it hurts

[OptimisticSmile]

I am in love with my fiance and long ago I told God I would love her despite her past . However, I often find myself thinking about her impurity and it makes me really sad, bummed out and angry. I went through a week where I walked around depressed because the things that I would experience for the first time would be things the person God has for me would be indifferent to because of multiple experiences. Just tonight we were talking and she mentioned how she used to get drunk and go home with random guys. Even though I already knew that from previous conversations it was as if I started to greive all over again.

I often think about it and I cant seem to not be bothered by it. she was notorious for taking guys home when she was drunk, even as a christian there were a few slip ups. I am so afraid that somehow another slip up will happen even though she is now in a commited relationship, has accountability, no longer clubs and drinks, and is growing in her walk tremendously.

how can I not be bothered by this. is this normal. I think any guy would be bummed out and cautious but Im afraid this may be enhanced by the ocd.

 

[OptimisticSmile]

Oh and It is not entirely a bad thing. I do believe God is teaching me the greiveiousness of sin through it. Marriage for me I want to strive to Love as Christ loved the church. I know that her imperfection enhances the symbolism of our testimony. her old freinds know how she was so it is a good testimony of Christ love for them reflected by my love for her which they joke about since Ive been a christian since childhood and never left it and she was into the occult.

the contrast in our walks is a good thing in Gods plan

but knowing that does not make it any less painful in those times that I start to think about it.

 

[gracechick]

I have heard others talk about the very same feelings you are experiencing. I experienced cheating in a relationship & yes it is painful, but like anything else in life one has to look to God to heal & accept things as they were.
I know I havn't given you a lot of help, but am sending you my support. Oh & always be aware that the devil can send anyone in to either of your lives to destroy what God has created.

 

[stacii]

Don't be so sure that she will be indifferent to experiences that are new to you. They may well be new to her in an entirely different but equally wonderful way. She might finally understand what it is like to be in a truly loving, God-fearing relationship. Imagine how refreshing that will be for her! I would imagine that her experiences with you would be nothing like her experiences with all of these randoms.

I am a strong strong believer in premarital counseling. Marriage is quite a shock, a great one, but a shock nonetheless. Plus, I think it helps to develop a relationship with someone who has been married a long time (preferably a couple) so you have someone to turn to when the waters get rough - because they will get rough. And, I'll be honest, your situation does add a little more stress to the picture and I think you are actually smart for not ignoring it.

I don't know how all of this plays into your OCD or how the OCD could negatively affect the situation. Like I said, these are legitimate concerns that indeed deserve attention, but you don't want to focus so much on them that it gets in the way of your loving relationship. I would really recommend a good premarital counseling program. I know a couple who was in a situation similar to this one that is probaly one of the strongest relationships in our church. Do not be discouraged...

 

[OptimisticSmile]

thank you girls,

we are doing premarital counsling with our pastor. I think it is something that takes time to heal. Five years into marriage it will not even be a thought. However,My pastor did warn us that often times in these situation someone from the past resurfaces to cause problems.