Is marriage worth it?

[darktipper]

Is it? I think people can save themselves from serious heartache and pain if they don't get married. I find it funny when people try to force people to get married then want them to get over a bad breakup as if it is easy.... I have thought about this and see no point......

Also I can't see myself getting married either. I think that I would get cheated on so I would rather be alone. Is that the right choice?

 

[grasping the after wind]

No it is not. That is why one should shun marriage unless they have no other alternative. If you cannot live without matrimony then you should marry. Otherwise avoid it.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I can't tell you what the right choice for you is, but marriage has been very much worth it for us.

 

[JRSut1000]

Marriage IS worth it! I'm a huge marriage advocate. Yes, there are annoyances and yes the other person is going to let you down sometimes, but you know what? You'll do the same sometimes as well. It's a part of any human relationship, but it certainly doesnt outweigh the good. Assuming/fearing cheating certainly isnt the way to enter into a marriage, yikes! Marriage is because two people love each other and want to commit to spending the rest of their lives together. When God is in it, I can guarantee it is worth it.

My husband and I have been through difficulties from separation (no, not that kind - physical separation due to work travels), miscarriage, moving, and multiple pregnancies. It's a lot of emotions, it's a lot of challenges, and there is some heartache but I'm so glad to have know that I've been going through these things not alone but with the one I love. I wouldnt have it any other way.

Opening ourselves up to any relationship is always going to mean some 'risk', but it's better than being alone and mistrusting of people. God made people to be with people, to fellowship with one another. Marriage is one of the most beautiful, deep relationships there can be.

 

[JaneFW]

Is it? I think people can save themselves from serious heartache and pain if they don't get married. I find it funny when people try to force people to get married then want them to get over a bad breakup as if it is easy.... I have thought about this and see no point......

Also I can't see myself getting married either. I think that I would get cheated on so I would rather be alone. Is that the right choice?

Nobody should be "forcing" anyone to marry. That wouldn't be a true marriage.

I'm on the fence for this one. There are tremendous benefits to being married, and having children has been - for me - the most amazing experience of my life. It has also been one of the toughest. So, if you want children, you should be married, because raising children alone is twice as hard in most circumstances (obviously there are exceptions to the rule.)

I guess my only thing to say would be to be extremely, extremely careful about choosing your marriage partner. You should get to know them over a very long period of time, go to pre-marital counseling, and create an environment of openness where everything can be discussed. Even then, there are no guarantees, but it helps.

It does take a lot of patience, prayer and hard work to maintain a marriage, so if you want an easy life - yeah, don't get married.

 

[JRSut1000]

I agree with Jane that one should be very careful about choosing their marriage partner as well. So many people get married thinking it will make them happy and if those expectations differ and things get difficult, then they wonder 'maybe I shouldnt have done this, maybe this isnt the right person'. Marriage IS supposed to be wonderful and a good marriage often means happiness is a part of it, but happiness is not a matter of chance but of hard work on both parts.

As for pre-marital counseling and taking a loooong time to get to know one's potential life partner, my husband and I knew we were meant to be together and its wasnt a loong long time. And even when times get tough (they do and they will), we dont doubt that God's hand was guiding our relationship and our marriage.

 

[Puptart]

Is it?

Sure it is.. Though it may only be as "worth it" as you make it out to be. You get only what both parties put into it. Marriage is worth it when you've found the right partner who will be working with you (rather than against you) toward positive goals for the rest of your life.

If you go into a relationship thinking "This isn't worth it" you will be doomed from the start.

Also I can't see myself getting married either. I think that I would get cheated on so I would rather be alone.

There's an old saying about how we all "create our own reality" -- it means if you go into something with negative thoughts you will eventually somehow end up making your worst nightmares come true. I would suggest that before you would consider marriage, or any long-term relationship, you consider taking a hard look, and perhaps even changing, your attitude here.

Get married if you want to get married, don't if you don't. No matter what your choice, remember to be happy. Life is not as complex as it may seem.

 

[LinkH]

Is it? I think people can save themselves from serious heartache and pain if they don't get married. I find it funny when people try to force people to get married then want them to get over a bad breakup as if it is easy.... I have thought about this and see no point......

Also I can't see myself getting married either. I think that I would get cheated on so I would rather be alone. Is that the right choice?

If you can go without the sex and companionship that goes along (or should go along) with marriage, and you want to devote the time and energy you should spend on pleasing a spouse on pleasing the Lord, go for it. From what Paul wrote in I Corinthians 7, it would seem that is actually a higher calling. It worked well for Paul who didn't have to worry about a wife and children while he was preaching from place to place, getting beaten up and persecuted.

Paul says of marriage and celibacy that we have all received our gift from God one after this manner and another after that. Some people are gifted to be married, and others gifted to celibacy.

I don't think fear of getting hurt is a good reason to make the decision between marriage and celibacy. You've probably seen a lot of people get hurt. for me, marriage is a wonderful thing. I am so happy I got married. I knew I was designed for marriage after considering myself in light of I Corinthians 7.

There are several ways to help prevent getting cheated on and divorced. One of the keys is to find a believer with strong convictions who fears the Lord. You need to be that way yourself, and pleasing the Lord has to be a strong priority for you. In my case, I found a virgin. I was one myself, too. I suppose one could be a virgin and a porn addict, or a virgin with a dirty mind. That is something to check for. If you sense the woman you date is ready to jump into bed with you, that might not be a good sign about her sexual morality and self-control after marriage. Of course, a long close relationship can bring temptations, too, and you need to guard against putting her into temptation.

It is also important that your future wife hold to Biblical values and hold the scriptures in high regard. On another forum here, posters held to a wide range of views on whether it was acceptable to act as an 'abuser of themselves with mankind'. One thing most people agreed on is that a different view on this could be a 'dealbreaker.' If a potential spouse lets her thinking be framed by the world and isn't teachable when shown from scripture what the truth is, that attitude can make it difficult to go in the same direction when you are seeking to serve the Lord later in marriage.

Proverbs 31:20
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Single men may gravitate toward women they find physically attractive, who have charming personalities. I wouldn't say there is no place for physical attraction. But the main thing is that she fears the Lord.

If a woman has a really low regard for the word of God and lets her thinking be framed by the world, then it could be hard for her to accept the Biblical role of the wife as laid out in scripture, at least if she is from North American or certain European cultures. This can cause trouble in marriage if you are trying to take up your Biblical role as head in the marriage. It makes it hard to serve the Lord in unity. If she allows her thinking to be molded by the world rather than by what God has revealed, then she may accept worldly attitudes about divorce and remarriage. She could decide to divorce because she is not content, over disagreements about money, or a million other things for which she should stick around work through it.

In my case, I was living in Asia when I met my wife. I was talking to a graduate student yesterday who was talking to a friend about how bad marriage was and how he didn't want to get married. As a married man, I took issue with what he said. I told him marriage was great. We started talking. He was concerned about high divorce rates, and he had written some kind of cynical article in a newspaper saying countries where women had a lot of power, like Sweden and the US, had high divorce rates because women did not know what they want, and thought it was okay to marry an Asian woman. He was an atheist and a fornicator, apparently.

There are plenty of godly women in the US, even women who hold to Biblical values, and there are even some virgins left, I suppose. And unmarried women who have repented who would make loving wives. I lived for many years in Indonesia, and it seems like women are much more likely to be virgins until marriage, even if it means waiting into their 30's, than here. I don't talk to women about that, generally, but that does seem to be the case and the expectation, and my wife who is from there gets that impression from talking to people. Some of the cultures there have a lot of Christians, and a lot of the cultural values, like the roles of wives and husbands, the attitude about divorce, and a positive attitude about getting married and having kids-- seem to be very much in line with what the Bible teaches on these issues. If you are looking for a bride with certain values, you might find more women with these values in certain Asian cultures.

There are also bad aspects to Asian cultures like there are about our own. And people are people no matter where they are from. No matter what the cultural values, they can still act inconsistently with them. Marrying cross-culturally does present its own challenges. I was living there and learned my wife's language. After I got married, I certainly learned a lot more. I had to be involved with lots of in-laws and learn their customs to function there properly. This is more complicated if people are from a different culture. Language and culture also resulting in my wife having some different goals and expectations at times. But we also had so many values in common, and I really believe the Lord matched us up. I wouldn't say the cross-cultural issues have created more different expectations, conflicts, etc. than most monocultural couples in the US.

There is something else I'd like to share, but I'll leave it for another message.

 

[LinkH]

Another way to pick a good wife who may be unlikely to leave you or cause the problems you are concerned about is to have the Lord pick her out for you.

I was in Indonesia over Christmas, which is kind of a lonely time of year to be there. A missionary invited me over for dinner a few weeks before Christmas. He was from Georgia, and he knew a preacher at a church I went to from time to time. Anyway, he lived on a Bible college/seminary campus that was closed for Christmas break. He told me to drop by some time and have a look at the library, which had a lot of English Christian books.

Christmas is lonely, and during that time, I was really praying about my future wife. I won't go into details, but I didn't believe the Lord wanted me to date around until I found the woman I would marry, kind of a catch 22 in a way. I prayed that the Lord would send an angel before me to find a wife for me (see Isaac and Rebecca story) I prayed that if she were dating some other man, for the Lord to gently and mercifully break them up. So I was praying for a few months. I believe in February the Lord spoke to my heart that I would meet her that month.

So I visit that Bible college campus which was pretty close to where I was living, off a back street so that it wasn't visible from the main road, and went to the library. I got acquainted with a young man named Joel (Yoel?) there, and a few other people. I had a look at the library, which was full of English language Christian books on various topics.

I visited there one or two more times, and I was downstairs below the library in the room that served as a cafeteria. A couple of young women walked in. One was in a good mood and said, "Hi, sir" and walked by. I didn't hear this, but her friend said I was good looking, so she looked back at me before the stairs to the library. I was looking back at her.

Later, I'm sitting down with this fellow Philemon, whose playing the guitar. A young women, the woman who said, "Hi sir" walks nearby and senses the Lord tell her to speak with me. She says back, I am a shy Asian girl. I'm not supposed to approach men like that. So she sat down next to Philemon, whom she knew, and asked him if he knew a certain song, and if he could play it on the guitar. I spoke to her first, which made her more comfortable. She actually had a word of knowledge for me about my gifts and calling in the gift of teaching, that matched really well with what I believed the Lord was doing in my life.

It turns out I give her my number, but didn't ask for hers. We were going to discuss some ministry-related things.

I went home and prayed about whether this was the woman I was going to marry. She went home and wrote a prayer in her prayer journal, which she showed me after we got engaged, asking the Lord if it was His will 'give me to him, and him to me.'

Finally, after someone answering the phone kept intercepting the messages, I got the message with her phone number on it. I called and asked her about the word she got for me, and we talked. She told me later, she went off into a room jumping up and down praising the Lord after I called.

Later we figured out we'd met when she applied for a job at the school I worked for, worked for a day, and couldn't work there because it didn't fit with her class schedule. We'd just been introduced right before I ran off for a class. I'd seen her sitting in the office. We knew it was her because of the sticker on her briefcase, later. I remember thinking, "I wonder if the Lord will give me a woman that beautiful to be my wife." A couple of years later, He certainly did.

After we started talking on the phone and started praying and asking the Lord if this was the woman I should marry. I sensed the Lord speaking to my heart, "Yes." And eventually as I prayed this, "Yes. Why don't you believe me?" I remember we were talking about something and she was upset after our conversation. I prayed, and sense the Lord speaking to my heart about a scenario that happened to her in the past. The next conversation we had, she told me the story of that scenario that had happened to her, which kind of served as a confirmation.

Then there was the 'eyebrow vision.' A friend of mine said she'd seen a vision of my future wife. Now, I don't know about that, but it got me to praying. I came across that verse that said the secret things belong to the Lord, but the things that are revealed belong to US and OUR children forever. I said to the Lord if He'd revealed who my wife is, then doesn't it belong to US, which means, me too? And it's my future wife, not that other person's, so I asked to see her. Then, I had a kind of vision. Not the 3-D, smells, sound, etc. you-are-there type vision, but a picture in the mind kind of vision. I saw the portion of a woman's face that had her eye and eyebrow. It quickly zoomed out part of the way. I saw bushy eye-brows and a face that was a bit oily.

Later, when we were dating, I saw an old picture of her BEFORE she started plucking her eyebrows, and it sure seemed to be a match. At times, her face could get oily, though she's good about take care of all the kind of stuff. This wasn't the main thing for me, but it did seem to be a bit of a clue.

She had certain things that led her to believe we were to wed, too. She was broken-hearted before she met me, over a boyfriend she'd been dating, who, as it turned out, had other girlfriends he'd been dating. So that prayer about breaking her up with the guy she was dating had been answered. Joel had told her that the Lord could send her a husband from America, China, or anywhere in the world. Her other friend, just before she met me, had encouraged her as she was thinking about her old relationship before she met me. She told her that the Lord could send her a missionary, a foreigner, etc., to encourage her. (Some Indonesians consider it desirable to marry a foreigner, at least westerners.) My wife has actually attracted to foreigners and had prayed to marry one many years before. She apparently liked white guys with big noses and body hair. I fit the criteria.

I would have loved to have had prophetic confirmation on our relationship. I think we did, without people realizing what they were doing. That verse about the three-fold strand about your relationship with Christ was spoken by a couple of different people in the US, and then a prophetically gifted pastor spoke it over us when we returned to the US in his prayer when he prayed for us. But after I'd decided to propose and it was a settled matter for me, before I popped the question, an evangelist called us up after a meeting for prophetic ministry, and prophesied that we would go to many places and minister to many people, and various other things. That has been fulfilled already, hopefully not to the fullest extent. The implication of the prophecy was that we would be together for a long time. I took it as a confirmation of our marriage.

There are various other confirmations on my wife's side of the experience. Anyway, my point is that if you are concerned that you may get a bad wife who'll just give you grief and leave you, God can set you up with someone suitable. Whoever you marry will probably give you some grief. So will your kids if you have any. But you can have some grief as a single person, too.

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
(NIV)

 

[darktipper]

Another way to pick a good wife who may be unlikely to leave you or cause the problems you are concerned about is to have the Lord pick her out for you.

I was in Indonesia over Christmas, which is kind of a lonely time of year to be there. A missionary invited me over for dinner a few weeks before Christmas. He was from Georgia, and he knew a preacher at a church I went to from time to time. Anyway, he lived on a Bible college/seminary campus that was closed for Christmas break. He told me to drop by some time and have a look at the library, which had a lot of English Christian books.

Christmas is lonely, and during that time, I was really praying about my future wife. I won't go into details, but I didn't believe the Lord wanted me to date around until I found the woman I would marry, kind of a catch 22 in a way. I prayed that the Lord would send an angel before me to find a wife for me (see Isaac and Rebecca story) I prayed that if she were dating some other man, for the Lord to gently and mercifully break them up. So I was praying for a few months. I believe in February the Lord spoke to my heart that I would meet her that month.

So I visit that Bible college campus which was pretty close to where I was living, off a back street so that it wasn't visible from the main road, and went to the library. I got acquainted with a young man named Joel (Yoel?) there, and a few other people. I had a look at the library, which was full of English language Christian books on various topics.

I visited there one or two more times, and I was downstairs below the library in the room that served as a cafeteria. A couple of young women walked in. One was in a good mood and said, "Hi, sir" and walked by. I didn't hear this, but her friend said I was good looking, so she looked back at me before the stairs to the library. I was looking back at her.

Later, I'm sitting down with this fellow Philemon, whose playing the guitar. A young women, the woman who said, "Hi sir" walks nearby and senses the Lord tell her to speak with me. She says back, I am a shy Asian girl. I'm not supposed to approach men like that. So she sat down next to Philemon, whom she knew, and asked him if he knew a certain song, and if he could play it on the guitar. I spoke to her first, which made her more comfortable. She actually had a word of knowledge for me about my gifts and calling in the gift of teaching, that matched really well with what I believed the Lord was doing in my life.

It turns out I give her my number, but didn't ask for hers. We were going to discuss some ministry-related things.

I went home and prayed about whether this was the woman I was going to marry. She went home and wrote a prayer in her prayer journal, which she showed me after we got engaged, asking the Lord if it was His will 'give me to him, and him to me.'

Finally, after someone answering the phone kept intercepting the messages, I got the message with her phone number on it. I called and asked her about the word she got for me, and we talked. She told me later, she went off into a room jumping up and down praising the Lord after I called.

Later we figured out we'd met when she applied for a job at the school I worked for, worked for a day, and couldn't work there because it didn't fit with her class schedule. We'd just been introduced right before I ran off for a class. I'd seen her sitting in the office. We knew it was her because of the sticker on her briefcase, later. I remember thinking, "I wonder if the Lord will give me a woman that beautiful to be my wife." A couple of years later, He certainly did.

After we started talking on the phone and started praying and asking the Lord if this was the woman I should marry. I sensed the Lord speaking to my heart, "Yes." And eventually as I prayed this, "Yes. Why don't you believe me?" I remember we were talking about something and she was upset after our conversation. I prayed, and sense the Lord speaking to my heart about a scenario that happened to her in the past. The next conversation we had, she told me the story of that scenario that had happened to her, which kind of served as a confirmation.

Then there was the 'eyebrow vision.' A friend of mine said she'd seen a vision of my future wife. Now, I don't know about that, but it got me to praying. I came across that verse that said the secret things belong to the Lord, but the things that are revealed belong to US and OUR children forever. I said to the Lord if He'd revealed who my wife is, then doesn't it belong to US, which means, me too? And it's my future wife, not that other person's, so I asked to see her. Then, I had a kind of vision. Not the 3-D, smells, sound, etc. you-are-there type vision, but a picture in the mind kind of vision. I saw the portion of a woman's face that had her eye and eyebrow. It quickly zoomed out part of the way. I saw bushy eye-brows and a face that was a bit oily.

Later, when we were dating, I saw an old picture of her BEFORE she started plucking her eyebrows, and it sure seemed to be a match. At times, her face could get oily, though she's good about take care of all the kind of stuff. This wasn't the main thing for me, but it did seem to be a bit of a clue.

She had certain things that led her to believe we were to wed, too. She was broken-hearted before she met me, over a boyfriend she'd been dating, who, as it turned out, had other girlfriends he'd been dating. So that prayer about breaking her up with the guy she was dating had been answered. Joel had told her that the Lord could send her a husband from America, China, or anywhere in the world. Her other friend, just before she met me, had encouraged her as she was thinking about her old relationship before she met me. She told her that the Lord could send her a missionary, a foreigner, etc., to encourage her. (Some Indonesians consider it desirable to marry a foreigner, at least westerners.) My wife has actually attracted to foreigners and had prayed to marry one many years before. She apparently liked white guys with big noses and body hair. I fit the criteria.

I would have loved to have had prophetic confirmation on our relationship. I think we did, without people realizing what they were doing. That verse about the three-fold strand about your relationship with Christ was spoken by a couple of different people in the US, and then a prophetically gifted pastor spoke it over us when we returned to the US in his prayer when he prayed for us. But after I'd decided to propose and it was a settled matter for me, before I popped the question, an evangelist called us up after a meeting for prophetic ministry, and prophesied that we would go to many places and minister to many people, and various other things. That has been fulfilled already, hopefully not to the fullest extent. The implication of the prophecy was that we would be together for a long time. I took it as a confirmation of our marriage.

There are various other confirmations on my wife's side of the experience. Anyway, my point is that if you are concerned that you may get a bad wife who'll just give you grief and leave you, God can set you up with someone suitable. Whoever you marry will probably give you some grief. So will your kids if you have any. But you can have some grief as a single person, too.

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
(NIV)

I guess you got lucky God blessed you with her. I have seen tons of people try to pray for a mate and stuff and it never happens for them....

But in my case I would not want to get married due to being cheated on while dating etc.... I saw it as a waste of time for me. It lead to misery and too much stress to please the other person. Not going down that route again. I had a christian woman tell me that I was staying single for sinful reasons and I was selfish lol. She does not know that I help people all of the time. But you know how that goes. Nice/decent people get ran over.

 

[Puptart]

But in my case I would not want to get married due to being cheated on while dating etc.... I saw it as a waste of time for me. It lead to misery and too much stress to please the other person. Not going down that route again.

Then you've already made your decision and answered your own question, it seems.

[/thread]

 

[JRSut1000]

One cant afford to make general assumptions based on 1 or 2 life experiences. It's totally skewed and it doesnt show much faith in God's goodness.

 

[Sailor_A]

Is it? I think people can save themselves from serious heartache and pain if they don't get married. I find it funny when people try to force people to get married then want them to get over a bad breakup as if it is easy.... I have thought about this and see no point......

Also I can't see myself getting married either. I think that I would get cheated on so I would rather be alone. Is that the right choice?

You sound like myself before I got married. Truly I think it is generally better to stay single. This is however conditional. Do you desire to be married? You must have asked the question for a reason. Can you live a life without sex, without your own children, without that intimate company with a wife? If so I will not be advocating marriage for you. The bible never did. If you are denying yourself out of fear which is as it sounds well all I can share is my own experience.

For my own case being alone never filled me with dread or fear. I saw other married women and my friends in relationships and thought that it really did not seem worth it. They let another person ruin their life or they ruined the other person's life. The cut down someone else so that they could grow like a great tree overshadows and starves a plant and stops it from growing at all. This was not the kind of thing I wanted at all. My parents have a good relationship but I rarely saw others with a good relationship. Marriage is licence for some to treat their partner in a way one would think our conscience would dictate we should never treat another human being. They treat them like possessions or tools. Our neighbor treated her husband as a "tool". "Jim" was good for mending this around the house and bringing money home but not much else, she always showed much contempt for him. Meanwhile most of the avenue wives let their husbands or boyfriends (in the case where they cohabited) treat them worse than a skivvy. I saw this as worse because a person would at least pay a scullery maid.

Then there was the manipulative/patronizing type who tried to make their husband/wife feel happy about being treated as less than human. The victims sometimes had what I believe is called Stockholm syndrome. I attended a girls school, I met my fair share of friend's boyfriends that could encourage anyone to eternal celibacy but for some reason my friends were immune. They allowed themselves to be bought by kind words, gifts and platitudes by boys/men who just used them. By then the users just went to greener fields. It amazes me still there are people who will search far and wide for someone to manipulate/dominate/treat badly. They prey on those physically/economically/mentally weaker than themselves. Some will cross countries and I don't doubt some would have looked extra-terrestrially if the opportunity ever presented itself.

Then I met a man and I realized that it does not have to be like that. You do not have to place the world's limitations upon yourself. No matter how bad the world/people seem to be there are others trying to live righteously and who are also trying to love their neighbor. You can make your own set of rules and guidelines as a couple. It is rather exciting once you get over the fear of it. Still you recognize the two of you are humans, you make mistakes. Marriage is not a walk in the park but the companionship from another can more than make up for it. Know what you believe and the creator you believe in and let him show you the way. I thought I would never marry but there you go.

 

[dallasapple]

Brilliant post Sailor I admire your testimony.

Im pretty stumped myself..I feel like sometimes I YEARN to be alone..then again I have never NOT been with someone starting at a very ealry age and I made my life about it..

I guess what Im saying is I cant even for myself say if its "worth it or not' because I have never HAD the 'or not' part..Really except for very very young and even then I was "searching" for love in all the wrong places as the song goes and I was engaged by 17 and married by 20..and Im 44..

Besides the fact everyone is unique ...I really cant even comment like I said as far as myself becasue again I dont know the alternative in a way I could have any idea..the alternative is a dream..or a fantasy ..a completely different world I've never known..Most of the time I settle on I just wish I had TRIED the alternative and made a decsion to marry after I at least new the freedom of NOT having to constantly be concerned with this other person on a daily basis..its definately tiring..even the concept of wantign my needs met form him is exausting and quite frankly seems like a major disspointment....Id to be honest sometimes wish I didnt evne have any needs or desires that would make it a lot easier..the thought of getting a lobotomy has seemed like a relief lets put it that way...or electro shock..But STILL I cant say 'it isnt worth it" because how would I know..I was practically born married LOL!!Or at least thats what it feels like..

Dallas

 

[sdmsanjose]

Darktipper-OP
Is marriage worth it?

​

Is it? I think people can save themselves from serious heartache and pain if they don't get married. I find it funny when people try to force people to get married then want them to get over a bad breakup as if it is easy.... I have thought about this and see no point......

Also I can't see myself getting married either. I think that I would get cheated on so I would rather be alone. Is that the right choice?

In your case at this time you do not want the possibility of the pain of being cheated on even if there are some advantages to being married. You must be a little opened to marriage as you posted your thread.

You asked if being single is the right choice. Of course the single/marriage question is so dependant on the individuals involved as can be seen by the responses already made on this thread. However, I will give you my point of view which is going to be very general. First I want to comment on what has already been said.

Quote of SAILOR
I saw other married women and my friends in relationships and thought that it really did not seem worth it. They let another person ruin their life or they ruined the other person's life

I have seen the same thing that Sailor has seen. Actually my observation is slightly different than Sailor. The way I would word it is that some married people allow others the ability to damage their life; can’t recall that I have seen others ruin their life. Besides, in most cases if the other person is ruining your life you have a very good chance to change that in the USA.

If you have concluded that your life is going to be like what Sailor described in most of her post then I would say that you are definitely much better off remaining single.

Quote of JRSUT
When God is in it, I can guarantee it is worth it.
God made people to be with people, to fellowship with one another. Marriage is one of the most beautiful, deep relationships there can be

.

Here for me is a very optimistic view of marriage and it can be true. In fact I would like to add to JRSUT’s statement of “When God is in it, I can guarantee it is worth it.” I would add that every marriage that I have seen that is worth it had God in it. For those marriages that I saw that was not worth it, none had a committed heart and actions towards God on both partner’s part. JRSUT has given you one of the main ingredients in a successful marriage.

Quote of JANE
There are tremendous benefits to being married, and having children has been - for me - the most amazing experience of my life. It has also been one of the toughest. So, if you want children, you should be married, because raising children alone is twice as hard in most circumstances (obviously there are exceptions to the rule.)


It does take a lot of patience, prayer and hard work to maintain a marriage, so if you want an easy life - yeah, don't get married.

Jane has hit on the most life changing experiences in my married life. Having children can make life so worth living and is so touching in the spirit and emotions. Having children can also be a nightmare for some.

I would also say the same thing as Jane did except just a little different. Here is how I would say it

It does take a lot of patience, prayer and hard work to maintain a marriage, so if you want anlife that has a better chance of less trouble but not the potential to experience children with a father and a mother- yeah, don't get married.

Quote of Link
If you can go without the sex and companionship that goes along (or should go along) with marriage, and you want to devote the time and energy you should spend on pleasing a spouse on pleasing the Lord, go for it. From what Paul wrote in I Corinthians 7, it would seem that is actually a higher calling.

If your strongest ambition is to please God than Link is right on target. My pastor who is married and a great promoter of God’s word is married and has 5 children. His wife left him a few years ago for almost 2 years. I do not know why but I strongly believe that my pastor struggled to stay true to God and did stay true. I know for a fact that he encouraged us to remain faithful to God’s word and he was never bitter and always uplifting in that 2 year period. That is faith under fire to me! I have known my pastor since he was a young boy and if he had the gift of celibacy he would not have had the troubles that come with marriage. In my opinion what Link talked about is a HIGHER calling but is not very common.



My conclusion:
You are going to have troubles and suffering if you are single or married but in most cases you will have less trouble and suffering if you are single. You will forfeit having children being single unless you become a single mother in which case you may have financial difficulties and your child will be without a father or mother. By not giving your trust and love to someone you will miss the deeper warm emotions in life but you will also avoid the deeper pains.

DO NOT get married as long as you are questioning whether you should remain single or married. Never get married when you think that single would be better or even that single will be as good as marriage.


Go for the Marriage if:
If you want to have the possibility of having some one that will be by your side as you get older and someone that you can have a closer warmer intimate relationship with.

If you want the possibility of having children and having those children become the most rewarding experience in life.

If you want someone to add to your financial situation

Then those are possible advantages in marriage.

This is what I have observed in my 63 years of life and 42 years of marriage.

Stan

 

[dallasapple]

DO NOT get married as long as you are questioning whether you should remain single or married. Never get married when you think that single would be better or even that single will be as good as marriage.

At least some peopel know its an option and I agree..I never thought I WOULDNT get married it was a "life fact" for me I was taught as a girl.."when you grow up and get married and have your own kids" etc..wasnt "presented to me" as thier WAS an alternative..I had one aunt even that got marreid AFTER I did in her early 30' s and my grandmother felt 'sorry for her she didnt "have a husband"..

Gettign married for me was an "assumption" there wasnt a "choice" per say..No one said OR you can remain single..and even be happy and content that way..I do remember wanting to stall it..BIG time..And I made it to 20..LOL!!!(but engaged and with one child already)..

Dallas

 

[gracefulone1980]

Marriage is totally worth it, if you wait for the right one. I love being married. My husband is my best friend. We were best friends before and still are almost 9 years of marriage later.

I do see so many people getting married because they think they are supposed to and it rarely works out and they are not happy. I waited and I was picky. I wasn't going to marry just anybody. I had been in a few relationships and I knew what I didn't want. My husband was my friend first and I didn't even think of him in a romantic way for a long time and one day it just hit me. I knew he was who I wanted to marry and who God chose for me.

So, yes, I think marriage is certainly worth it. You sound very much like a friend of mine, he never wanted to get married or be 'tied down.' One day he met the right girl and 5 years later they are still happy. I always say, you know when you know. lol I hope that makes sense.

 

[darktipper]

People always ask me when are you getting married or why aren't I going out on dates etc.... I used to until I got flaked on and lied to constantly so I stopped. It wasn't like at the time my dream woman was going to show up lol. I had some women get mad at me for staying single. (I guess they wanted to date me or whatever but I stopped due to what will end up happening... me getting played over and over again). It is not the fear of commitment or tied down for me it is more about being dumped lol. I am a homebody anyways. Women would find me boring lol. Therefore I just keep to myself and call it a life. Sometimes I wonder if God is facepalming when he is looking at me....

 

[Puptart]

People always ask me when are you getting married or why aren't I going out on dates etc.... I used to until I got flaked on and lied to constantly so I stopped. It wasn't like at the time my dream woman was going to show up lol. I had some women get mad at me for staying single. (I guess they wanted to date me or whatever but I stopped due to what will end up happening... me getting played over and over again). It is not the fear of commitment or tied down for me it is more about being dumped lol. I am a homebody anyways. Women would find me boring lol. Therefore I just keep to myself and call it a life. Sometimes I wonder if God is facepalming when he is looking at me....

You sound like you have zero self-esteem. Everything you say is draped in negativity, especially when it concerns yourself. If I might be so blunt for just a moment, you sound as though you want us to all gather 'round and say "There, there" rather than actually listen to anyone's advice.. If you want to live like that, it's your choice, but you will get basically nowhere with that state of mind.

If you got into a relationship, could you get dumped? Sure. There's always that risk. If you got married, could it end in divorce? Life has no guarantees, so sure. If you walked out of your door today, could you get hit by a jet liner being piloted by panda bears? You know what, maybe.

My point is: Everything is possible to some degree. If you want to try to preempt everything in life by just not trying in the first place, then you may as well lock yourself in your house and never leave.

So you have two choices: Be miserable, curl up in a ball and keep saying "Woe is me, I'm so boring, no one will ever wanna date me, everyone will leave me"... or! You take a few risks, hold your head up high, say "I'm worth good things in life" and see where you get. If you get burned, you just brush it off and keep on going.

Your life, your choice. I've had to choose between these two things before.. I chose Option A for a lot of years, and wasted a lot of my young life. So even though it's your choice and not mine, let me give you a piece of advice from experience: Choose Option B.

 

[LinkH]

People always ask me when are you getting married or why aren't I going out on dates etc.... I used to until I got flaked on and lied to constantly so I stopped. It wasn't like at the time my dream woman was going to show up lol. I had some women get mad at me for staying single. (I guess they wanted to date me or whatever but I stopped due to what will end up happening... me getting played over and over again). It is not the fear of commitment or tied down for me it is more about being dumped lol. I am a homebody anyways. Women would find me boring lol. Therefore I just keep to myself and call it a life. Sometimes I wonder if God is facepalming when he is looking at me....

I was really tempted to make a wise crack about the Predator picture you have as your avatar, but I should refrain.

If you want to be celibate to please the Lord, that's great. But if you really want to marry and you have just given up hope because of a few bad experiences, that's pretty sad.

There are lots of women out there who want to find one man to marry and don't want to play dating games, like dating multiple men. If you want to marry, you need to find a godly woman with the right values, someone who wants a commitment, who values being faithful, who is also a good match for you. That means there is enough attraction between you for a relationship and your personalities have to click well enough. To marry a woman like this, you need to have the right kind of character yourself. You need to be serving the Lord whole-heartedly.

How do you find a woman serious about marriage? One thing that helps a woman be serious is if she reaches a certain age, and she has always wanted to marry, but it hasn't happened yet. A woman in her early 20's might not be serious yet, depending on the woman.

If I were single and looking for a wife in the US, I wouldn't want to get someone who holds to the general pop culture ideas about marriage, who gets her ideas of morals about marriage from TV, and supplements her thinking with a bit of church thrown in. I'd want someone who had a Biblical worldview when it comes to marriage. I also would want a woman with traditional values.

there are ways to get a wife without going through the US dating game. You could look for wives at churches that were kind of into Biblical patriarchy-- or maybe an ex-Amish girl. These are sub-cultures where young women are serious about marriage. The patriarchal girls are raised to get married. If she has 'kissed dating good-bye', and if a suitor gets permission from her dad, you may not have a lot of 'competition' since other men may be less likely to jump through the hoops. And if she's raised in this kind of subculture and embraces it, chances are, she won't have any boyfriends on the side. So you 'court' and if you like each other and win her and her family over, you marry. I hear some of these young women stay at their dad's house a long time. It's hard to find a suitor in our culture without dating, I guess. Maybe there are conferences for this sort of thing.

You could also marry a woman from a culture that uses either matchmakers for marriage partners or for dating. I met a man who wanted to marry. He met a Korean pastor who set him up with a woman from church who had never married. They were both middle-aged at the time. You'd still want someone who was a good match for you. If you go the matchmaker route, things can be rushed. I had a friend whose getting along in years and hasn't married yet, and a little research showed that there are Indian websites where marriage candidates, either male or female, or their parents, post pictures and profiles. You can search based on denomination or phrases like 'born again' if you choose 'Christian' as the caste. I don't know what they do if someone responds to one of these ads. My friend didn't seem to interested in the Indian website. Some posters were non-Indians. I hear that Indian parents interview a marriage candidates family and try to determine if the two are a suitable match. Doing this over the Internet without family on your side who are experienced with this helping you out might not work the same.

You may not want to be that extreme. I talked to a young Christian man this week who was single. I asked him if he had been dating anyone. It turns out he'd just started a relationship. He's a worship leader, and she works for a missions organization. He had asked one of his cousins if she knew anyone who might make a good wife for him, and she introduced him to this young woman. They had apparently hit it off. He said they'd spent four hours talking one night. I don't know how you meet women, but it might not be a bad idea if you know someone who really loves the Lord who knows a lot of people to pray for you about being single and ask if that person knows anyone. There are a lot of serious, quality, single women out there tired of guys who play games, who are looking for a serious, quality man who fears the Lord for marriage.

Of course, you could just do the dating thing where you just ask a young woman out, but reconsider how you are going about it. Do you have some kind of character or spiritual criteria a woman must meet before you ask her out? I did not date a lot, but I married well. I wanted a woman who was freakishly beautiful, of course, but mainly she had to really love God, and it was important to me for us to have certain beliefs in common.

I think prayer meetings are a good place to find potential marriage partners, btw. There are lots of activities like this. A lot of times, someone has to be pretty serious about serving the Lord to go to a meeting just for prayer. It's not the only place to find a woman who is serious about the Lord, but I still think its a good idea. Going to a prayer meeting doesn't guarantee that a woman will be a good wife, but it's a lot better idea than picking up a woman in a bar.

It could be that the Lord has this great woman picked out for you, but He could be working on some things in you before letting you two get married. So pray for the Lord to make you into the kind of man who would be an excellent husband.

I've been married for 13 years, and I can tell you, it's a good thing. Every couple will face difficulties, but it's a real blessing to be married.