Is there any hope for me?

[silverpie]

Here I am... 32, and never so much as had a girlfriend... (closest I've come, on the 4th date, it became obvious she had to have kids, and I can't handle dealing with the ankle-biters )... my church has nothing for singles, and the only one in my entire county that does, the group is highly anti-evangelicals...no help on the Internet (match.com has seemed to forget that I requested people who actually live somewhere within a couple hundred miles of me, and eharmony.com rejected me outright)... all of my prayers and my mother's on the subject, even for some clue as to why this might be His will, are answered "no"...

 

[Living4Him03]

I may be unpopular for saying this, but you have to be prepared to accept God's will, whether or not He gives you the wisdom to understand the "why" of it...He certainly has the right to deny us an answer as to "why" because He is God, but if you are called to singleness, God has a specfic purpose and reason for that. I think one problem may be because you do not want children. The simple fact is that most (I'm not saying all) Christian women want children at some point or are not opposed to the idea. However, some do not feel having children is something God wants for them. You can pray and pray for a spouse all you want, but until you really give it up to God and let Him be God, you probably won't find her. It's a cliche, but the truth is that if you keep God first all the other aspects of your life, like finding a spouse, will be added without you having to pour over them in anxiety. Maybe the "no" means you are not ready for the answer yet? It could also mean that you are not going to get an answer--*Edit* God always answers our prayers, I just meant that it may not be in the way we expect or seem like He is answering. Either way, pray that God's will will be done and not your own and He will surely bless you...I know that's true in my own life. God bless.

 

[Starcradle]

The simple fact is that most (I'm not saying all) Christian women want children at some point or are not opposed to the idea. However, some do not feel having children is something God wants for them.

I am one of those "rare" women who does not desire children, although now that I am committed to the Lord, I feel that I am somehow not entitled to be married (and I'd very much like to be) if I do not want any. Even so, I am willing to submit to the will of God. If He desires that I have children, then I will accept it. Yet I really do not possess a strong maternal instinct.

Silverpie, God knows the beginning from the end, whereas we do not. He knows precisely what would fulfill us at exactly the right moment. He desires the absolute best for us! Even though we may feel something would be beneficial for us at a particular moment in time, we cannot rely upon our own understanding. I realize this can be arduous to accept, yet it is the truth. Perhaps He is in the process of preparing both your heart and hers for one another, perhaps He has other plans for you. Either way, I can assure you that He desires to do a work within your life that is far beyond what your heart and mind could fathom, and you will be wonderfully delighted with the results. God is always on time, so hang in there! (Know that this is coming from a woman who has never really had a boyfriend, therefore I can relate!)

 

[klewlis]

I am one of those "rare" women who does not desire children, although now that I am committed to the Lord, I feel that I am somehow not entitled to be married (and I'd very much like to be) if I do not want any.

Goodness. I don't know any reason why this would be the case. Marriage isn't only for those who want children! If that were true then we might as well tell all women over 40 not to bother getting married at all...

If you want to get married and find the right guy, then go for it! Just make sure that he agrees with you on the children part, or that could cause some stress.

 

[Living4Him03]

well silverpie is let's see 32 year old male who does not want children, Starcradle is 28, doesn't want children either, so hey let's just say it would not hurt to start a friendship! Just a suggestion!

 

[jesus_is_my_life]

Hmmmm....

 

[Chadwickboy]

Well, as far as not wanting children goes, I have heard of cases where people who aren't actually planning on having kids ends up becoming pregnant, and then when they have the baby, the parental instincts kind of kick in. I myself, though I don't have kids(I'm single, virgin, all that stuff) used to be terrified of having to be around anyone younger than like, 10. Then I was led to work with kids at a summer camp and am now much more fond of children than I used to be.

 

[silverpie]

There's actually a reason for that, Chadwickboy. It involves hormones. But my problem is a little different from just "not wanting" kids--I have severely oversensitive hearing, and crying babies tend to use frequencies that cause me a great deal of pain (there are a few--if you ever listen to a set of handbells, the second-highest-pitched is one of them).

I actually looked up an old crush tonight--she's married but does want to be friends with me again . Not a total success, but better than nothing...

 

[Chadwickboy]

There's actually a reason for that, Chadwickboy. It involves hormones. But my problem is a little different from just "not wanting" kids--I have severely oversensitive hearing, and crying babies tend to use frequencies that cause me a great deal of pain (there are a few--if you ever listen to a set of handbells, the second-highest-pitched is one of them).

I actually looked up an old crush tonight--she's married but does want to be friends with me again . Not a total success, but better than nothing...

Yeah, with the health concern, I can see where than can hinder a desire for kids lol. I know what you mean, I seem to have horrible luck with girls. My last girlfriend was in 10th grade. She just had a baby a couple weeks ago. My freshman year of college, I actually eventually learned that there were *5* girls that had had a thing for me. But, I'm dense, and plus at the time I had major self-esteem issues(not that I'm totally over them... lol), so I didn't exactly notice. Although two of those girls, it turned out, I liked back(at different times of course): one turned out to be a compulsive liar, and the other one, well, let's just say she wasn't my type once I got to know her better. I tend to stumble into strange situations when it comes to girls. I'm not exactly looking for a girlfriend or whatever, but the strangeness just keeps happening

 

[Starcradle]

Goodness. I don't know any reason why this would be the case. Marriage isn't only for those who want children! If that were true then we might as well tell all women over 40 not to bother getting married at all...

LoL. I am not at all referring to women who are beyond childbearing age, or an age wherein pregnancy would be a dangerous option. My predominant concern is obedience to the Lord, who commands us to "be fruitful and multiply." He did not create intimacy merely for pleasure between a husband and wife.

If you want to get married and find the right guy, then go for it! Just make sure that he agrees with you on the children part, or that could cause some stress.

Thank you for the encouragement. I am well aware that two individuals who unite must possess the same core values, else the foundation will be exceedingly weak and will not withstand tempestuous trials.

well silverpie is let's see 32 year old male who does not want children, Starcradle is 28, doesn't want children either, so hey let's just say it would not hurt to start a friendship! Just a suggestion!

LoL.

Well, as far as not wanting children goes, I have heard of cases where people who aren't actually planning on having kids ends up becoming pregnant, and then when they have the baby, the parental instincts kind of kick in.

Yes, I have considered that possibility and it would be wonderful. It is not that I am incapable of nurturing (I care for my almost-two-year-old niece every day), yet I have never possessed this vehement desire to have my own. It may be due to the fact that the care of other people's children was foisted upon me a great deal as a teenager and I resented it. Nevertheless, I have prayed that if it is indeed God's will that I be married, that He would send me a man whom I would love so dearly as to be inspired to have children with him. (I did at some point dream of bearing children with the only man I ever loved, therefore it is possible.)

As I stated previously, my predominant objective is to submit to God's will in every area.

 

[klewlis]

LoL. I am not at all referring to women who are beyond childbearing age, or an age wherein pregnancy would be a dangerous option. My predominant concern is obedience to the Lord, who commands us to "be fruitful and multiply." He did not create intimacy merely for pleasure between a husband and wife.

We see this command only twice in the Bible--once to Adam and once to Noah. In both cases it was very specifically and obviously because they were the only people on earth and they NEEDED to be fruitful and multiply in order to ensure the survival of the species. We do not have this problem today, and in fact overpopulation is quickly becoming an urgent problem--I actually think it is socially irresponsible for people today to be having more than 2-3 kids (except through adoption) because there are far too many people sucking up too few resources, and so many kids already looking for a home.

 

[harmmony]

LoL. I am not at all referring to women who are beyond childbearing age, or an age wherein pregnancy would be a dangerous option. My predominant concern is obedience to the Lord, who commands us to "be fruitful and multiply." He did not create intimacy merely for pleasure between a husband and wife.

I guess I'm also one of those rare Christian women who has no intention whatsoever of ever bearing children. The command you mentioned is actually "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth". It was given directly to Adam and Eve and Noah for obvious reasons, if they didn't get busy there would be nobody populating the earth. Since the world is very well filled by now, I have no trouble understanding that commandment to be specific only to them and is irrelevant to me. I'm single and I pray that God sends me a man who doesn't want children either. I wouldn't get serious with anyone who did.

Silverpie
I believe that it's very rarely that God chooses to have a person live a single life and usually it's due to a certain hardship they be called to eg - being a missionary in a very remote or dangerous place, so as to whether it's God's will or not I have 2 scriptures for you that might help -

1. Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

2. Matthew 6:33 - But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

So, my advice is, if it is the desire of your heart to be married, then God tells you what to do - Put Him first, seek Him first instead of a partner and He will give you this desire, He will add this to you, BUT in His timing. Remember, Noah had to wait 120 years for the flood God promised and Sarah was over 90 before God provided Isaac to her as she was promised. Sorry, that's a bit discouraging, but I was just giving an example.

You may not be ready yet for the kind of relationship God wants for you, or maybe you are and God still has work to do on your future wife to make her ready. Just keep at it, change your focus to God and I believe it will happen for you.

 

[mrversatile48]

Jesus said, "Woe to pregnant women & nursing mothers in those days"

He foresaw the trauma of the ever accelerating, intensifying "birthpains"

He knew that "all creation groans like a woman in travail"

He knew that, "what can be shaken will be shaken, so that what can't be shaken will remain"

He knew that, "the powers in the heavens will be shaken"

& that, "men's hearts will fail for fear as they see calamities come upon Earth"

He told us all those things 2000 years ago

Isaiah wrote 2,700 years ago

Even many unsaved folk say, "I don't want to bring babies into this cruel world"

Only God has told us the end from the beginning

Early chapters of Isaiah repeated, various times, in various ways, that, "in the last days, the arrogance of man will be laid low & the Lord alone be exalted"

He also prophesied that we, in the Spirit, can bring in the new birth without travail - (Isaiah 54, from memory)

& prophesied that Jesus would bear all the travail, see the fruit of His travail & be satisfied - the famous Isaiah 53

Jesus, in John 15, said that He is the Vine & we are the branches, & it is God's will that we be fruitful & bring forth much fruit

His parable of the sower is to encourage our evangelism

Let's complete our Great Commission & hasten His return

Psalms says, "He who sows in tears will reap in joy..He will come home singing, bearing his sheaves with him"

"You shall go out with & be led forth in peace & the mountains & hills will break forth before you into songs of joy!"

Be fruitful & multiply into that multitude without number before the throne

"Rejoice in the Lord always, & again I say, rejoice!"

God bless!

Ian

 

[harmmony]

Jesus said, "Woe to pregnant women & nursing mothers in those days"

He foresaw the trauma of the ever accelerating, intensifying "birthpains"

He knew that "all creation groans like a woman in travail"

He knew that, "what can be shaken will be shaken, so that what can't be shaken will remain"

He knew that, "the powers in the heavens will be shaken"

& that, "men's hearts will fail for fear as they see calamities come upon Earth"

He told us all those things 2000 years ago

Isaiah wrote 2,700 years ago

Even many unsaved folk say, "I don't want to bring babies into this cruel world"

Only God has told us the end from the beginning

Early chapters of Isaiah repeated, various times, in various ways, that, "in the last days, the arrogance of man will be laid low & the Lord alone be exalted"

He also prophesied that we, in the Spirit, can bring in the new birth without travail - (Isaiah 54, from memory)

& prophesied that Jesus would bear all the travail, see the fruit of His travail & be satisfied - the famous Isaiah 53

Jesus, in John 15, said that He is the Vine & we are the branches, & it is God's will that we be fruitful & bring forth much fruit

His parable of the sower is to encourage our evangelism

Let's complete our Great Commission & hasten His return

Psalms says, "He who sows in tears will reap in joy..He will come home singing, bearing his sheaves with him"

"You shall go out with & be led forth in peace & the mountains & hills will break forth before you into songs of joy!"

Be fruitful & multiply into that multitude without number before the throne

"Rejoice in the Lord always, & again I say, rejoice!"

God bless!

Ian

I'm sorry, but I can't see how any of this has anything to do with the OP. It is completely off topic and irrelevant to what we have been discussing.

 

[Starcradle]

Thank you to those who who took the time to respond to my thoughts. I greatly appreciate the Scriptures posted, and within context. This is an issue I occasionally grapple with. Even if it were not unscriptural to be married and not procreate, the truth of the matter is that most men desire children. Nevertheless, I shall trust in the Lord and His plans for me. He carves out paths that we could never carve out on our own.

 

[Stanfi]

Here I am... 32, and never so much as had a girlfriend... (closest I've come, on the 4th date, it became obvious she had to have kids, and I can't handle dealing with the ankle-biters )... my church has nothing for singles, and the only one in my entire county that does, the group is highly anti-evangelicals...no help on the Internet (match.com has seemed to forget that I requested people who actually live somewhere within a couple hundred miles of me, and eharmony.com rejected me outright)... all of my prayers and my mother's on the subject, even for some clue as to why this might be His will, are answered "no"...

Well at least you made it a 4th date.. I made it to a 3rd once. Anyway to answer your question. If it is God's will for you to have someone in your life, then you will in God's time. You just have to trust God 100% with your life, and pray that his will be done in your life. It is the only way you will find peace and contentment. Turn it over to Jesus and "fo ged da boud dit". Capish??

 

[Ceris]

Capished (i.e. I agree, understand, etc.)

 

[Chadwickboy]

Well at least you made it a 4th date.. I made it to a 3rd once. Anyway to answer your question. If it is God's will for you to have someone in your life, then you will in God's time. You just have to trust God 100% with your life, and pray that his will be done in your life. It is the only way you will find peace and contentment. Turn it over to Jesus and "fo ged da boud dit". Capish??

LOL, I'm still reaching for the goal of getting a 2nd date

 

[Ceris]

Me too, me too. Note: That would be second date ever.

 

[silverpie]

A further update--still getting absolutely nowhere, almost collapsed in tears this weekend as I was caught in the vicinity of a bachelorette party (bit of a long story there, but pretty much just a coincidence--and to those who say that "a coincidence is a miracle where God chooses to remain anonymous," I'd say this time it was exactly the opposite)....

I'd have absolutely lost all reason to live right now if it weren't for my little four-legged friends (cats, in case you're wondering)....