you are not alone in your feelings. in fact, i would say that most people in the world feel very similar in one way or another. Especially in America, society has set the bar of success based on televsion/movie stars, sports figures, supermodels, etc. When the definition of success and happiness involves money, good looks, a charming personality, a high-paying job, great parenting skills, nice clothes, an SUV, multiple friends, socially active, entertainment savvy, active in church, helps others, etc. - how in the world could anyone attain such lofty expectations? Fact is, we live in a world based on relativity. We compare and analyze all aspects of life based on the next person. The wealthiest person you know becomes the model for wealth. The happiest person you come in contact with becomes the model for happiness. and so on.
I promise you, you are not worthless or meaningless. I could probably talk with you and figure out all kinds of wonderful qualities you have, but I'm just one person. In fact, i'll bet there are millions of people that would find you interesting and very successful. However, why would you want to have some person's opinion when you could have the truth from God who created all people. God knows the very number of hairs on your head. He provides for you, blesses you, and gives you more than you realize.
You said you have children you think the world of - I guarantee they think the world of you. My brothers and I were mostly a pain in the butt for my mom. She would often think that she was a failure as a mom and sometimes we couldn't understand why she would get so upset. I think she is the best mom in the world, and I would bet that if you love your children, they think the same about you.
But above all that - you are on this earth for a purpose. If you are here by accident, that would mean God made a mistake, and God doesn't make mistakes. The Lord loves you more than you can possibly fathom. On top of that, all you have to do is ask Jesus Christ into your life and you are saved from an eternity in hell. Not only saved from sin and ulitmately hell, but you get to spend it in heaven!
As for your actions and decisions here on earth, you will never be perfect. But that's what is so great about Jesus, you can screw up and He still won't stop loving you.
it is so sad that there are so many people who never come to know Jesus. when considering that, I begin to think, "Man. Look how many people missed the message. Look how many people reject the love of Jesus Christ. Look at all those failures." But if you can say to yourself you know Jesus Christ as your personnal Lord and Saviour, I begin to think, "My. What a success story."
(try reading John chapt. 14-16, Phillipeans 4, Psalms, Corintheans, etc.)
May God bless you.
In Christ...
