Is marrige really worth it these days??

[Glamgoddess]

Hi there.

When I was younger, as pretty much all little girls do, I imagined I was going to get married, and have lots of kids. I truely believed this was what I wanted ultimately out of life.

All this has changed in the past year.

Now, I don't see why I should bother getting married. I feel like paul in the bible. Being single is much easier, and simple. Sure there are moments of being lonely, but if this means I don't have to feel the pain from being in love with a man who hurts me over and over, or the pressures of having someone else to answer to, I'll gladly accept a life of solitude.

I know this happens mostly in the 'secular world', but marriges are just getting worthless to a lot of people, including me.

I mean, a lot of people just say the words, and don't think about what it means- a life long partnership.

For example;

You meet someone, and date/court for three years, and decide to get married, spend months planning the wedding, $10 000 or so on the rings, dress, ceramony, honeymoon.. And this seems to becomming a wedding on a budget.

And then you've got all these problems with married life... kids, a mortage, more bills... and this is if the marrige works out.

A lot of christians do get divorced- so if you do, you've just (wasted in my opinon) spent a minimum of three years of your life, and $10 000 setting yourself up for heartbreak. Is this worth it?

Another reason I am starting to think marrige isn't right for me, is because I'm scared to death of marrying someone, and thinking everything is going well, and then finding they've cheated, or done somewthing horrible to the marrige, like getting addicted to porn, or drugs, and having THIS presure to deal with as well as a failing marrige.

I'm scared to death of getting divorced, and I haven't even got a BF. I'm also terrified I'll be a bad mother...what if I don't raise my children well? What if I fail as a parent? This is a whole other matter I have to deal with somehow.

So, is there anyone here who understands how I feel? Does anyone here feel they don't want to get maried, or it's not what God intends for them?

How do I know if God wants me to be single for life or not? I have no real problems with having a relationship, just not any marrige. I'm not interested in relationships AT ALL right now, but I might change my mind later. Does God give you signs that you should be single?

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Marriage to me isn't about the rings, the dress, the wedding. Heck, I hope to hop a jet to Vegas and have Elvis marry me.

I think a lot of us have felt the same, negative way. However, when we let the outside world rule what we are and are not to do, we get into trouble. There have been plenty of times where I have not wanted a thing to do with men, but deep down, I still want(ed) to get married. If you have hang ups or issues with your past relationships, you're not ready to move on or even think about marriage.

There's no guarantee with anything in this world except for the things God tells us. Unless you're willing to work hard, realize that marriage isn't all about lovey-dovey stuff and sex, and both of you are looking at things the same way, you can get through it. I'm pretty confident I'd rather go through life with a good man by my side than without one.

 

[desi]

You have to marry for the old reasons, good-breeding and money, instead of "love" as marriage is a pragmatic business.

 

[Tumburu]

From what you wrote, it sounds like the main reason you don't want to get married is fear. Perhaps as you get older and hopefully gain more self confidence in yourself and trust in God, you won't be so worried about what might happen. God knows it's taken me long enough to figure it out.

You're 19. Take a deep breath, relax, then go out and have a rocking good time. Marriage, or any kind of relationship, doesn't have to happen to you at a certain time in your life. Kick back, have fun, and let God do the planning.

 

[gsmithcat]

I think God does call some of us to remain single. However, I'm thinking that you should remain single out of a love for God and devotion to His purposes for you rather than out of a fear of commitment, marital problems, or parenthood.

I do empathize with you though. I'm still single, but I worry about things like divorce and raising children. Before I was a Christian, I didn't know what to do with those worries. Now I go to God with these things.

If you're not at all interested in a relationship right now, that's awesome! I'd focus on areas where you can serve God as a single. Just continue to work on your relationship with Him. Your heart towards marriage may change with time.

Also, I thought Caelda had some way cool things to say about facing up to the realities of what marriage is really going to be!

God bless!

 

[Glamgoddess]

Hi everyone.

It's not so much that I have 'issues' with past r'ships, there is only one which really hurt me (he knows who he is...he's on this forum too...) and I'm pretty much moving on okay..

But the thing is, I'm not interested in having 'fun' in life. You know what I mean. The things a lot of young people do....fun with dating, just going out dancing, and clubbing, and 'hooking up' with guiys...

I don't want any of that. I really want/ed to find a man early in life and just get married, without having to go through the whole proscess of dating several men before I find my husband- if I get married.

I don't think a marrige is about the wedding. I believe the wedding isn't that important. the vowels are...and it's the time after the wedding that matters most. I don't want a big wedding. I hate this idea. Having a big wedding is really flashy. I'm not into flashing big parties and ceramonies.

If I get married, I'd love to have just my family, and closest friends, in fron of a pastor.

I know I'm only 19, but I don't feel 19. I seriously don't. I'm already tired of dating. I've had enough.

Maybe it'll all change in a few years. Either way, I how I can come to a resolution within my heart.

 

[gsmithcat]

But the thing is, I'm not interested in having 'fun' in life. You know what I mean. The things a lot of young people do....fun with dating, just going out dancing, and clubbing, and 'hooking up' with guiys...

I don't want any of that. I really want/ed to find a man early in life and just get married, without having to go through the whole proscess of dating several men before I find my husband- if I get married.

That's awesome! Different people like different things, but I'm not really into the dating scene either (hmm... maybe that's why I'm on this board). Still, I've seen many couples at my church who met through ministry or small groups and eventially ended up getting married.

I'm not even sure if going out to clubs etc... is a good way to form a solid relationship.

 

[Lia]

You need to take it step by step, in God's timing.... life is not perfect, but as Christians we have new grace and mercy every morning. Sure, marriage needs a lot of works and efforts. Parenting does too. But we don't depend on our strength but God's. Through seasons of life, God will teach us new things through different circumstances.

Marriage life and parenting are God's biggest blessings in a person's life. At least it is for me eventhough I haven't experienced any of these yet. Being single is ok too, but our desire to be married is actually God's given desire. Read Genesis again... it was God's intention to put a man and a woman together so they are not alone.

I used to be in your shoes years ago...i didn't wanna get married also, because I had fail relationships in the past and it broke my heart. I was hopeless! But, find hope and healing in God.

I don't suggest dating and hooking up with random guys either. Wait for God and trust him with your future. Someday God will bring the right person along in His time.

 

[waterbear]

Have more faith that you'll be able to find someone who understands "life-long partnership" as you do. Your fear seems to be related to having something (marriage) and then losing it (through divorce, adultry, etc.) - that you fear losing it seems to mean you place some value in it. As for additional complications, well having two people dealing with the bills can simplify things (depends on coordination) and children are optoinal - only have them if you want them.

 

[2scoops]

Sounds like you've been hurt in the past and that is normal to feel that you are done with the thought of marriage. Take this time to lean on the Lord and put your faith in Him. You sound very mature and have your head on straight. That is very rare for someone your age. Just wait for God to send you someone, he will match you up with your perfect partner. There a good Godly guys out there, it's not just the women who are having trouble finding someone. There is always hope with God in your life.

 

[bkg]

You meet someone, and date/court for three years, and decide to get married, spend months planning the wedding, $10 000 or so on the rings, dress, ceramony, honeymoon.. And this seems to becomming a wedding on a budget.

HAHA - you're off by about 1/2, my friend. Between rings and wedding, you're looking at (at least) double that these days...

But that's not the point - you're looking at it wrong.

I can honestly say, with 100% confidence, without a doubt in my heart, that marriage is by far teh greatest gift that God has given us. It's not easy - it's often extremely difficult. But it's truly amazing. Living in fear of this gift will prevent you from enjoying it, enjoying the possibility of it, enjoying the process of getting to it, and living in it. Heck, I know the statistics suck - I'm a stat myself - but don't let that deter you from entering into the one relationship that gives us a small idea of the love that Jesus really has for His bride. I personally am starting to believe that we don't really start to understand that covenant until we enter into a marriage - it changes a lot of things. And for the better....

 

[peaceblossom]

God intended for men and women to join in a union and to be fruitful. One of the issues with the world is that lust is alive and thriving. Many people see the idea of being with one person for the rest of their lives as a "trap"; that they're "stuck" with that person and that they would be missing out on what else is out in the world. How can someone find love or even be in love when they think that way? It's like acquiring something new, using it up until it's worthless then moving on to something else.

I don't think it's worthless for anyone to get married or atleast want to in this day and age. If someone is committed to the person they're involved with and that love and concern is returned, along with a common faith (let's face a divided cannot stand is rather true in many cases) why shouldn't they be married? Furthermore, and above all God wants us to love and respect each other. People who mistreat others feelings or physically in order to get what they want are very selfish and it's people like that who are ripping the institution of marriage apart.

I've taken notice of something, I know couples who don't go out to clubs or parties because they know the primary reason for people coming together in certain fashions. People crave affection whether they admit it or not. We all want to be loved, it's just that many of us don't know how to and at the same many are always looking for instant gratification. If more people would actually get to know the person they are involved with or even atleast liked and really get down to what makes them tick, I think more marriages would last. Dare I say more people would be careful about who they would even be with.

I've been hurt and I'm still healing, but I'm not afraid to fall in love and I'm waiting for the day when I get married (God willing). If it's not to happen, sure I'll be sad but I'm sure God will get me through; he's gotten me through so much already.

Take heart my dear, ask God for healing and deliverence from fear. For every person who's been married, there are people who will stand and be the yoke that God joined them to be.




But with all respect due, it's just my opinion. (I'll stop rambling now )

 

[SDSUMarcus01]

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[Im_A]

glamgoddess, i know what your talking about there. it does seem, that in today's society, marriage seems pretty pointless, but nevertheless, that to which God created, can never fully be diminshed by our imperfections. i watched my mother go through a horrible relationship with my father, and then a relationship that ended that failed her. My mom is the most honorable women in my eyes. It taught me a lot about relationships and marriage. Knowing my mother went through a marriage to where my father was emotionally and then it turned to physical abuse, and how he was using drugs all the time, and then to a relationship that just failed out of the clear blue, and how her faith is still there, and her beliefs and faith knowing that God has someone special for her out there stand true is amazing to me. Now, my dad has cleaned up. We do not get along at all, but he is a totally different man now, a good man. He is on his fifth marriage, but finally, he got himself cleaned up, and finally found a good relationship after my mother and his split. My dad's wife is a good woman, and they fit each other perfect. It just takes faith and perserverance to believe that love and the idea of marriage is still something of upstanding measures in today's society.

I know I am only 22, but i have had my share of bad and good relationships that failed. My last one was the kicker, but if you want to know more about that one, ask, and we can talk about that later. I have been broken up with my ex now for 8 months, and i have not been on one date, haven't kissed a girl or nothing. I have only hung out with my friends that are girls. I kind of feel like I have given up on relationships, and dating, but I haven't. Dating, yes I have given up on. I do not like the dating scene within the Christian circles, or the non-Christian circles. Both sides shows tendancies of searching for the perfect man, with a good job, so he can please the desire of the grand ole americain dream. I am not perfect. I have many flaws, and I will not hide one of them. i have an ok pay job, but as supporting a child, a new home, a new car would support, I extremely doubt it. i'm a Christian, but i do not look like most Christian young men, and the non-Christian side is so filled with having to have sex, and i am a virgin. most of my friends are either married, have kids, in college, and i am single, and working at a factory. i do not like going to clubs and dancing, because i cannot dance to save my life, or unless i am at a rock or metal show, and i hate the music at clubs, and i do not like the idea of mixing alcohol with searching for your soulmate, because after enough drinks, anyone can be your soulmate. my idea of a first date, is going to the park and sitting for hours and talking, and actually do what everyone says they want to do, get to know each other. hang out at coffee shops, be bored together and take drives and get lost while driving, or for a night out, go to Taco Bell or a decent restaurant. maybe go to the library and talk about books, or go to the tattoo parlor and find some tattoo ideas. these are all things i would love to do on dates. but as it turns out, i am too religious for the world, and too worldly for the religious and i have almost given up my desire for love, relationships, marriage, family.

God has gotten me through a bunch of stuff i put myself through, and has taught me that we have to endure and not give up. if you feel God has someone out set apart from you, don't give your pearls to swine. i actually have this wild-eyed hope, of becoming best friends with a girl, while we both knowingly like eacho ther as more than friends, and just holding ourselves out for each other, and then skipping the dating stage, and just propose to her. sounds sappy and wild-eyed, but that's a dreamy hope i have, and maybe there would be more stability in that who knows. just run to God for solance, and remember that not every relationship is worthless, because maybe we go through a few worthless ones. i believe God someone set apart for marriage for me, and i am just waiting to find her. i don't feel like going out and finding meantime holidays while i wait for her, and i definetely don't feel like giving my pearls to swine anymore. i don't want nights of sexual bliss either. so i am just waiting for God to introduce me to that special person. that's all i can do, and give to anyone at this time in my life, so just keep your faith strong.

Marriage is so worth the wait. To find true and real love, in a time that love is as easy as watching leaves blow in the wind, and to find something that is stable, and is of God, and to create children inside of something that pure and holy seems blissful to me. this world has screwed up the idea of marriage. it's so easy to divorce. mark the reason as "unreconciable differences", and that is just to divorce? give me a break. all these people wanting sex to concrete the relationship, just to me shows the step before humans in darwins evolutionary chart. it is easy to look down on marriage these days. Christians do it just as much non-Christians, if not more now. kids get so hurt in divorces. children are forced to grow up too soon, instead of just enjoying the time of being a young ignorant, innocent child and to enjoy those times and be a kid, instead of worrying things they should not have to worry about.

so keep your faith. seems like you got your head on the right path, but don't give up on something that is God breathed, and was created by God and the imperssion may seem that it has been tainted, but all really has been done, is some Christians and non-christians alike have missed the point.
Joe

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

But the thing is, I'm not interested in having 'fun' in life. You know what I mean. The things a lot of young people do....fun with dating, just going out dancing, and clubbing, and 'hooking up' with guiys...

It may make things a bit harder finding someone not doing this, but if this is not you and you're being led not to do this, then it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing. This is not the only way to meet someone, and I personally would rather not meet someone in those situations. Remember, we are not to conform to the worldly standards and what society states is "okay." I'm going to go ahead and guess that most of us struggle with something to this effect at one time or another. You need to go do what you want to do, be who you want to be--not what other young people are telling you.

I don't want any of that. I really want/ed to find a man early in life and just get married, without having to go through the whole proscess of dating several men before I find my husband- if I get married.

One thing I learned is that it's a waste of a heck of a lot of energy planning your life. I think when we do that, we're just fighting against God's plan. There's no timeline on what you should or should not be doing. This takes a lot of work on your part if you're struggling with this and what the world is trying to tell you. I had my whole life planned out at one point, too. I did all that planning and I'm nowhere near where I thought I should be at my age. I've given up on the struggle and turned it over to God. I believe once you do that, you won't be so stressed on doing what it is you think you need to be doing.

I know I'm only 19, but I don't feel 19. I seriously don't. I'm already tired of dating. I've had enough.

Then take some time off of it. Work on your relationship with God. No one says you have to date now. If people have issues with it, that's their problem--not yours. Maybe you already know in your heart what you should be doing, but you're struggling with the fact that you think you should be dating, have a steady beau or planning a wedding.

 

[Ps28:7]

hey i'm gonna keep mine short and sweet cuz i've gotta get to class soon.
so i am younger than you but i see where you're coming from, i have been reading a couple of books lately and one that i think would apply to what you're talking about would be 'when God writes your love story' by eric and leslie ludy, this talks about giving God the pen of your love life. you said that you were afraid of what might happen in your marriage life, hey stuff will happen but if it alll revolves around God and the relationship is glorifying God you and your spouse will be able to handle the problems that may arise, and while you are single fall in love with God, your Maker who loves you more than any guy could ever dream of loving you and knows you more than you know yourself...yes some ppl are called to be single and you may not even know it but spend your time focusing on God and don't worry about tomorrow because God already knows whats gonna happen, He knows your end from your beginning, as for me i have never dated and i am just now entering into a college atmosphere and i know that God has plans for me and my life and i am waiting a year before i even start to date or thinking about getting into a relationship(that's just me and a friend tho something we've decided would be in our best interest and glorifying God) and i hope this was encouraging and if you haven't you should read that book it is truly awesome, and don't try to be like others or follow other ppls example seek God and He will lead you down the right path-whether to marry or stay single...well i have to go or i'll be late, but i'll be praying for you
God bless you
~hot4christ~

 

[invisiblebabe]

Perfect love casts away all fear.

I pray that when you find *that* man, that your love will be so strong for each other and enduring that fear will be but a distant memory.

I pray the same thing for myself too