It's been hard lately...

[Hermit7]

This past week or so, my OCD really has been acting up. So I apologize beforehand for sounding like a brokem record on this forum.

Basically, it was after work. I had a company holiday party to go to. I was almost the only one left at the office. I had directions to go there. But in the last minute, I lost them.

I was in panic mode for the next few minutes, looking everywhere for my directions. My OCD of course is savoring this.

In a moment of panic, I make a prayer to God asking Him to help me with this, without making a bargain with Him (that's my OCD habit). And lo and behold, I found the directions to the place on the desk of one of the secretaries who left it there.

I then go to the party. But on the way, I start second guessing myself--maybe I did bargain with God in that prayer to exchange my savlation for that intervention. But maybe I didn't. I don't think I did (not sure at this at point).

It was like, I starting to remember things differently and sadly towards the direction of fear rather than comfort.

And now that the party's over, I fear that the prayer that I made might have been a bargain!

So my first question is this: can OCD "alter" your memories?

And my second question is this: God won't allow to bargain away your salvation like that, right?

I'm sorry again for being a pain. But it's just one of those days.

-Hermit

p.s Crap even posting this is causing me to question salvation. I hate OCD. Help!

 

[CrossPilgrim]

Hermit, I hope I can be of some service to you by God's grace.

1) Yes. They tend to come up much more negative than they really were. The thoughts will always highlight the one mistake over one hundred good things.

2) I don't believe so.

[WARNING --- POTENTIAL SPIKE-MATERIAL --- PLEASE PRAY AHEAD]

The only verse that comes to mind is the one in Hebrews concerning Esau. However, he counted his inheritance of no value to him and traded it for soup. I believe that this has to do with those who, despite knowing of Christ and believing in God, live in sin as if Jesus never died to set them free. There are plenty of verses in God's Word that speak of such "false brethren."

You can read it, if you are sure you won't spike, in Hebrews 12. I'd pray before doing so, as I these particular verses were the ones that had me questioning my salvation before any thoughts popped in my head.


Listen. If it's of any consolation, John Bunyan, a fellow sufferer from the 1600's had similar thoughts, which told him to sell out Christ Jesus for silver coins, to which he'd respond, in tears, "Not for ten-thousand worlds!" Needless to say, God set him free. One of the things he mentions was that God progressively taught him more about grace. Just a thought.

Surrender this trial to the Lord and submit to His decision, and He will keep you in the peace of Jesus Christ all throughout.

I pray that God may also show you His amazing grace and help you understand it more and more.