Is There Anything Wrong With My Intro?

[exitstageright]

For the life of me,I just cannot understand why MARRIED women can see and tell me all the time that I have a lot going for me,while at the same time,good christian women,who have a lot going for themselves,seem to be "blinded as a bat" to my good qualities.

One dating site sugguested that I modify my profile. So...I changed my REAL hieght of 5'9'' to 6'2''. Sure enough,I got 3 repsoness in 2 days!

I feel SO helpless,because I cannot do anything about my height! It is NOT MY FAULT THAT I AM NOT OVER SIX FEET TALL! I DID NOT CHOSE MY GENES!

At this one dance earlier this month,I met and danced with this nice lady. One of my friends said that we BOTH looked liked we were interested in each other. I got her e-mail and phone number.Twice,when I write that we can meet somewhere,she tells me that she is busy.Now,when have I heard THAT before? Well,I am busy also. However,I am organized.Therefore,I try to make plans so that we can see each other.
Well,so much for that usual nonsense. I need you ladies' honest opinons,becasue I need to find out what the heck am I doing wrong! Here is my intro:

Hello:
How are you feeling today? I hope you are feeling and doing well.
You profile caught my eye. My name is S. My friends call me “S.”

I have been a California licensed CLS(Clinical Laboratory Scientist) since 1982.I have worked in Medical Laboratories in Stockton,Ca,Bakersfield,CASan Leandro,Ca, San Diego ,Ca ,Honolulu, Hawaii, and Stanford Medical Center in Palo Alto,Ca. I am currently working in Alameda,Ca,just less than 0.5 miles from the Oakland Raiders Headquarters. Yes, I am a 49ers fan. Every night, when I come home from work, I see that big Oakland Raiders shield.

Yes, I have a life outside of science,also. Being a part-time actor is a lot of fun. I have done mostly live theater consisting of doing four Shakespeare plays, playing a knight in
‘Camelot”,playing in “Of Mice and Men”,and I have done a couple of movies and five T.V. shows as a background actor,or “extra”.

I am also involved in my Drama Ministry at my church, The Neighborhood
Church in Castro Valley,CA. By the way,I leave my DRAMA on the STAGE,where it belongs. : )
I was born and reared in San Francisco,CA.
Please tell me more about yourself,are you a native Californian? If not,where are you from? I would love to hear from you, as I have always found artistic, smart ,and intelligent women very attractive. So later for now.
Take Care,

P.S. I have also used this intro for single scientists. My only problem is that most scientists are either agnostics or atheists.Yes, I am ticked off. I feel like getting drunk,but I do not drink! I worked SO HARD to become a success,but it doesn't seem to do me any good.

 

[blackribbon]

I hate it when I watch the "read" number move up and nobody responds. I am too tired to write much or think tonight, but I will look at your intro over the next couple days.

I think there are a few things you can do to tweek it...because after talking to you here, I think you are more interesting that your intro shows. Nothing is really "wrong" with it though. I'm sure you will get some useful suggestions from others too.

 

[exitstageright]

I hate it when I watch the "read" number move up and nobody responds. I am too tired to write much or think tonight, but I will look at your intro over the next couple days.

I think there are a few things you can do to tweek it...because after talking to you here, I think you are more interesting that your intro shows. Nothing is really "wrong" with it though. I'm sure you will get some useful suggestions from others too.

I thank you for responding.

 

[dayhiker]

That's a better intro than I have on my sites that I'm on.

I like that you give information about yourself that has substance to it. It's not not all this feely stuff some have. But maybe it would be good to have a separate intro that is feelings and not scientist. Every couple of weeks you could swap them out for the other. See how that goes.

The list of places works I do think is to long. Current work place would be enough.
Maybe simplify "My name is S."

I really like the line I leave my DRAMA on STAGE.

the questions are good, gives them something to respond to.

That's my thoughts.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Honestly? OK here goes.

Too much information on your work. You do not need to say all that. I think it should be more like
Hi my name is "S"

I've been a Scientist for 30 years or so. Currently, I work in the Medical field. I have other interests outside of my job which include being a part time actor. I've done some movies, and TV shows and alot of live theater. I'm also involved in the drama ministry at my chuch, but I like to leave the drama on stage where it belongs .
I was born in San Francisco and I am an avid 49er's fan. I just happen to get to drive by their stadium everyday on my commute.

Besides my interest in acting, I also love to travel. I've been many places and seen some amazing sites. I love dancing and (fill in the blanks in basic form)

I would love to hear more about you. Are you a native Californian? If not, where are you from? You seem to be an artistic and intelligent woman, which are very attractive traits. I look forward to having more conversations with you, hope to hear from you soon.

 

[exitstageright]

That's a better intro than I have on my sites that I'm on.

I like that you give information about yourself that has substance to it. It's not not all this feely stuff some have. But maybe it would be good to have a separate intro that is feelings and not scientist. Every couple of weeks you could swap them out for the other. See how that goes.

The list of places works I do think is to long. Current work place would be enough.
Maybe simplify "My name is S."

I really like the line I leave my DRAMA on STAGE.

the questions are good, gives them something to respond to.

That's my thoughts.

I thank you for your input.

 

[exitstageright]

Honestly? OK here goes.

Too much information on your work. You do not need to say all that. I think it should be more like
Hi my name is "S"

I've been a Scientist for 30 years or so. Currently, I work in the Medical field. I have other interests outside of my job which include being a part time actor. I've done some movies, and TV shows and alot of live theater. I'm also involved in the drama ministry at my chuch, but I like to leave the drama on stage where it belongs .
I was born in San Francisco and I am an avid 49er's fan. I just happen to get to drive by their stadium everyday on my commute.

Besides my interest in acting, I also love to travel. I've been many places and seen some amazing sites. I love dancing and (fill in the blanks in basic form)

I would love to hear more about you. Are you a native Californian? If not, where are you from? You seem to be an artistic and intelligent woman, which are very attractive traits. I look forward to having more conversations with you, hope to hear from you soon.

Thanks,I will copy and paste it for future intros. The reason that I tell women that I am a scientist first is to dispell the negative stereotype of a black man being nothing but an athelete or a thug. This is just my way of fighting racism.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Thanks,I will copy and paste it for future intros. The reason that I tell women that I am a scientist first is to dispell the negative stereotype of a black man being nothing but an athelete or a thug. This is just my way of fighting racism.

well there is certainly nothing wrong with being a scientist IMO. But until someone asks you, you don't need to list out where you've worked and all the specifics, because it could either seem like bragging, or it's just plain boring. I know you don't mean it this way, but the specifics leaves a little mystery to discover when you connect more. If you tell everything about yourself up front, (even though that really isn't possible) there is nothing left to discover about you IMO. There's nothing wrong with being any particular race either, but you need to respect that not all women are willing to date outside their race (whatever the race may be) just sayin.

 

[blackribbon]

I love Michelle's suggestion. It puts the basic information out there but leaves room for the woman to ask questions. Don't ever completely give all the info because that is a conversation stopper.

 

[exitstageright]

I love Michelle's suggestion. It puts the basic information out there but leaves room for the woman to ask questions. Don't ever completely give all the info because that is a conversation stopper.

It is ironic,that when I first started writing,women would tell me that they wanted to read more than two sentances,meaning that My info was not enough,and that they were tired of men writing "one liners".

Now,they tell me that I write TOO MUCH!

Wow!, I just hate playing a game when the rules are always changing!

 

[exitstageright]

It is ironic,that when I first started writing,women would tell me that they wanted to read more than two sentances,meaning that My info was not enough,and that they were tired of men writing "one liners".

Now,they tell me that I write TOO MUCH!

Wow!, I just hate playing a game when the rules are always changing!

Well...I will just have to cut out 50% of what I originally wrote,the next time I write something.

 

[Humble Pie]

Nothing wrong with 5'9".

 

[blackribbon]

Well...I will just have to cut out 50% of what I originally wrote,the next time I write something.

Exit....there is a big difference between 2 lines and what you wrote. I'd suggest that you write everything you think of....then go back and edit the specific details so that there is something to talk about...

For example...scientist in medical field....and leave out the exact details so she can ask "wow, what do you do?"...then don't necessarily tell where you work but rather what kind of things you do at your job...

Wishing you good luck with finding that one girl...

 

[dayhiker]

I agree exit .. its so hard for us guys to get it right for the ladies. What seems to be a very good self description often doesn't do anything for the ladies. So no connection is made.

 

[exitstageright]

I agree exit .. its so hard for us guys to get it right for the ladies. What seems to be a very good self description often doesn't do anything for the ladies. So no connection is made.

It is SO true,Dayhiker. We men....we try and we do our best to connect with anyone. But, it is just not good enogh. IT IS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH! No matter what we do or say,it is ALWAYS wrong!

 

[blackribbon]

It is SO true,Dayhiker. We men....we try and we do our best to connect with anyone. But, it is just not good enogh. IT IS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH! No matter what we do or say,it is ALWAYS wrong!

No, it is that we think differently and you are connecting like a guy would to a guy....you need to learn that women as a whole tend to think differently. The same things that make us more fun to snuggle with make us different to communicate with ... we are different creatures. Learn to speak our language and you will be rewarded.

 

[exitstageright]

No, it is that we think differently and you are connecting like a guy would to a guy....you need to learn that women as a whole tend to think differently. The same things that make us more fun to snuggle with make us different to communicate with ... we are different creatures. Learn to speak our language and you will be rewarded.

Well......HOW does a guy learn how to speak WOMANESE,when all of his life he has been speaking MANLISH?

 

[blackribbon]

Hang around some women and mostly just listen (even if it is your mother and her friends). Watch some "girl fliks".

If you listen, women talk about what they FEEL about things and men talk about FACTS. In your intro, you told what you did for a living, listing where and when...as a girl, I'd want to know what parts of your job you enjoy and hate...what is challenging...maybe even who do you interact with at work...not just their job titles, but there personalities...

Exit, maybe go find some scripts that have some great modern romantic leads and read through paying attention to the leading lady. "What Women Want" with Mel Gibson is a good movie that address this directly. Maybe even something like "Gone with the Wind" shows a long movie with a emotional but strong, intelligent woman as the lead. I don't expect that you would understand a woman immediately, but maybe you can figure out how they think differently. All those points where you think "that is just stupid" or "that doesn't make sense"...well, start looking a bit closer because there is probably a lot of girl speak going on. Girls talk more from their hearts...how they feel about a situation or a person....men talk about what they see...the dry facts of a situation or the details of a person are more about what they do and what are their favorite activities.

 

[dayhiker]

There are a few guys that are good at getting WOMANESE right. Most of us guys aren't going to get there. With my last GF I would make a few sentences that she loved so much that she would make comments about how good they were. But then 5 mins later I'd make a comment that she would hate. OK, that she wouldn't understand why I made it.

Well, the problem with "learning to speak as a woman" for a man is that then he isn't himself. He is putting on an act. He isn't authentic at that point. It also lets the woman off. Why doesn't the woman learn to talk like a man. If the goal is for the man to talk like a woman, then the goal for the woman should be to talk like a man. Se we are to reverse roles? NOT!

I think both men and women need to learn to apprechiate how the other sex is. We each learn to say a few things that will impress the other. But to ask us to talk like the other is like asking a cat to act like a dog. For the most part I don't see it happening. If I could pull off the act, it wouldn't be long before I'd not be enjoying the relationship. I find to act a role is very intense and takes the fun out of life. So it would be time to end the relationship.

I very much enjoy listening to a woman explain her life. How see sees the world. But when she wants me to see the world and live my life the way she does .. I can't go there. This was part of the reason I just ended my 4+ year relationship with my GF.

 

[exitstageright]

There are a few guys that are good at getting WOMANESE right. Most of us guys aren't going to get there. With my last GF I would make a few sentences that she loved so much that she would make comments about how good they were. But then 5 mins later I'd make a comment that she would hate. OK, that she wouldn't understand why I made it.

Well, the problem with "learning to speak as a woman" for a man is that then he isn't himself. He is putting on an act. He isn't authentic at that point. It also lets the woman off. Why doesn't the woman learn to talk like a man. If the goal is for the man to talk like a woman, then the goal for the woman should be to talk like a man. Se we are to reverse roles? NOT!

I think both men and women need to learn to apprechiate how the other sex is. We each learn to say a few things that will impress the other. But to ask us to talk like the other is like asking a cat to act like a dog. For the most part I don't see it happening. If I could pull off the act, it wouldn't be long before I'd not be enjoying the relationship. I find to act a role is very intense and takes the fun out of life. So it would be time to end the relationship.

I very much enjoy listening to a woman explain her life. How see sees the world. But when she wants me to see the world and live my life the way she does .. I can't go there. This was part of the reason I just ended my 4+ year relationship with my GF.

Thanks,Dayhiker,you analogy is right on. Women complain about men's nature and men complain about women's nature. I wonder if GOD did not want us men to sleep around, to find ONE wife,and to LIVE with her the rest of our lives,then WHY do he give us these different attributes that may just one day DRIVE US ALL CRAZY?

Women tell us men,"Don't put on an act,just BE YOURSELF!" Well, I CAN"T be myself if I am expected to THINK and to FEEEEEEL like a woman!
It DOES NOT COMPUTE! (remember Lost In Space?) IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE! One of the reasons that I divorced my ex was because I became SO tired,after SIX long years, of putting up with female nonsense! NOW women,how about THAT for me expressing my ..........FEELINGS?

Now,I do not THINK,but I ......FEEL that it sometimes SUCKS being single,AND it sometimes SUCKS even worse being married!