Is spanking moral/ethical?

[Tenten]

Enough said. I've heard stories about spanking emotionally scarring children and damaging them, but I personally do not believe it in the slightest. Now, I'm talking about SPANKING children, as in, a good swift swat to the buttocks, NOT beating children or abusing them. I was spanked as a child, and I was a well-behaved kid and grew into a productive member of society (meaning, I do not go out and purposely break laws... except for speeding), and I do not believe I was emotionally scarred as a child. When I have children, I plan on spanking them.

what do you guys think? Is spanking moral/ethical?

 

[underpressure]

I was hit as a child, and I did have a few fights at school, you are teaching your child that the way to get someone to behave is by hitting them. Children learn by observation and experience.

I wouldn't hit my child personally, not even a spank, as I think resorting to violence is lazy parenting no matter how mild, it sets a bad example.

 

[citizenthom]

Depends on how its used. As a purely punitive measure, yes: it's been proven effective and it often the only way to communicate the moral elements of certain behavior to young children.

The problem comes when parents use it to vent their own anger at their children. That's when it becomes abusive and immoral.

 

[Tenten]

I was hit as a child, and I did have a few fights at school, you are teaching your child that the way to get someone to behave is by hitting them. Children learn by observation and experience.

I wouldn't hit my child personally, not even a spank, as I think resorting to violence is lazy parenting no matter how mild, it sets a bad example.

I can understand your perspective, but I certainly do not agree with it. Kids who are not spanked get in plenty of fights, and from what I've seen in my own personal experience growing up and by simply being around kids is that kids who are not spanked appear to behave worse than kids who are spanked. It could be the parents are just lazy or inconsistent with punishment... I have to agree other means of discipline takes more effort to dish out than a simple spanking, so the parents could just be to lazy to adequately enforce the other measures, so I am not really sure if its due to a lack of spankings or poor parenting. I knew kids who were not spanked who got in just as many fights as kids who were spanked, some of the not spanked kids got in even more fights.

I was spanked A LOT as a kid, and I have never been in a single fight in my entire life, not even one. On top of that, I am in karate, which by your argument could be used to support the notion that I would have learned to be a violent person through observation and experience. I believe kids learn to not do certain behaviors by being spanked. I just do not feel the argument of learning violence through being spanked holds water. They do not learn to hit or pick fights by being spanked. I feel it depends more on the temperament of the child as to whether or not they will get into fights.

 

[JCFantasy23]

It's ethical and moral but not effective for all kids. I really doubt it would have done anything for me. We weren't spanked and are both great people and were great teenagers and children. It works for some kids but not others, depends on the personalities and mindsets.

 

[Fenny the Fox]

I would say that it is dependent on both the child and the parents.

It is effective on some children (myself, for instance), but not on some. Some children will respond to other methods better (some to "time outs", some to removing things [toys, games, television, etc.], some to yet other means). And some, seemingly don't care what the punishment is, and will do what they want regardless.

And it also depends on the parent doing it. If the parent stands fast by the punishment, but insures the child realizes what was done wrong and why, then it is more likely to be effective. If the parent is inconsistent with punishment, if the parent coddles the child afterwards, etc, then it tends to lose effectiveness.

Also, spanking should be a last resort punishment. If the child tries to do something and is told not to, then tries to do so and is otherwise punished, then tries to do so again. At this point, spanking would be a correct punishment.

As well, the more the punishment is used the less effective it tends to be. I have known people who were spanked so much, they no longer even cared. At which point the punishment was moot.

This often leads to incorrect use, or even downright abuse of the child. One individual I grew up with was spanked so much he no longer cared, at which point the punishment became more severe. until, in his teens, his mother would actually slap him as hard as she could.

As for moral or ethical, I see no call to think it is not.

Proverbs 13:24 (NIV)

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

 

[Washington]

Enough said. I've heard stories about spanking emotionally scarring children and damaging them, but I personally do not believe it in the slightest. Now, I'm talking about SPANKING children, as in, a good swift swat to the buttocks, NOT beating children or abusing them. I was spanked as a child, and I was a well-behaved kid and grew into a productive member of society (meaning, I do not go out and purposely break laws... except for speeding), and I do not believe I was emotionally scarred as a child. When I have children, I plan on spanking them.

what do you guys think? Is spanking moral/ethical?

I agree. I was spanked as a young kid--can't remember it happening after I was five or so--but it was always for a good reason.

 

[Fin1234]

It's not so much a question of whether to spank or not. It's more.. ..if we spank or do not spank, how do we implemented this in our OVERALL parenting strategy.

Are alternatives used if available to help strengthen and elaborate the message?
Are your methods a consistent and thoughtful administration of discipline?
Or are they emtionaly fueled, inconsistent occasional disciplinary actions?
Is it tough to the point where it is embittering the child?
Is it to light and spoiling the child?
When you discipline your child, what message are you sending?
Are both parents working together for a common goal and outcome?
Are you using the methods of communication/parenting that your child responds best to?

Those questions are much more important! The issue of spank or no spank is like worrying about your carpet getting wet when struck by a tsunami. It just misses the bigger picture!

 

[selfinflikted]

Yes, spanking is moral, imo.

 

[jayem]

I don't remember being spanked, but I can't recall much of anything before age 3 or so. I must have gotten a few licks because my mother told this story. There apparently was some kind of ventilation duct in our house with a loose cover. One time I was acting up in some way, and my father decided to spank me. But I saw it coming, and before he could get to me, I pulled off the grate, and crawled into the duct. It was way too small for an adult to get in, so there was no way anybody could reach me. I just sat in there until he cooled down. I honestly have no memory of this at all. But pretty clever for a 2 year old, huh?

A quick swat on the backside just to get a toddler's attention isn't wrong. But I wouldn't use physical discipline on a child much over 3 or 4.

 

[lawtonfogle]

Enough said. I've heard stories about spanking emotionally scarring children and damaging them, but I personally do not believe it in the slightest. Now, I'm talking about SPANKING children, as in, a good swift swat to the buttocks, NOT beating children or abusing them. I was spanked as a child, and I was a well-behaved kid and grew into a productive member of society (meaning, I do not go out and purposely break laws... except for speeding), and I do not believe I was emotionally scarred as a child. When I have children, I plan on spanking them.

what do you guys think? Is spanking moral/ethical?

I think the problem everyone has with spanking is the line between what is and is not abuse. Very few people say that there should be no physical contact at all, and those who do say so because they think any physical contact (done as punishment, not counting hugs here) is abusive.

Since child abuse is a very emotional reaction, many people use their emotions to decide what is/is not abuse. The problem is, peoples emotions fall all over the spectrum, from the "can't touch them in anger" to the "as long as no bones are broken" crowds.

 

[Mling]

I think that all acts involving unnecessary attention focused on erogenous zones should be reserved for consenting adults, especially when pain and power/control aspects are involved.

 

[Tenten]

I think that all acts involving unnecessary attention focused on erogenous zones should be reserved for consenting adults, especially when pain and power/control aspects are involved.

Huh? You lost me here. I'm asking people about spanking children as a form of discipline. The question has nothing to do with touching genitals in any way.

 

[lawtonfogle]

Huh? You lost me here. I'm asking people about spanking children as a form of discipline. The question has nothing to do with touching genitals in any way.

Well, very few pro-spanking people who are even for spanking the butt (which while not a genital, is normally considered a very sexual portion of the body that is to be covered in public) ever specify that the genitals are off limits for spanking. In there defense, that is probably assumed, but for a number of adults (and thus potentially for a number of children) touching the butt is an inherently sexual act. Go down the street and tap someone on the butt like you would tap them on the arm/shoulder, and see if you get the same result.

 

[katautumn]

I don't spank my son, but that is my personal choice. I feel that nine times out of ten spankings are administered in anger on the parents' part and it only serves to frighten and frustrate a child in the throes of a meltdown. I find that there are other disciplinary tools that provide a much better response than spankings. My son responds well to talks and having certain privileges revoked, or his favorite toy taken away temporarily.

 

[Wicked Willow]

Well, very few pro-spanking people who are even for spanking the butt (which while not a genital, is normally considered a very sexual portion of the body that is to be covered in public) ever specify that the genitals are off limits for spanking. In there defense, that is probably assumed, but for a number of adults (and thus potentially for a number of children) touching the butt is an inherently sexual act. Go down the street and tap someone on the butt like you would tap them on the arm/shoulder, and see if you get the same result.

I see what you mean, although I'd suggest that most people who spank their children choose this part of the body because it's a spot where the risk of accidentally causing a real physical injury is relatively low on account of human anatomy.

To the OP:
I'm not a parent (yet), so I'm really speaking from an ideal that is totally lacking in any practical experience.
I think the worst thing you can do in terms of education is giving your child the impression that you make empty threats, or act inconsistently with regards to certain boundaries that you've set. This is true regardless of whether you use spanking or not.
Likewise, artificial boundaries can inspire rebellion if incorrectly used or unneccessarily harsh: I remember a kid on my class who wasn't allowed to eat any sweets, as her parents belonged to the "whole grain products only"-faction. And believe it or not, it was this very kid who gobbled down chocolate bars until he turned green on my birthday parties, simply because he saw an opportunity to transgress - whereas us "normal" kids didn't regard sweets as anything special, and would never have thought of abusing ourselves in such a fashion.

So, I'd regard spanking as a "last resort", a threat that is not easily made. Ideally, I'd foster a sense of paternal authority based on my child's trust in my greater degree of experience, not on his or her fear of my superior physical strength.
Starting with an age when children become capable of understanding moral arguments, fostering such understanding should take utmost precendence over appeals to paternal authority. "Because I say so" is never a good reason, not even when dealing with your children.

 

[lawtonfogle]

I see what you mean, although I'd suggest that most people who spank their children choose this part of the body because it's a spot where the risk of accidentally causing a real physical injury is relatively low on account of human anatomy.

Well, that and a combination of that is just the classical place to spank a child, almost like tradition.

 

[BarrySoetoro]

What spanking teaches toddlers is that if they are caught disobeying their parent's commands, they will suffer pain.

Unfortunately, pain is most often paired with being caught, not the disobedient act. Therefore, kids associate pain with getting caught rather than disobedience. Kids will often become more sneaky and devious to avoid punishment, creating an adversarial rel'p between parent and child.

It wasn't the belt that bothered me so much; it was the cigarette burns on the arms that I really hated.

 

[Mling]

Huh? You lost me here. I'm asking people about spanking children as a form of discipline. The question has nothing to do with touching genitals in any way.

erogenous zones don't have to be the genitals (I consider them to be, by definition, not the genitals, but I just looked it up and apparently that's not the definition. whoops). Just any part of the body that is extremely sensitive, and where stimulation is likely to be interpreted as a sexual feeling. The buttocks absolutely are an erogenous zone, mostly because of anatomy (a slap to the buttocks will sort of reverberate through the genital region and stimulate them by proxy--try it on yourself and see) and culture (almost any time you see a butt in American culture, it's in a sexual context--occasionally it's a 'look how innocent they are, they don't even mind being naked' thing, but that, itself, is tied to sexuality--in that case, the noticeable lack of it.)

This is only one part of my objection to spanking, but it's a major part and I think it's the most obvious and straightforward.
I'm opposed to forcing people into sexual situations without their consent; I'm opposed to forcing pain on people without their consent; I'm opposed to nearly all adult/child sexual interactions, regardless of what the child feels about it; so why would I support adults forcing children into painful sexual situations against their "consent" (which they can't give anyway)?

 

[quatona]

Enough said. I've heard stories about spanking emotionally scarring children and damaging them, but I personally do not believe it in the slightest.

I guess the different views are based in different ideas as to what everyone thinks they want to teach their children, and what they think an emotionally intact child (and adult) is.
As far as I can tell, spanking a kid wouldn´t help with teaching it anything I would like it to learn, and it teaches him/her a couple of things I don´t want it to learn.
IOW: Spanking a child is counterproductive to my goals in their upbringing.

Now, I'm talking about SPANKING children, as in, a good swift swat to the buttocks, NOT beating children or abusing them. I was spanked as a child, and I was a well-behaved kid and grew into a productive member of society (meaning, I do not go out and purposely break laws... except for speeding), and I do not believe I was emotionally scarred as a child. When I have children, I plan on spanking them.

I´m sorry, but I won´t touch the "I have been..., and I am completely ok" approach with a ten foot pole. Someone might get hurt when we discuss such questions on a personal level.

(ive lernt speling buy a nu methot. its awsom.)

Personally, I don´t hold being "well-behaved" (and properly functioning as expected in general) as an inherently positive value for children.
I think I can tell the difference between a child who´s been conditioned into being "well-behaved" and a child who had the opportunity to learn why he/she wants to behave well.