Is this considered a "marriage"

[steflou64]

I have a couple at church who are my friends-she has never been married before and is around 60 years old. He has been married twice-I think first may have been divorce, second wife passed away. The lady told me they have never "consummated" the marriage (had sex) because it hurt. They tried I think (obviously for her to say it hurt) but I assume he did not penetrate her. I know with the marriage liscense and all it is considered a legal marriage but does God consider it a marriage if it is not consummated?

 

[ValleyGal]

Short answer: I believe so.

Long answer: I think in some faith traditions it is considered a marriage, but it is in a phase where it could be "annulled" by both church and state if it is not consummated. My own faith persuasion is that marriage is a legal covenant made up of a contract solidified with the exchange of something of value (today, this is typically wedding bands), and an outline of consequences of dissolution of the contract. In the OT, this meant that the fathers of the bride and groom would walk a blood path of slaughtered animals, signifying that blood will be shed if one party did not uphold their contractual obligations. Today, I think this is sort of separate from the covenant in the form of family law and prenuptial agreements. In any case, since covenant is built around the foundation of a legal contract, once the contract is signed, the marriage is legal (you already knew that) as well as binding in God's eyes (since God is a God of covenant and law).

 

[tenderheart1]

I would say yes, if they had a marriage ceremony and a marriage license was filed. Plenty of older citizens get married just for the companionship without sex.

 

[moerunamida]

Yes. Sex is such a small part of marriage when you look at the big picture. If a husband and wife were married and one of them becomes disabled to the point sex will never happen again, that doesn't mean they do not have a marriage. There are other things a married couple can enjoy besides intercourse.

 

[blackribbon]

Do you become married at the moment of sex or the moment of the vow? Lack of consummation can be grounds for annulment but it even usually has time limits and doesn't negate the marriage by itself.

In common-law marriage states, the representation of being married is often the only requirement to define a legal marriage.

 

[Inkachu]

I have a couple at church who are my friends-she has never been married before and is around 60 years old. He has been married twice-I think first may have been divorce, second wife passed away. The lady told me they have never "consummated" the marriage (had sex) because it hurt. They tried I think (obviously for her to say it hurt) but I assume he did not penetrate her. I know with the marriage liscense and all it is considered a legal marriage but does God consider it a marriage if it is not consummated?

I would say it's really none of my business.... or yours...

 

[iambren]

No sex...no marriage. A "Three-fold cord is not easily broken". God does not covenant with those who have no cords to bring to the table. Of course there are extenuating circumstances but we don't govern by the rare exceptions.

There exists medicine to help dyspareunia; where is the motivation for that?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I don't know why God would consider it not a marriage if sex didn't take place. God didn't say anything in the bible about a marriage not being real if theres no sex to consummate it. Lets say your a guy and your "equipment" was removed due to some extreme medical reason. This means you can't have sex. So if you marry and never have sex does this mean your not really married? Of course it doens't.

Granted you don't need your "equipment" to have sex. There are other ways. None the less I doubt God cares if you have sex or not to make your marriage legal. It says in the bible we are to follow mans laws unless it interferes with Gods laws. So since we marry according to what the law says we have to do (and it doesn't seem to interfere with Gods law), then we are married legally and God accepts that.

 

[iambren]

Apparently you missed this-


"Of course there are extenuating circumstances but we don't govern by the rare exceptions."

 

[Autumnleaf]

No. Consummation of the marriage is sex. If it isn't done then its not done. That doesn't mean they are living in sin. That would depend on the circumstances of his first divorce and if she is still alive or not.

 

[Kristin E]

If they never had sex then no the marriage is not consummated. In order to truly consummate you would have to have sexual relations.

 

[dayhiker]

I'm with those that believe sex consummates the marriage.
That was a pretty common understanding when I was a kid. Now people don't talk about it so much.

 

[Velvetyrabbit]

I'll try to make this a pg as possible.
I believe the act of making love a huge part of a marriage. The act of making two flesh one.
However I believe she has a medical condition which is known to happen over time to women without sexual activity. I will not go into details.
I do believe they are fully married, and clearly they had the intention and have tried to make love. But I don't think I would worry about them, there are other things they can do to show physical love