Is this going some where?

[OrangeHope]

On the first of next month my bf and I will be together 10 months. we'v already told each i love you and he's told me a few times he wants to be with me forever, he says i'll always be the only woman for him and i told him i feel the same. yet why won't he propose?
he's planing on buying a digital camera (an expencive one) and an air brush (which also cost alot of $$$) but why not an engagment ring? i really am happy he's buying all that stuff, cause i know it will make him happy.

he's always been the one bringing up convo's like spending the rest of our lives together, i'v never cause i didn't want him to feel any pressure cause if he wants to marry me i want him to cause he wants it with all his heart and not out of pressure.

if you love some one and tell them you wanna spend the rest of your life with them, why not propose? yesterday we were talking about sex (no we're on planing on having it out side of marriage!) and he said he'll wait for me as long as it takes, so i said "even 5 years?" so he said yes.....if he's not planing on getting married in the near future and not even planing yet to get engaged why does he keep saying stuff like that to me??!!!!

is 10 months getting engaged too fast? i don't really think it is but i still would like to hear others opinions since i hear alot who get engaged with in 3 months...

plus he know i'm not the kind of girl who like big expencive weddings, so money shouldn't be a problem if we wanted to get married, for all i care i would get married in a parking lot or in the court in front of a judge, i couldn't care about big fancey wedding all i care about is spending the rest of my life with the man i love.

so my question is, if my bf keeps telling me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me whats stoping him from asking me to marry him?

OrangeHope

 

[f U z ! o N]

maybe now is not the best time for him to ask you? you should respect that you guys are still young. give him time.

 

[peanutbutter12]

People mature at different rates. While you may be all out excited to get married, he may not be. Don't try to rush him into it, especially if he's not ready.

Plus, while you might think being married some magical fairytale thing, there are many things you need to consider. The most common being would you guys be financially secure? If he is still in college, there is a good chance he may want to finish and get a job before getting married to make sure he can afford it. Or, as I said, he just might not feel he is ready to take that step yet. 10 months isn't really all that long a time. Yes, some people have gotten engaged sooner, but most usually are together a few years before getting engaged. It's really just a matter of the two involved.

CJ

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

People are ready at different times and seeing that you have been together for less than a year, I wouldn't even be thinking about asking him about, "Why is he not proposing yet." I would just wait, for that is the best thing to do. You can only fall more in love with him or you can find out that this isn't meant to be. Infatuation is a large part of the emotions in the beginning.

I have been dating my bf for 2.5 years and now I am thinking about wedding stuff...but I didn't do that early on. I just let things go and learned.

 

[Linnis]

Some people are ready for marriage sooner than others.

Dating is the amount of time it takes to be completely and totally ready to agree to be engaged to someone. Too many couples use the engagement as more dating, dating should be over, engagement is to prepare for marriage. So in the grand scheme of things for most people 10 months isn't long enough.

Maybe what he meant by five years is that he doesn't believe he'll be ready to marry for that long. Engagements, or at least in my opinon are not meant to last years and years. You date until you are ready to be engaged, then you get engaged and plan your wedding and get married. Even if you think you can handle a long term engagement once it happens you'll think, so it's been six months, why arn't we marrired yet.

Either way, since this is worrying you, talk to him about it. Maybe he's thinking something totally different than you think he's thinking. That way you'll know. It's not too early to see if both of your long term plans match.

 

[Mskedi]

My boyfriend and I talked about marriage very early on, but, after two years, we're not engages. We probably won't be until next summer. And it's fine. My life is at a point where I can get married at any time; his isn't.

Not everyone wants to get engaged early... but I also don't see why you're skirting the issue. Why not flat out ask him when he imagines himself getting married? It's better to have a straight answer than to be frustrated not knowing. And if you don't feel comfortable enough asking a question like that, you're in no position to be getting married. You can ask the question without creating pressure.

 

[bliz]

Some people believe that one should propose when one has found the someone they want to be with forever.

Other people belive that one should propose when one is ready to marry.

Are the two of you in a position to marry soon? If not, that may be why he has not yet asked you.

 

[princessellie]

i know how your feel, i feel the same way about my bf, although we have only been together4 1/2 months, we have talked about the deep things (i dont want to date anyone i wouldnt marry) we have talked about how we would (as individuals) want our children raised, but like your bf mine is still at uni and has 3 yrs left to go, im nearly finished so i ready for the next stage of my life but he is still happy in his current stage

if you love him you wont mind waiting, he will as you when he is ready, sure let him know that your ready but dont push it if he loves you like it sounds like he does he will ask in his own good time

 

[OrangeHope]

Why not flat out ask him when he imagines himself getting married? It's better to have a straight answer than to be frustrated not knowing.

he alreay told me he see's himself marrying me

And if you don't feel comfortable enough asking a question like that, you're in no position to be getting married. You can ask the question without creating pressure.

i feel comfortable to ask him, the only reason i didn't bring up these convo's myself is cause i wanted him to bring them up when he felt ready and so he wouldn't feel any pressure on him or even freak him out.

Linnis, the five years i said, he didn't. 5 years seems so long for me but i love him so much i'll wait for him even if it takes that long.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

My fiance asked him to marry me after three weeks, but we've been together almost two years now. Long engagement, and unless we elope next time I see him (which will probably be in August) we will probably have to be engaged for another year.

Different couples go at different speeds. Another thing is asking him if when he said he would marry you that was his proposal.

 

[Hope_0004]

I don't think 10 months is necessarily too "soon", but I certainly don't think it is too long either.

Linnis is right, in my opinion. Too many people use "engagement" as a fancy and inappropriate term for "dating". Dating is when you get to know each other, and decide for certain that you are with the person that you want to marry. Engagement is the time period when you know you are going to get married and lasts as long as you need to make those preparations. If you don't know how long you will need, then you probably don't need to be engaged, in my opinion. Engagement is time to tell your family to save the date, if you're inviting them, time to do your premarital counseling, decide on a church, and the like.

Anyway, I don't know why your boyfriend doesn't want to get engaged or married. Maybe he thinks he's too young. Maybe, like me, he has a mental "list" of things he wants to do first (i.e., get finances in order for me, or finish school for him) or whatever. My boyfriend and I have dated for about a year and a half now, and we're not ready to get engaged.

Personally, I wouldn't want to marry someone who wasn't ready to get married.

Don't let it hurt your feelings, though. It sounds like he loves you and he's happy - what else could you ask for?

 

[miss_klara]

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a month. We were friends a year before we decided to take the next step. After a couple of weeks of dating, it become clear to us that this relationship is a very real one. A week ago, he told me he's already considered proposing to me, but we talked it out and agreed that deep down, we both think it's best to wait a lot longer. For one thing, we may think we're adults, but we're both incredibly young to feel the need to rush into it. Even if we do get married 2 whole years away, like we plan to, that will make us both 22- still SO YOUNG! Sometimes you need to put things into perspective like that.

Another thing which others have mentioned is the whole financial security thing. We're both working casual jobs at the moment, and don't even know what we'll be doing work-wise two or three years down the track. That's not something we want to be trying to work out, whilst nurturing a brand new marriage. Yes, we'd be willing to do it and work through it, but why add that strain to the beginnings of such a huge lifestyle change?

Obviously you do hear heaps of stories of marriages in such early stages in the relationship working out beautifully. My pastor at church and his wife were dating 6 weeks before they got engaged, and she'd just come out of a 3 year relationship. They're a great couple. So yep, it can work out. But don't beat yourself up over the fact that it's not happening for you yet. Because by the sounds of things, it will. And it'll be worth the wait

 

[SoC]

He has to consider many things before marrying you. Can he support you with his job? Is it God's timing? Is he ready? Things like this go through a guys mind when considering marriage. I should know. I am.

I can't speak for him, but if he's thinking about the same things, then take comfort that he won't marry you until it's the right time and he can support you both financially. Give your concerns to God and wait is the only advice I can give.

 

[OrangeHope]

thanks guys

like i said he did tell me he wants us married some day cause he can't imagine being with any one else.

he's 24 and planing on going into college soon, it will take him about a year or a year and a half to finish so i may have along time to wait for....but i'll be waiting for him.

i forgot to mention but when we were only together around 3 or 4 months we were talking about random stuff and all the sudden he said "If we had kids, who do you think they would look like? what color eyes and hair do you think they would get from us?" i gave him an anser and asked him why he would ask me that so he said just cause it interest him.
so he said that months ago and left me a bit confussed since he's never asked a question like that again...what do you think this means?

 

[miss_klara]

As far as asking the question about your future kids... I don't think it means too much. Obviously, it's something he thinks about, but maybe voicing it was a little too real for him at the time and he's wary of scaring you off with talk like that. I wouldn't read too much into it, just be glad that he's been thinking about that kinda thing. You could always bring it up with him again, and see if he's comfortable discussing it, or you could wait and see when he brings it up again. He probably will. My boyfriend and I enjoy discussing 'when we're married...' scenarios, and a few couples I know are the same....

 

[SoC]

i forgot to mention but when we were only together around 3 or 4 months we were talking about random stuff and all the sudden he said "If we had kids, who do you think they would look like? what color eyes and hair do you think they would get from us?" i gave him an anser and asked him why he would ask me that so he said just cause it interest him.
so he said that months ago and left me a bit confussed since he's never asked a question like that again...what do you think this means?

As much as I hate to admit it, he's a guy. Being one, I can tell you with about 98% sureness that it probably means exactly what he said it means.

Girls, don't always look for deeper meanings to what us guys say. It's usually not there and you end up worrying about nothing.

 

[OrangeHope]

thanks thats what i thought it ment but still i had to ask.
miss_klara, i thought of bringing it up to him like saying "remember you asked me what our kids would look like..." or in some kind of fourm....i did jokely say we should have a kid after he showed me a picture of him as a baby, but then he said to stop talking nonsense...since then i don't dare to bring any thing like that up....but since a few months have past i'v been thinking about asking him were he see's us in the future, if he see's us married and even having kids.
but then some times i donno i don't wanna get rejected again.....

 

[Leanna]

Since you've only been dating for 10 months, he probably has no idea you're even thinking about getting engaged. I think you should just ask... hey, so when you think we should get married? And he might say, in a few years after I am done with college. Then you will have your answer, no more wondering

 

[ByLoveAndGrace]

If you must talk to him about it, instead of giving it more time:


I agree with Leanna, just ask him, more than likely, you'll get a straight answer, guys don't like hints, or guessing games.

 

[keyz]

thanks thats what i thought it ment but still i had to ask.
miss_klara, i thought of bringing it up to him like saying "remember you asked me what our kids would look like..." or in some kind of fourm....i did jokely say we should have a kid after he showed me a picture of him as a baby, but then he said to stop talking nonsense...since then i don't dare to bring any thing like that up....but since a few months have past i'v been thinking about asking him were he see's us in the future, if he see's us married and even having kids.
but then some times i donno i don't wanna get rejected again.....

What do you mean rejected? If you are in fact 'rejected' it has already happened and you don't know about because nothing has been spoken (because you're afraid to know). You're going to need to have honest communication and trust with one another if you are planning on getting married.

I just have a bad feeling about this, OrangeHope. I think I've run across every single one of your threads on accident in the past year. This guy has seemed to instill a lot of hope in your heart and he hasn't seemed to take any forward action about what he says. That's concerning to me. I can understand why it is mind boggling to you. Your posts are showing that you have to constantly playing guessing games and indirect communication with your boyfriend.

I think your questions more need to be.. what does God say about my relationship? Where does God want to take my relationship? You seem to always be walking on an edge of a cliff with this dude. I see 'fear' a lot in your post. Are you fearful? Why is that?

I apologize if I've slightly gone off. I do encourage you to really bring your relationship before God. Search out God's heart about your relationship. I wish you the best.