is getting to me. Please stick around and get to know people.
Also if you like I am happy to share my story with you. I would only share via email. So if you would like to read it and see where I have been and things that have helped me then I am happy to share it with you. It also explains some of the challenges. Send me a message and we can arrange for me to send it to you or just make a post here telling me you would be interested in reading it and I will send you a message. Don't put your email address in the post but only via private message.
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