Is It Wrong......?

[DiscipleOfIAm]

For a married spouse to look at another person of the opposite sex other than their spouse and think they are attractive or pretty? Is that lust? Not that the person would be looking and thinking they would love to see the other person naked or have an affair with them, no. They would just be noticing that that other person is attractive or has a nice shape, etc. I'm talking about seeing a stranger at the mall, or on tv, or at a restaurant, not someone you know.

 

[Redguard]

You can acknowledge to yourself that they're attractive. But that's where it should end.

Dwelling on it... creating fantasies... that's where things become troublesome.

 

[andiesmama]

You can acknowledge to yourself that they're attractive. But that's where it should end.

Dwelling on it... creating fantasies... that's where things become troublesome.

agree....I don't think personally there's nothing wrong with noticing someone that looks good, either with me or my husband. But if he or I kept bringing it up...well, THAT'S another story!!

 

[LiberatedChick]

You can acknowledge to yourself that they're attractive. But that's where it should end.

Dwelling on it... creating fantasies... that's where things become troublesome.

Yup I agree. It's one thing to think "hey they look nice"....another to think "I want to get that person into the sack".

 

[John 15:13]

You can acknowledge to yourself that they're attractive. But that's where it should end.

Dwelling on it... creating fantasies... that's where things become troublesome.

When I got married, I went blind...(not really but that's my mindset)

 

[karla]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with apprecaiting the beauty in other people. If starts to hinder your role as a husband or wife and turns into lustful thoughts, acts, etc. then it become wrong.

 

[LondonsBurning]

Recognizing the beauty of God's creation is not a sin.

Letting your thoughts wander in the gutter is.

 

[DiscipleOfIAm]

I was thinking the same things as you all are. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't doing anything wrong or lustful when everytime I saw an attractive person, I thought they were pretty or had a nice shape or whatever. I'm not fantasizing or continuing to think about them even 5 minutes later, just noticing.

I must be normal!

 

[heartnsoul]

When I got married, I went blind...(not really but that's my mindset)

LOL!! What a humorous comment. You are hilarious! I just love humor. It makes my day always!! Thank you for being funny.

I agree with all the posts here. I also don't see anything wrong with acknowledging someone of the opposite sex as being attractive. I, myself, will openly say to my husband, "that woman has such a beautiful face, hair, smile or whatever, etc..." I think appreciating beauty is natural and normal for human beings. After all, God created eyes for us. But I do agree that becoming lustful is wrong.

As we all become more spiritually mature in Christ, I believe that security in God is in the front seat while jealousy takes a back seat...because God will love us and never leave us.

 

[Zoomer]

There's nothing wrong with admiring someone's beauty, regardless of what sex they are. They are strikingly beautiful people out in the world, who you cannot help but look at. However, when you start fantazing about them or having lustful thoughts, that is a problem. If you can look without fantasizing then look. If you can't, then you shouldn't look.

 

[Johnnz]

Is it also wrong to say "That's a nice car you have?" (coveteousness?). "What nice children you have?" (Jealousy?)

Of course not. Beauty, (another's, nature, art etc) is derived from God. All beauty should be seen as an expression of God's character and evoke our appreciation.

John
NZ

 

[jan003]

There is a HUGE difference between "admiration" and lust.

It is okay to look but from personal experience I know that it often goes farther than that. I dress pretty conservatively/elegant but sometimes the looks that I get from men make me feel like I'm naked.

I absolutely hate it when I see married men or guys with girlfriends checking me out. Usually the first look is innocent but the second look is usually lustfull. I can tell by their eyes and body language what their motive is. Some guys aren't obvious but others are.

Whether out in public or at church, I sometimes see guys staring at me and it bothers me that their "women" look hurt but look the other way and say nothing. Instead I have to stand their feeling awkward and bad about myself as I'm being stared at. And the guys know what they are doing is wrong and sometimes they start blushing, fidgeting, take deep breaths and look away/look again. And there have been times when the "innocent" looking has led to other things...

I'm afraid that some men are going to start using "admiration" as an excuse to lust. Lust is NOT a weakness for every man, but for those that are easily tempted in that area they should avoid staring at women who aren't their wives. Most of the time the only innocent stares and compliments that I get are from women and gay men. I must admit that I've been that I been stared at and gushed over by more heterosexual women than men, esp. at church. But it's obvious that it's admiration.

I do agree that I man shouldn't feel bad about himself for noticing other women but please learn what you're limits are. And ladies, get to know your husband and his body language...so that you can detect if his lusting or not.

 

[ysl_75]

I agree with them, its alright to look at others but as long as they have no desire for it I guess its fine.

 

[Redguard]

I absolutely hate it when I see married men or guys with girlfriends checking me out.

Me too!!!!

I dress pretty conservatively/elegant but sometimes the looks that I get from men make me feel like I'm naked.

Usually the first look is innocent but the second look is usually lustfull. I can tell by their eyes and body language what their motive is. Some guys aren't obvious but others are.

Whether out in public or at church, I sometimes see guys staring at me and it bothers me that their "women" look hurt but look the other way and say nothing. Instead I have to stand their feeling awkward and bad about myself as I'm being stared at. And the guys know what they are doing is wrong and sometimes they start blushing, fidgeting, take deep breaths and look away/look again. And there have been times when the "innocent" looking has led to other things...

I'm afraid that some men are going to start using "admiration" as an excuse to lust. Lust is NOT a weakness for every man, but for those that are easily tempted in that area they should avoid staring at women who aren't their wives. Most of the time the only innocent stares and compliments that I get are from women and gay men. I must admit that I've been that I been stared at and gushed over by more heterosexual women than men, esp. at church. But it's obvious that it's admiration.

Wow... Would you mind posting a pic of yourself? I want to make sure that if I ever run into you, I turn around and start sprinting in the other direction... you know... just so you don't think I'm lusting after you.

 

[Avaya]

Well, I can look at another woman and appreciate her beauty so I guess in that light I can comfortably say that I can appreciate the good looks of a man. Sometimes you can't help what you see and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging the good points in the opposite sex. Like you said, it's not like you're fantasizing about them or anything.

 

[Avaya]

Wow... Would you mind posting a pic of yourself? I want to make sure that if I ever run into you, I turn around and start sprinting in the other direction... you know... just so you don't think I'm lusting after you.

ROTFLMBO!!!!!!!!!

 

[Soft Rains]

I can tell by their eyes and body language what their motive is. The guys know what they are doing is wrong and sometimes they start blushing, fidgeting, take deep breaths and look away/look again.

These are symptoms of a shy man feeling anxiety. This is not evidence of lust. I used to be a bit intimidated by women and didn't know where to look while with them. So, I behaved in the way you just described because I thought it was wrong to look and worried about what people might think if I did look. What polite Christian man wouldn't feel this way? Now, I openly and brazenly gawk at the parts I find interesting instead of being embarrassed.

I hope women take it as a compliment and are perhaps turned on by it. If a woman doesn't and, as you say, feels embarrassed and feels like they are naked -- well, I can't control how other people feel and I gotta be me.

 

[jan003]

Me too!!!!




Wow... Would you mind posting a pic of yourself? I want to make sure that if I ever run into you, I turn around and start sprinting in the other direction... you know... just so you don't think I'm lusting after you.

LOL...very funny. I'm sorry that I offended you, but I left out some details because this is a thread about lust and not sexual assault. The men that I was referring to starting off looking at me innocently but then said and attempted to other things to me.

 

[Redguard]

Oh no! I wasn't offended... just being playful... but not flirting! Definetely not flirting...




























































honest!

 

[jan003]

These are symptoms of a shy man feeling anxiety. This is not evidence of lust. I used to be a bit intimidated by women and didn't know where to look while with them. So, I behaved in the way you just described because I thought it was wrong to look and worried about what people might think if I did look. What polite Christian man wouldn't feel this way? Now, I openly and brazenly gawk at the parts I find interesting instead of being embarrassed.

I'm sorry...it looks like you misunderstood me too. But I didn't have time to go into great detail.

I guess I should have clarifed but I didn't say those were symptoms of LUST. In the cases, in which I was victimized that is how the men acted. But, some of my close guy friends used to act like that around me...but are they rapists? No...they happen to be very sweet gentlemen.

I'm not blaming all men for the way that I get treated. I recognize that it is my fault. I wear long skirts and loose business pants...so I dress appropiately but I ignored warning signs. Again in EACH situation the signs are VERY diferent. I don't have time to explain...but just think about the things that you would tell your daughters when they start dating.

Like I said in my first post there is nothing wrong with looking...you just have to know what your limits are.