classic mentality of a stepmother. What exactly is the classic mentality of a stepmother? I've never had a stepmom, so my previous experience would be based on TV and movies and maybe some fairytales. What about you?
the classic mentality of a stepmother is one that does not want to treat or regard their step children as their own!
anyone who have "reasonable" understanding of the scripture on sinful nature as well as reasonable amount of life experience know that means.
as for your insult of me basing me opinions on movies etc etc
i am not even going to dignify your insult with a response!
I can tell you what my step-son's friend told him 2 summers ago when I made him eat some homemade pancakes and finish doing some chores before I allowed him to go outside and play; "Dude. You are so lucky your step mom even talks to you nice and makes you food. My stepmom won't even talk to me and when she does it's not nice. You need to do your chores." I felt like I should've paid the kid because my stepson stopped grumbling and did what I told him to do.
huh????????
so you want to play the game of relativity here?
"oh guess what, because my stepson friend step mother is kind of a cow, by comparison, i am so much better, hence that excuse me the responbility of treating and loving my step child as my own"
it is like me saying "oh guess what, because there are so many people out there who would not even speak to their own parents, guess that is a legitimate excuse for me to stuff them in retirement home when they are old, as i speak to my parents at least once a year"
the argument of relativity is certainly very convient , is it not?
I'm guessing you're not a stepmom and don't have any idea of all of the issues that come in to play. We as wives, have to let our husbands be the leaders. This doesn't mean we don't do our part (which is tremendous and lengthy to outline), but the kids should be seeing that we don't undermine his authority.
ok i agree, i am not a stepmother myself, and i am sure there are many difficulties you stepmothers face that i do not understand.
however, you seem to be missing the issue here ( or maybe you do not want to understand, but i will get to that later), the issue here is not whether you should discipline your step children, it is not about letting them to whatever they want, it is about your general attitude towards them, ie as a Christian stepmother, you have the
obligation to strive to treat your stepchildren as your own, you have the
obligation to strive to love your stepchildren as your own.
obviously i understand as human beings, we all fail from time to time. and love is something one can not be forced.
but the point is are you striving towards those goals, are you repenting when you fell short and attempt to make a change and possibly apologize to your step children, are you asking God for help?
none of the concepts i talk about here should be alien to a Christian such as yourself.
the point here is are you going to acknowledge them or not.
I have some things in my mind that I believe would be most beneficial for my stepson as far as discipline and homework go, but if my husband chooses not to take my advice, I cannot just disregard him and do my own thing. The OP has ideas about how the boy should be treated, but her dh is resistant probably because of guilt of not having his son there all the time. The treating of the boy as a guest seems to be the doing of the father, not the step mom!
i have never said that the father is using the right approach right now is the right one. yes based on what OP has said, he does to seem to indulge his son a little bit too much.
but at same time, given the fact the OP has
made it really clear that she seem to think it is acceptable to treat her step son like any other guest in their house, not as her son, i do not blame her husband for not wanting her to take over!
if i am her husband, and i know she thinks like this. i would have firm talk with her a long long time again, basically explaining to her that i will not have my own child be treated as less than a member of the family, because
he is my son. And if she continue to disregard this, she and her son will be out ot the door so fast that she would not even know what even hit her!
bottom line, i will not have my child treated like a mere guest in my house, sorry, it is completely unacceptable, it is not going happen.
agian it is not about whether the child should be disciplined or not. it is about whether she is striving to treat him as her own, incl discipline him as she would her own son.
or is she only interested in applying double standard. one standard to her own son, and a completely diff one to her step.
which is clearly what she is doing here. i have this feeling if her husband ever suggested for
her son to be treated like a mere guest in their own house, she would throw a complete fit. yet she think it is completely acceptable to do that to
his son
I see a woman trying to do her best to honor her husband and raise ALL the kids and I am just astounded at the last two critiques of her which seem totally off base from all that I have read here
no she is not trying her best at all is she is not striving to treat her step son as her own, period!
so, no, not good enough!
again, my critiques is not on what she actually do as much as her general attitude towards
step parenting.
God clearly tells us to treat others as we want to be treated ourselves.
if she want her husband to strive to treat her son as his own, she should do no less.
as for you, i can understand why you feel so strongly about this, as you keep using the word step to describe your stepson.
it is up to you what you or the OP want to do.
but Gods words never change, and i will not be making apology for stating His words as it is.
anyway, you see what would have happened if this boy is not her step son but her adopted son, no offense, but step parents often thinks they are entitled to not have to love or treat their step child as their own.
but in Gods eyes, there is absolutely no diff between the situation of step parenthood and adopt parenthood.