It's been 2 1/2 years

[hmingbrd]

I haven't cut in over 2 1/2 years, but I still keep my box with the blades and bandaging stuff. It's like I can't completely let go of it or something. I don't know if I just want to keep it open as an option or what.

It seems like it's a constant battle to not cut though. You would think that, after so long, it wouldn't even be an issue, but I seem to have to deal with it almost every day. I vascilate between being angry that I still struggle with the urge, and being angry that I have decided that it is not okay for me to cut. Damned if I do.....damned if I don't.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of posting about this. Maybe I just need to talk about it, to get it out of my head.

Just need to take some of the pressure off, I guess.

 

[BlackRain]

it's good to talk about this!! it does help. i know what you mean about not being able to let go. i still have my own "box" i guess you could say under my bed. i don't know why, though. it's just there. it shouldn't be, but it is. i still struggle, almost daily. it's ok to because the Lord will help you if you ask. keep it up, ok? if you need someone to talk to, i'm always available.

 

[hmingbrd]

Thank you. It does help to talk, and to know that somebody else understands. It's not a subject that a person can bring up, ya know? Just freaks people out.

Thanks for listening!

 

[WhereareyouGod?]

I stayed 'clean' of cutting for 3 years and screwed up and now i am back to where i started. I'm sure it should get easier in time but i never dealt with the issues behind the SI which i think is why i fell back into it. There is no point trying to stop unless you face up to why you started in the first place.

I am here if you wana talk

Love n Hugs

Lizzie

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

I know how you feel as far as keep your tools around. It's perfectly normal. However, after awhile... it might be a good idea to try to get rid of them. You have a greater risk of going back to SI if you keep your tools around, rather than if you don't.

There's a great way to be able to get rid of them... it's a slow process... but I know people that have used it... and said it worked great for them.

Every week or so, move the box closer to the trash. It doesn't necessarily have to be visible... you can still hide it if you wish. Then, when you become close enough to the trash can... go a week with the box right next to it... after that week... throw the box away.

I'm not going to force you to do this. This is only a suggestion. I hope you will consider doing this, though. You've gone 2 1/2 years. That's AMAZING. In my honest opinion, if you go THAT long without cutting... I'm sure you can throw the box away. You can do anything you want as long as you put your mind to it. You had to have put your mind, body and soul into recovering from SI... if you didn't... you most likely wouldn't have recovered. So, this time around... put all your mind, body and soul into throwing that box away.

You can do it, hun. You're loved.

-Jo.

 

[hmingbrd]

Wow! Thanks for the support and practical encouragement!

I've worked hard to resolve the reasons that I have cut in the past, and have made a lot of progress. I think that I struggle most when it seems like the hard work isn't paying off, and I get frustrated. That's when the emotional pain seems to get to a point that I just want to get rid of it, or transfer it to a kind of pain that is easier to deal with.

I'm going to think about finding a way to throw the stuff out. My initial reaction to the idea was to panic, but maybe I can find a way that will work for me.

 

[bassdrum1]

you sound like what i'm going through. all i can say is the devil is trying to get to us cause god has something big planned for us and he hates it. i'll be praying for you.