Is this normal?

[whatdoido2]

Is it normal for a husband to erupt in swearing fits and screaming when getting stuck in traffic ? Like pounding the steering wheel and screaming for 10 or 15 min at a time? And losing control screaming and running red lights?

 

[Autumnleaf]

No. He is to be perfect as our Lord is.

 

[ValleyGal]

Road rage is on the rise. I've been known to swear at other drivers' stupidity or ignorance or road bullying - and that is frequent in this town, pretty much almost every time I go anywhere in the car. There was one time I did it for a good ten minutes - it was the first time my son heard me swear. A parking lot had maybe half a dozen cars in it when I got there, maybe one dozen five minutes later when I left the store - but there was a large pick-up truck beside my car parked literally about two inches from my car on the driver's side. I could not even get my arm between the two vehicles to reach the door handle. Now, common courtesy is not common anymore, but there is absolutely no need for being a jerk like that person, and that kind of behaviour is not called for. It was rude. I could have put any biker to shame withe my language that day.

Coming from someone who regularly swears at ignorant drivers, my own swearing is a matter of no self control, and love for kindness. I know that sounds contradictory, but I have no self control when I see other people being unkind to one another - and in effect, join them in sin. I am no better than them. They need forgiveness for being jerks, and I need forgiveness for lacking self control over my language. Imo, there would be a huge problem if I lacked self control and allowed my reactions to other drivers to turn into road rage of my own where I start using my own car as a potential weapon. If I am that enraged at other drivers, I should not be driving.

 

[whatdoido2]

Well he made a wrong turn and it left us hitting a series of stop lights. And he was swearing "oh my Fing God" and angry "this dam@ town" and weaving in and out of traffic and eventually running the red lights after stopping.

He was so irate and then realized we had forgotten to get gas ... I told him to settle down and that getting angry can't solve anything. He said ... Maybe God would just give him a heart attavk and put him out of his misery. THAT left my crying because I couldn't believe he said that he wanted to leave this earth.

He apologized when he saw me cry but these kinds of things are common for him.

He also questions when my schedule changes... Saying I'm "hiding something from him" or that I'm not telling him everything about why these changes are taking place.

Is that normal?

 

[ValleyGal]

I see....he was angry with himself. I wonder if he would be receptive to taking an anger management class. He obviously cares about you - or he would not have apologized for making you cry. So if he knows how badly his anger affects you, maybe he would consider anger management.

 

[DZoolander]

Ehhh, I don't know if it's normal or not.

I grew up in Los Angeles - where traffic just sucks. After years and years of dealing with getting on the freeways and having the norm be terrible traffic (think...taking 2-3 hours to go 20 miles on a daily basis) - I'm pretty mellow about traffic stuff. I let people in, I don't care if someone gets in front of me, etc. My attitude is basically "I'll get there when I get there."

...and most of my friends that grew up in LA with me are the same way. I mean - of that group - I can't think of a single time I remember any of them flying off the handle about traffic stuff.

Then I moved to a different part of the country. We live in a city now where traffic is a dream compared to LA traffic...yet I see people flying off the handle out here over the slightest things. It's like if they have to even tap on their brakes because someone merged in - it sends them off the deep end. I feel like telling them all to just get a grip.

So, in a sense, I think that dealing with crap traffic growing up as the norm actually made me a more considerate driver...whereas people that have had it better are in a sense spoiled and more prone to getting offended by things.

 

[LinkH]

Is it normal for a husband to erupt in swearing fits and screaming when getting stuck in traffic ? Like pounding the steering wheel and screaming for 10 or 15 min at a time? And losing control screaming and running red lights?

No, it's not normal.

If he's a believer, something that can help is studying and meditating on the passage about not calling your brother 'raca' or 'thou fool'. What's the difference between those words and the things people call those who cut them off in traffic.

Fits of rage are a work of the flesh. That's another thing he can consider.

 

[Autumnleaf]

A large man drove dangerously near my son and got out of his car and screamed at him when they stopped at a red light. My son arrived home shaken as he told us what happened. He did get the license plate and we called the cops. The cop arrived and took a statement. After she left it wasn't long until she arrived back after questioning the suspect.

She asked if my son flipped him off. My son nodded.

I guess the guy was following too close and my son flipped him the bird and he flipped out. The cop said not to do that and that the guy should not have acted that way too. She also said roadrage is on the rise.

 

[Scottmcc1]

How much was at stake by his wrong turn? That does not mean it was OK to be angry, but it may show some reason. What Ezoolander says is good. Your DH needs to get perspective. It's not that big a deal. And anger just makes the problem worse.

I would think his comment of wishing to die was just said out of the emotion of the moment. Just let it go.

For me the loss of time can be discouraging. He could of made the best of the time by talking to you about some recreation or trip for the future or any number of things.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

Is it normal for a husband to erupt in swearing fits and screaming when getting stuck in traffic ? Like pounding the steering wheel and screaming for 10 or 15 min at a time? And losing control screaming and running red lights?

My STBX did that...not cool. Getting stuck in traffic is a fact of life in most cities in the USA. My suggestion is to crank up the tunes and chill. For about 2 years, a commute that would have taken me maybe 35 minutes w/o traffic could take me 2 hours or more with traffic. There's no point in getting bent, it's just the way it is. Find an alternative route, don't drive during peak hours or just chill and deal...

 

[bethrow]

My dad always acted crazy like this.
Eventually my mom took over the driving...especially on long trips and then around town.
My dad was always impatient, couldn't handle change, and when things didn't go as planned he freaked out. Your husband has grown up with this and seen a parent or relative do this. When my dad couldn't figure out where he was going he would flip out. He would swear and scream at other drivers too.
Tell your husband that he has to calm down or you will not be riding with him anymore. He is putting himself and you in danger. If you have kids does he do this with them in the car? If you don't have kids and eventually do....will he do this with them in the car?
Traffic is part of living everywhere in the world...not just in the United States.

 

[Scottmcc1]

I would think a little bit of reasoning about how to deal with problems would be in order. Any thinking person should realize there is a better way to live.

I don't think it's manly to be freaked out. A strong man will be confident, calm and able to solve the problem. The proper use of anger is to give you energy to deal with danger, or to work at some hard physical activity. Driving does not take brute force. So expressing anger is counterproductive while driving.

Use of the emotion of anger may allow you to think fast. Again expressing it is counterproductive to solving the problem of traffic. One time I was stuck behind a line of cars trying to turn right. There were 2 lanes and no one was in the left lane because the street was closed ahead. The road going to the right was one way to the right and had 2 lanes. Being angry I thought why not use the left lane to get around the line of cars and turn right from the left lane. So I just drove around all the cars easily.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Sadly my mother is a road rager. Naturally she gets angry to easy in general, but on roads shes worse. And you can't correct her because it only creates more problems. She screams at people who cut her off, ride her bumper, speed fast to get ahead of others...etc. Which she does the EXACT same things. And when it snows and people drive super slow on the freeway shes drives fast and yells at all the slow people.

She points out the fact shes never been in an accident, thus she knows how to drive. I bite my tongue. lol. I don't think she realizes though that SHE is responsible for everyone in the car. If she ever got in an accident I would have no problem telling the officer she was speeding, tail gating...etc. She would not like that but she needs to learn responsibility. Especially because I can't drive and my wife is learning to now. SO we depend on them for rides. Which is why I prefer riding with my dad.