Is it wrong to keep past sins a secret?

pickledcarrots · Jul 5, 2012

I've done things that I shouldn't have, things that I now really regret doing, yet I don't have the courage to actually admit some of these things to friends or family.

What really bothers me is when my mom always says how I've never done anything "serious", and then I get that guilty feeling. I don't do those things anymore, so shouldn't I not feel guilty?

The Bible says that we should confess our sins to each other to be healed, yet I'm not sure I can, at least not yet. Is this wrong?

CounselorForChrist · Jul 5, 2012

Most important thing to remember is confessing your sins to God and asking for forgivness. After that don't think about it anymore since it has been forgiven. It doens't mean we sometimes don't think about a past sin. But we should remember God tells us once we ask for forgivness to stop thinking about it because you should not feel guilty, Gods already forgiven it.

Now as for telling others about your sin. Thats a personal choice. I mean its good to come on here and say "Hey I have been doing a sin (or did a sin) and wanted advice on what to do!". But you don't actually have to, its not required. Its between you and God.

Obviously there are some exceptions to that like if you swore at someone, you shoudl ask them for forgivness. But no one has to know about every sin you did. For instance, if you lets say threw a rock at a cars window as it drove by on purpose to cause harm. You don't need to tell everyone you meet about that sin. Especially since its forgiven.

I will say if going into a relationship, its a mixed bag. Some say you should tell your mate about some sins others say not to. I believe you only need to tel them about sins you still commiting. Like if you had a drug addiction, you would tell them about it.

God's Special Angel · Jul 5, 2012

I think it depends if the "sins" involved your friends or family or not. It is healthy to be honest about things that you struggle with. It was healthful for me to go to a Christian counselor and just talk through what I was really struggling with and how to deal with my past.

I have realized that I need to be careful about who I talk about my sins and my past with. I have a very open relationship with my parents and my inlaws--they are very loving, and they are very wise with their advice about dealing with things in general. But I have regretted telling some of friends about some personal things, and it was more of a learning experience.

I also find that it is helpful to read good Christian self-help books. It just puts things in perspective and helps me to grow in my relationship with God.

And I think it is good to start with admitting your sins to God and to pray about telling other people.

iambren · Jul 5, 2012

I think most of us have done things we are ashamed of; I know some things I could take back. When mom puts you on a pedestal it's like "Well, Mom, I'm not THAT perfect" and let it go at that.

What's forgiven between God and you is ultimate and final. Some situations where there is deep Christian sharing I would ask--What is redemptive in sharing this?

Pal Handy · Jul 6, 2012

Apricot0194 said:
I've done things that I shouldn't have, things that I now really regret doing, yet I don't have the courage to actually admit some of these things to friends or family.

What really bothers me is when my mom always says how I've never done anything "serious", and then I get that guilty feeling. I don't do those things anymore, so shouldn't I not feel guilty?

The Bible says that we should confess our sins to each other to be healed, yet I'm not sure I can, at least not yet. Is this wrong?

If God forgives you in Christ, why do you want to bring up the past?

Lets take Saul who was capturing Christians and having them put to death
and so was he not a murderer?

And yet Jesus Christ appeared to Him and called him to be His Apostle and
yet Saul, who was now called Paul, was not punished for his murder of innocent
men who followed Christ.

Christ forgave Paul.
God forgave Paul in Christ.
Paul was in right standing before God.

I suppose that if someone wanted to prosecute Paul for his past crimes
it would have been possible if Paul turned himself in and demanded
that the Roman authorities try his case of murder against innocent
people but Paul never felt the promptings of God to re-atone for
his sins that had already been forgiven before God through Jesus Christ.

Perhaps you feel like you must pay for your sins.

If you are to truly pay for your sins in the eyes of God, then sentence
is death and eternal separation from God.

Is this what you want?

You can never atone or pay for your own sins unless you are willing
to reject God's love and His pardon for sin through Jesus Christ.

So what good does it do for you to drag up a past that God has forgiven
you for already in Jesus Christ?

Will you gain any more acceptance from God?
Will you feel like you have paid for your own sins and now you are forgiven?

It is a very slippery slope we enter when we begin to think that we
got off too easy when God in Christ atoned for our sins.

It is a very slippery slope when we feel like we need to prove our worthiness
before God by re-atoning for our sins.

God's love for you as expressed in Christ is enough to pardon, cover,
pay for, atone for and dismiss your sins from His remembrance
so why do you keep dragging them up?

Let them go and walk with God in love and dedicate the new life God
has given you in Christ to serving Him in love, obedience and following
Christ out of gratitude for His wonderful gift of salvation He has given you.

TheyCallMeDave · Jul 6, 2012

Apricot0194 said:
I've done things that I shouldn't have, things that I now really regret doing, yet I don't have the courage to actually admit some of these things to friends or family.

What really bothers me is when my mom always says how I've never done anything "serious", and then I get that guilty feeling. I don't do those things anymore, so shouldn't I not feel guilty?

The Bible says that we should confess our sins to each other to be healed, yet I'm not sure I can, at least not yet. Is this wrong?

We ALL regret sins we have done in our life, but, thank God thru Christ, that all of those ...everyone of them...is under his blood if we have recieved Christs sacrifice unto ourselves and are trusting in his sufficient atonement for them. You are not required to confess to others ALL of your sins if you dont wish to ...only to God in private . Your Parents or Friends dont need to know all the dirty on your past life before Christ or even after coming to Christ ... it is alright to simply admit that you have been a Sinner whos been totally forgiven of all your sins and that there are many. You get healed and an overcomer of your sins based on the finished work of Christ on your behalf and from YOU letting these sins go since Christ HAS dealt with them fully. You are totally set free from all of them and you need not revisit them ever again. God doesnt want you to beat yourself up about these because he is the God of second chances and he looks at you the same as he does his Son Jesus . If its good enough for God, then it should be good enough for us too. Just continue to give God all the glory and honor he deserves for his mercy and love for you where your sins are concerned, and, because you are considered a Child of the most high God forever now.

Holden Caulfield · Jul 6, 2012

xfreakazoidx said:
Most important thing to remember is confessing your sins to God and asking for forgivness. After that don't think about it anymore since it has been forgiven. It doens't mean we sometimes don't think about a past sin. But we should remember God tells us once we ask for forgivness to stop thinking about it because you should not feel guilty, Gods already forgiven it.

Now as for telling others about your sin. Thats a personal choice. I mean its good to come on here and say "Hey I have been doing a sin (or did a sin) and wanted advice on what to do!". But you don't actually have to, its not required. Its between you and God.

Obviously there are some exceptions to that like if you swore at someone, you shoudl ask them for forgivness. But no one has to know about every sin you did. For instance, if you lets say threw a rock at a cars window as it drove by on purpose to cause harm. You don't need to tell everyone you meet about that sin. Especially since its forgiven.

I will say if going into a relationship, its a mixed bag. Some say you should tell your mate about some sins others say not to. I believe you only need to tel them about sins you still commiting. Like if you had a drug addiction, you would tell them about it.

This is sage advice, I agree with what he's saying. As it says in the Scriptures we should confess our sins to one another, but like xfreakazoidx said I don't think we need to confess to everyone. In fact, I think in most cases it's best to confess with someone you're sure you can trust and hold your confession in confidence like a pastor, priest, elder, mentor or spiritual father/mother (assuming you have any of those in your life that you trust well enough to confess to). Unless you feel compelled to confess a sin against somebody in particular to that person (something that may have harmed them physically or emotionally).

In the end though, the forgiveness comes from Christ not necessarily through the act of admission to everyone in our lives.

IisJustMe · Jul 6, 2012

Apricot0194 said:
I've done things that I shouldn't have, things that I now really regret doing, yet I don't have the courage to actually admit some of these things to friends or family.

What really bothers me is when my mom always says how I've never done anything "serious", and then I get that guilty feeling. I don't do those things anymore, so shouldn't I not feel guilty?

The Bible says that we should confess our sins to each other to be healed, yet I'm not sure I can, at least not yet. Is this wrong?

Find one person -- one person only, someone you trust -- to spill the beans to about everything you've done in the past. You can even do as the 12-step programs call for, as in step four, taking a fearless moral (and financial) inventory, confessing these things to a trusted brother/sister in Christ (preferably same gender as yourself) and then, as you feel brave enough, to make amends to the people you have wronged as long as your confession will not bring more harm and hurt than if you remain silent. For example, if you must confess an affair to a spouse, it would probably be wise to consider if there is real need to make that confession or let God handle it and wipe the slate clean without that confession.

Just a few thoughts on the process.

Alive_Again · Jul 6, 2012

Just be led in what you do. God receives you and you are forgiven, if you've repented. Their is merit in confessing sins one to another, but some people are better off not knowing everything. Some sins would hurt others.

Often it's not relevant since you are a new creature, old things are passed away. Some cannot put the past behind them and the people you tell these things too might be some of those people. Use wisdom.

I received the friendship of one regardless of what their past was and they received me. Later they found out some things I did and held me to the fire for it. I had no idea someone so spiritual could be so carnal. If they were in their right mind, they would repent of this quickly because this means they are setting themselves to reap the same treatment.

Some things I wish that I had discussed, but others not. If you sinned against another and your conscience is bothering you and you feel led, you can share, but do it in a time when God leads. The enemy loves to remind people of where you've been, etc. and he doesn't need any ammunition to cause division.

You honor God more by turning your back on your past and identifying with what He's done for you, what He's doing for you, and how He paid the price for you to walk clean before Him.

PashNut4Jesus · Jul 6, 2012

Well, of all the advice here, you should pray to God and see what resonates.

As for me, I agree with some of the advice and disagree with others. Like you said, it is inescapable that the bible does say confess your sins one to another. James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. The confessing of sins to other people is not to receive forgiveness, but rather to heal your soul. When I first decided to dive off into the deep end of the pool with this, I was terrified. But when I obeyed, I discovered there were other people who did the same thing. Rather than feeling judged, I felt freed. Satan could no longer blackmail me with it. I agree with a previous person who said you should be wise who you share this with.

If it's an extramarital affair (I'm get the feeling you're not married), I believe that should be confessed. A person has the right to make their own choices with a fully informed position. I think most people who would rather not disclose this to a spouse are using an excuse if they say they don't want to hurt the other person. I rather believe they don't want to hurt themselves. When we betray God, He already knows, but He wants us to tell him. Why would a marital relationship be any different. The spouse will know anyway, because they will sense something is off in the spirit. The person who sinned will be bound in a spiritual prison fearing being found out. It is not right to live a lie and decide for another person that they will live a lie too. If a person's concern is really not to hurt the other, they shouldn't have an affair.

As for confessing everything to your parents, that depends on a number of factors. Like how old are you? If you are below 18 and still in their home, you probably should. If you fear abuse, then no. But you do need to confess your sin with at least one Godly, trustworthy person. The obedience will set you free, the accountability will help you too. You don't need judgement. You've already been convicted by the Spirit. And when you sin in the future, confess to God and your trustworthy friends, repent and let it go so you can embrace the next moment. No need to keep looking back. Remember Lot's wife? Didn't work out well for her.

paul1149 · Jul 6, 2012

If you look at Ps 51, you will see David, who had committed adultery and then had the husband killed, repenting saying, "Against Thee only have I sinned". You might think, "Oh, really, David??" But David knew that the chief offense is always against God. Once we get that dealt with, God can deal with the rest.

Of course, that is not to say there are no earthly consequences to our sin. But whether to confess or not depends on whether good will come out of it. Doing so might repair a relationship, or bring our own inner healing. But it also might to more harm than good.

And in some cases, past sins are simply no one else's business. You may be at an age where you are individuating from parents. There was a time when you were very accountable to them, but as you mature that will be less and less the case. If after a season of prayer on it, you do feel you should walk out Jam 5.16, you want to find the right person to do it with. That may or may not be your parents. Let the Lord's peace guide you. We are not under law, but grace. The letter kills, but the spirit gives life.

PashNut4Jesus · Jul 6, 2012

paul1149 said:
If you look at Ps 51, you will see David, who had committed adultery and then had the husband killed, repenting saying, "Against Thee only have I sinned". You might think, "Oh, really, David??" But David knew that the chief offense is always against God. Once we get that dealt with, God can deal with the rest.

Of course, that is not to say there are no earthly consequences to our sin. But whether to confess or not depends on whether good will come out of it. Doing so might repair a relationship, or bring our own inner healing. But it also might to more harm than good.

You have a lot of good wisdom and I really like reading your posts.

In pondering the bold type in your quote, is that scriptural? I don't think we necessarily need to tell every little thing we do, but for significant sin (thinking of the spirit rather than the letter), isn't it obedience? I'm inclined to think that using the rule "whether or not good comes out of it" is would be us trusting our thoughts more than His thoughts (Prov 3:5). Good comes out of obedience, although we might wind up with some scars. I'm thinking the wisdom would be in prayerfully thinking about who to talk to and timing, when to have the discussion.

Paul1149 said:
And in some cases, past sins are simply no one else's business. You may be at an age where you are individuating from parents. There was a time when you were very accountable to them, but as you mature that will be less and less the case. If after a season of prayer on it, you do feel you should walk out Jam 5.16, you want to find the right person to do it with. That may or may not be your parents. Let the Lord's peace guide you. We are not under law, but grace. The letter kills, but the spirit gives life.

Amen. Couldn't agree more.

paul1149 · Jul 6, 2012

Thanks.

I think it's a broad way to sum up what's involved. But as I suggested, conscience is involved in the determination, not mere comfort. If the sin is inconsequential, I would pray over it and drop it (see 1Jn 5.16ff). If it were more serious, it might have to be dealt with. For instance, recently the guy who abducted and killed Etan Patz voluntarily came forward after many decades. His conscience demanded it. And the Patz family benefited from knowing what really happened to their son.

On the other side, I once confessed a past failing to someone who I thought had a right to know, and it was casting pearls before swine. Nothing good that I'm aware of came of it, except that I learned greater caution on this subject.

PROPHECYKID · Jul 6, 2012

Apricot0194 said:
I've done things that I shouldn't have, things that I now really regret doing, yet I don't have the courage to actually admit some of these things to friends or family.

What really bothers me is when my mom always says how I've never done anything "serious", and then I get that guilty feeling. I don't do those things anymore, so shouldn't I not feel guilty?

The Bible says that we should confess our sins to each other to be healed, yet I'm not sure I can, at least not yet. Is this wrong?

Well the bible says to confess your faults one to another meaning that if you did something wrong against someone you should confess to them and ask them to forgive you. You are not required to confess anything to your mom unless it was a wrong against her. However, for your conscience sake, you should probably do it.

PashNut4Jesus · Jul 6, 2012

paul1149 said:
Thanks.

I think it's a broad way to sum up what's involved. But as I suggested, conscience is involved in the determination, not mere comfort. If the sin is inconsequential, I would pray over it and drop it (see 1Jn 5.16ff). If it were more serious, it might have to be dealt with. For instance, recently the guy who abducted and killed Etan Patz voluntarily came forward after many decades. His conscience demanded it. And the Patz family benefited from knowing what really happened to their son.

On the other side, I once confessed a past failing to someone who I thought had a right to know, and it was casting pearls before swine. Nothing good that I'm aware of came of it, except that I learned greater caution on this subject.

I can't imagine what the Patz family went through all those years! Makes me want to hug my babies tight and not let them out of my sight.

And I hear ya on the pearls before swine thing. I still think you did the right thing . . . their reaction is their responsibility. I don't mean to oversimplify what must have been very difficult for you, but that is a maxim that helps me decide what to do in that situation.

paul1149 · Jul 6, 2012

I still think you did the right thing . . . their reaction is their responsibility.

Yes, I thought of that too. In this case, if I had it to do over, I doubt I would say anything. But each case has to be dealt with individually. Abiding prayer, and following the Lord's peace, are my guides to informing a healthy conscience.

PashNut4Jesus · Jul 6, 2012

paul1149 said:
Yes, I thought of that too. In this case, if I had it to do over, I doubt I would say anything. But each case has to be dealt with individually. Abiding prayer, and following the Lord's peace, are my guides to informing a healthy conscience.

A2597 · Jul 6, 2012

From what you are describing...I would say no, not without a very clear reason to do so.

with one exception: Your future spouse / pre-marriage counselor.
He won't need details, and this isn't first date material. But if you see that the relationship is serious (Like, engagement possible serious) he has a right to know. And again, details are *not* needed, and really, should be avoided. Bare minimum needed to say what needs to be said.

But family? Friends? I don't see a reason to go there. If you need to talk about it, if you have a trusted mentor, that's the person to talk to now. Otherwise... nope. It's Between you and God.

Mairie · Jul 7, 2012

This is something I wondered about too for a long time, and I'm glad to see that everything everyone has said in this thread lines up with what God has shown me in the past while. I was living in sin for awhile, and this didn't effect anyone except me and the man I was involved with. My family still doesn't know, and I was confused as to whether to tell them or not for a long while. I realized that the decision I made, while a poor one, was made as an adult and God knows the hurt I suffered for it already without the rest of the world knowing. The grace and forgiveness God showed me was astounding, and I committed to not returning to that particular lifestyle. As a dear friend pointed out to me when I was sharing my conflict with her, "what's done is done, and you can't change the past, but you made things right with God and with the person who was involved..." It does seem rather pointless and silly to bring up unnecessary hurt by sharing your past mistakes with others, especially if they might judge you or think differently of you for who you were, when in reality you are a changed and different person in Christ.

A whole different conflict came up when I told a person I dated about my past sins. He took it much too seriously for someone I was just dating, and made me share every single detail with him at least 5 times while we dated. He did not take it well, and I realized after we (inevitably) broke up that it was seriously none of his business. Christ forgave me, I no longer wanted to live that lifestyle, and I was a new person. To tell someone my past mistakes and have them make me feel horrible for it over and over again because they weren't ok with hearing it was a pretty cruel blow. It's necessary to tell your mate these things, but if they can't see your committment to Christ and be able to say "what's done is done" and move on, there's a huge problem...

parsley · Jul 8, 2012

To tell someone my past mistakes and have them make me feel horrible for it over and over again because they weren't ok with hearing it was a pretty cruel blow.

Good point. It was probably a good indication of how restrictive or jealous he would be in the future, so turned out well for you in the long run.

I had a bf like that, and a church that promoted total openness and honesty, and I saw horrible results to random openness. I was amazed when the next bf said he didn't want to know about past relationships. We have now been married a long time, and my mind doesn't need to wander back to wondering if he still likes so-and-so.

Confess to the people that you have harmed. Make reparations to them, and leave others out of it. If you need wisdom in how to approach that and sort it out, then consult a counselor/pastor privately.

Sometimes the innocent are harmed when old sins are brought up again. Look at the whole situation and see how everyone will be impacted. Make every part of your life a ministry to God and others.

Look at it backward -- if you knew someone had been hurt and the offender had never shown repentance, you would be irate and avoid them until they earned trust and showed remorse. If you were that person who had wronged others, it would be easier to move on if you repaired the damage done.

Is it wrong to keep past sins a secret?

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