After a lengthy conversation with a very special Christian friend of mine today in which she shared with me that her husband has an obsession with pornography, and that when they have sex he asks that she keep all of her clothes (top half on) and rarely looks at her during. This news broke my heart especially to see the heartache of my friend, who I might add has only been married to this man for less than 6 months. The couple abstained from sexual relations until they were married.... Besides leaving me with deep sadness for her it also left me with my question... Is pornography the same as or equivalent to cheating?
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Is pornography cheating????
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dayknee
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Very very painful and very sad. I too have a husband who has been addicted to porn for over the last ten years of our marriage..and the whole sex thing?.....man does that bring back hurtful memories. Our sex (when we would even have it which was about once every month or so because he didnt want it more than that) was bottoms off and my top on.
I feel very very sad for her.
I believe it is. It is complete neglect of the marriage and how God designed a marriage to be.
I feel very very sad for her.
I believe it is. It is complete neglect of the marriage and how God designed a marriage to be.
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DZoolander
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Ehhh - is it "right"? No. Is it "considerate" and how a mate ought to be? No. However - I have a hard time putting the label of "cheating" onto it.
Maybe it's just because I'm really pedantic with my choice of words. I mean - when I was a teenager - long before I had been "with" anyone - I did my share of checking into porn - MB - etc... and ya know - by the time that I eventually lost my virginity - I was *still* a virgin. Despite all the fantasies - and all of the sexually laden thoughts - I had still never had sex. I did not know the touch of a woman - I didn't know how a woman felt - and I didn't know what sex was like.
Despite years and years of indulging in that stuff - the truth was - I had never had sex. So - it's hard for me to get past that reality and say it's 'cheating' (at least not in the way we normally use that word.) He hasn't gone out and touched anyone else. He hasn't had sex with someone else. The other person is completely unaware that he exists. It was not a shared experience. He basically masturbated with visual cues.
That being said...however...what he did is not *right* and it is not *okay*. His first and primary obligation is to his wife - and how she feels. He ought not be engaging in behaviors that make her feel undesirable and leave her wanting. He did not *need* to get married. He was not *forced* into it. He willingly took on that obligation - and he therefore ought to take it seriously. If his behavior has bad effects on her - then he needs to stop it and be a decent husband. How she feels *does* matter - and he needs to recognize how his actions play into that.
Maybe it's just because I'm really pedantic with my choice of words. I mean - when I was a teenager - long before I had been "with" anyone - I did my share of checking into porn - MB - etc... and ya know - by the time that I eventually lost my virginity - I was *still* a virgin. Despite all the fantasies - and all of the sexually laden thoughts - I had still never had sex. I did not know the touch of a woman - I didn't know how a woman felt - and I didn't know what sex was like.
Despite years and years of indulging in that stuff - the truth was - I had never had sex. So - it's hard for me to get past that reality and say it's 'cheating' (at least not in the way we normally use that word.) He hasn't gone out and touched anyone else. He hasn't had sex with someone else. The other person is completely unaware that he exists. It was not a shared experience. He basically masturbated with visual cues.
That being said...however...what he did is not *right* and it is not *okay*. His first and primary obligation is to his wife - and how she feels. He ought not be engaging in behaviors that make her feel undesirable and leave her wanting. He did not *need* to get married. He was not *forced* into it. He willingly took on that obligation - and he therefore ought to take it seriously. If his behavior has bad effects on her - then he needs to stop it and be a decent husband. How she feels *does* matter - and he needs to recognize how his actions play into that.
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eatenbylocusts
Senior Veteran
A Christian shouldn't be viewing porn whether he is married or not. Your friend needs to address this now, not later. The last thing she should do is ignore it and have a few kids. Time to get some Christian counseling now. And it should be someone who is trained to deal with this situation. Did she know about this before the marriage?
I can't believe someone could go into marriage without asking this question. If she was really naiive about this subject it should've been brought up in pre-marital counseling. I dated someone with this addiction and I wouldn't get serious with anyone until I knew whether they struggled with this.
I can't believe someone could go into marriage without asking this question. If she was really naiive about this subject it should've been brought up in pre-marital counseling. I dated someone with this addiction and I wouldn't get serious with anyone until I knew whether they struggled with this.
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There are many opinions on this topic as far as if this is cheating or not . Personally I feel it depends on the situation . If it is cheating or not , does not take away from if it is wrong or not though . Since the OP asked if it is cheating , my opinion is , if the person is giving or getting from the porn what is rightfully supposed to be for or from the spouse it is cheating . The biggest problem with porn is that it slowly pulls the person from their spouse . Over time it gets easier and easier to just go to the porn for gratification , The porn does not argue with you , it doesnt require any feelings or intimacy or confrontation of daily issues . It also makes it harder to deal with those things when you can get it so easily elsewhere. The spouse then feels that pulling away and starts to push for what is rightfully theirs , which in turn makes the person watching / turning to porn pull further away . This is the scheme of the enemy , and he is reveling in the amount of marriages and lives that he is ruining .
Pray Pray Pray and then Pray somemore !
Just my opinion of the matter , as there are many
Gob Bless
Miccy
Pray Pray Pray and then Pray somemore !
Just my opinion of the matter , as there are many
Gob Bless
Miccy
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Million Pieces
SHMILY
But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. - Matt. 5:28
end of story.
end of story.
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needingchange
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completely agree to the above.
Matt 5v28 "I say unot you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath commited adultery with her already in his heart".
How even more in being involved with pornography. where actions match the decietful heart. I would say that pornography is cheating, the mind desires something else. Depending if it is a rare mistake or if it is planned and longterm, there is no repentance in this mans heart.
If both partners are giving each other the needs they have, there should be no reason for it.
Matt 5v28 "I say unot you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath commited adultery with her already in his heart".
How even more in being involved with pornography. where actions match the decietful heart. I would say that pornography is cheating, the mind desires something else. Depending if it is a rare mistake or if it is planned and longterm, there is no repentance in this mans heart.
If both partners are giving each other the needs they have, there should be no reason for it.
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dayknee
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Sometimes one partner is giving the other what they need or want..and sometimes the other partner just does not want it..and sometimes one partner wants to be intimate so badly with the other, only to be turned down...typically because of porn.
Porn use/abuse/addiction is not always about one partner not fulfilling their marital obligations. Sometimes it's just about one partner who would rather touch to porn than be with his partner.
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needingchange
Newbie
Smoking, drugs, drinking, sex and gambling are all "addictions". they all however can be overcome with the help of God.
We are under the law of grace from our Lord Jesus Christ, but...doing this knowing it is wrong is not right. A 'Christian' that acts in this way is not 'ignorant' and completely liable for his/her actions.
"Shall we continue to sin, that grace may abound? God forbid!"
We are under the law of grace from our Lord Jesus Christ, but...doing this knowing it is wrong is not right. A 'Christian' that acts in this way is not 'ignorant' and completely liable for his/her actions.
"Shall we continue to sin, that grace may abound? God forbid!"
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L
lavenderbees
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Yes. If this were my husband and I had only been married six months, I would get it annulled.
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No its not the same but its not a good thing either. Watching porn is like watching a murder movie. It affects people in a bad way, and the more you watch the more it affects you.
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5kidsdad
God is always good
Something I heard once came to my mind while reading this thread. I heard once that life and the images we see are a series of snapshots. What we see is there, in our memory, and we cannot 'delete' those pictures. Some of the 'pictures' that we have seen are great, we look on them with great joy. Others are sad, and we remember the sorrow. When we willingly place things in front of us that are blatantly wrong, and we see them, they are there forever. I still remember the first horror movie I saw at age 12...and wish I could get that out of there. Just as with porn...it is there, forever. I still remember the first 'magazine' I saw as a teen...not something I think fondly of to be honest. We must abstain from those things that we know are wrong, that those hings do not come back to haunt us in the future. Yeah, the "joy" last but for a moment, but the consequences are longer, and effect others.
5kd
5kd
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eatenbylocusts
Senior Veteran
You put that very well. I remember the one and only horror movie that I saw at 16 or 17. My friend and I walked out halfway through, but it's still there in my mind.
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Sometimes you just don't know, because you are lied to. I specifically asked my ex this question b4 marriage, even b4 engagement. He responded no way, I don't go near the stuff, well geuss what, a year after marriage I stumbled on it on the computer. When I confronted him (in love mind you, because that was the Christian wifey thing to do and I felt that it was my fault) he admitted that he has had this problem since he was a teenager. My heart sunk....
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etmama
Regular Member
I'm so sorry to hear that. Your situation actually sounds a lot like mine. I even defended my husband to our friends...and he let me, knowing he was looking at it all along. In addition, he stressed how important sexual purity is before marriage, so of course I would never imagine a person with those convictions would be involved in exactly the opposite. We are now on the other side, away from the porn and on our way to a great marriage. If you ever need to talk, just pm me.
To answer if porn is cheating...as previous posters have said, it's pretty cut and dry in the Bible - Matthew 5:28
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