Is it wrong about sexual relationship?

[wolflady]

Hey everyone,

I want to know to mean about sexaul relationship. Is it wrong? How do it doing this? I still not understand a deep knowledge about sexual relationship.

What's a meaning on below?

Quote: "a sexual relationship IS NOT a friendship.
You cannot approach a man that you have an attraction
for and expect that he will be FRIENDS with you. It
doesnt work that way. That is why people GO ON A
DATE."
Christy

 

[TCapp]

Okay, I'll try to reply. First let me ask if you could give more context to the quote. What are some of the sentences that come before it, and what are some of the sentences that come after it? If I know more about this quote, maybe I could reply more fully.

As to sexual relationships, God intends it to be reserved for marriage. Sexual relationships outside of marriage can be dangerous because there might be an unexpected pregnancy, or disease, or heartache.

Sex has two purposes. One is making children, and the other is to promote spousal unity. It helps husband and wife become "one flesh", as described in the Bible. It is most satisfying in marriage, and there are rewards for waiting until married.

Does this help?

 

[Breetai]

I can say that there have been a couple of girls who I have had a sexual relationship with. They were girlfriends who became sexual partners with me. After breaking off the relationships, possibly due to my own serious view of sex, I felt betrayed by these girls. They were the ones to end the relationships. I could not help but to think that when they had new boyfriends, they would have sex with them too and then eventually move on to yet another relationship (usually the case, even with me). To this day I cannot have a good conversation with these girls and not feel a little sick, knowing how meaningless sex with them turned out to be. The sex was really only about self fullfillment of need, as opposed to giving yourself totally to that person. After a sexual relationship ends, I find it very hard to remain friends with a girl.

Sex should be viewed as a serious thing (especially to a Christian), not just a fullfillment of 'needs'. It should be saved until marriage. It was created by God and given to us as a gift to share with our spouse--nobody else. To have a sexual relationship with someone before marriage is to prevert God's Word. Two commandments are being broken. "You shall not commit adultery" and "You shall have no other Gods before me". By having sex outside of marriage, you are putting your own pleasures before God.

You cannot approach a man that you have an attraction
for and expect that he will be FRIENDS with you.

I disagree with that. I believe that it is best to become friends FIRST and then, if desired, persue a relationship. To base a relationship on sex before friendship is a sure way to find heartache. The purpose of dating should be to find a spouse, not to have a sexual partner. What find of a marriage would it be if sex came before friendship? Probably not nearly as stable as it would've been if friendship came first.

If a man (or a woman) cannot handle being friends first, even if there is a mutual attraction, then they are not worth your time.

 

[snotling]

I disagree with that. I believe that it is best to become friends FIRST and then, if desired, persue a relationship. To base a relationship on sex before friendship is a sure way to find heartache. The purpose of dating should be to find a spouse, not to have a sexual partner. What find of a marriage would it be if sex came before friendship? Probably not nearly as stable as it would've been if friendship came first.

If a man (or a woman) cannot handle being friends first, even if there is a mutual attraction, then they are not worth your time.

I think you missed the point completely. All that quote is saying is that when someone looks at someone and thinks they are attractive they do not think oh how great a friend they will make. They think how that person would look naked and how sex with that person will be like. It is saying nothing about what anyone should or shouldnt do. So you have no basis for disagreement.

As far as sex goes my belief is that everyone should do what they think is best, if you believe that you shouldn't have sex before marriage thats fine. If you believe that it is possible to have sex before marriage and enjoy the experience without unwanted pregnancy or disease then thats fine too. The only thing is to be careful.

As fas as heartache is concerned marriage makes little difference in that case, people feel heartache regardless of wheather they are married or unmarried.

 

[JillLars]

All that quote is saying is that when someone looks at someone and thinks they are attractive they do not think oh how great a friend they will make. They think how that person would look naked and how sex with that person will be like.

Wow. If that's what the quote meant, then I don't think its right. I can honestly say that I look at guys and think, "hmm, he's attractive" without ever wondering what he would be like in bed. I can admire people's physical appearances without automatically want to sleep with them, or wonder what it would be like. I might not think, "Oh, I want to be friends with that person", but that doesn't mean I couldn't pursue a friendship with a nice looking male, I have lots of nice looking male friends, and I don't care one bit what they look like naked.

 

[*Miau*]

Wow. If that's what the quote meant, then I don't think its right. I can honestly say that I look at guys and think, "hmm, he's attractive" without ever wondering what he would be like in bed. I can admire people's physical appearances without automatically want to sleep with them, or wonder what it would be like. I might not think, "Oh, I want to be friends with that person", but that doesn't mean I couldn't pursue a friendship with a nice looking male, I have lots of nice looking male friends, and I don't care one bit what they look like naked.

I agree with you JillLars - I don't look at a guy and wonder what he's like in bed, or what he looks like naked either... When I started "going out" with my boyfriend I had only seen a few pictures of him, and we had been very good friends for a long time, so physical attraction isn't everything!

 

[wolflady]

"I have been telling you that the reason why you keep
writing me is that you are attracted to me. Trying to
be 'friends' wont work for us because you and I are
attracted to each other. It is a irrational reason
built into our brains and bodies that cannot be
explained other than 'we are attracted'.

Young women and men get an idea about what it is like
to be in a relationship from romance novels and TV.
Yes, it is something like this, but you CANNOT gain a
real perspective of what it is REALLY like until you
EXPERIENCE it."

What's meaning? Most women attract the men when he asks her "do you marry me?" Men are not attract some women and they respect her.

I'm sorry, I am confused alot.

Christy

 

[DaveKerwin]

Christy, I am having difficulty understanding your questions.

A sexual relationship is when people are involved with each other sexually, whether they actually have intercourse, or do other things involving sex organs.

Men and women usually approach sex much differently. And attraction usually works different for men and women. Keep in mind that a sexual relationship should only exist with the person whom you are married to, all else is sin.

Does this clear anythign up? Maybe you can tell us what YOU think, and we can respond with what we think of that.

 

[wolflady]

A quote is not mine, but my date did explain his quote. He had his ideas, but he's christian. That's impossible.

Christy

 

[DaveKerwin]

I know the quote is not yours, but I do not know what you are asking. What are you asking? Is English your first language?

 

[Warrior Poet]

IMO i think that homeboy is thinking with *looks down* more then he is is brain. Though he reasoning my have good intentions....he is in the frame of mind that the basis is going to be on the attraction not the friendship, which I agree with. What I dont agree with is that he thinks we learn that stuff from media sources, anyone capable of thinking for themselves should know that what we see and hear on TV is muck. Experience is a key factor in learning no doubt but we have ideals of what a realtionship should be and we need to hold that ideal for ourselves once you compromise that i think bad things will tend to happen. The quoter sounds scared, he sounds as if he has or has had problems with a friend/romantic realtions in the past. Or it coulds be a very "beat around the bush" attempt at letting you down easy....either way....move on and move out.

Warrior Poet

 

[wolflady]

Warrior Post, What's that "IMO"? Let me know.

Christy

 

[wolflady]

I know the quote is not yours, but I do not know what you are asking. What are you asking? Is English your first language?

My first language is American sign language, but english as second langauge. That's quote is from my dating's email. He did write his email for me and he asks me on his ideas. A quote is not mine, but he write to explain me on his emails.

Christy

I ask a question for you, but I don't understand a meaning from his quote. I puzzled myself. I try to make sure. It's negative or positive! I don't want to be a loser!

 

[Warrior Poet]

Po"E"t its an E wolflady.

IMO= In my opinion

I would say overall its negative....what your date said to you.

Warrior Poet

 

[wolflady]

Warrior Poet, Yeah, my date did say to me on his email. Yep!

Christy

 

[Breetai]

Well, I don't think you're a loser!

Maybe I went off into a bit of a tangent in my first post ...

Anyway, let me get this straight. You are dating a deaf person, so you are corresponding by e-mail and/or by letters? And this is what he said?:

A sexual relationship IS NOT a friendship.
You cannot approach a man that you have an attraction
for and expect that he will be FRIENDS with you. It
doesnt work that way. That is why people GO ON A
DATE.

I have been telling you that the reason why you keep
writing me is that you are attracted to me. Trying to
be 'friends' wont work for us because you and I are
attracted to each other. It is a irrational reason
built into our brains and bodies that cannot be
explained other than 'we are attracted.

Young women and men get an idea about what it is like
to be in a relationship from romance novels and TV.
Yes, it is something like this, but you CANNOT gain a
real perspective of what it is REALLY like until you
EXPERIENCE it.

If the situation is as I described it, then I think that he is trying to put you into the mindset of wanting to experience a sexual relationship. He is telling you that you are attracted to him so that you really do think that you are. In other words....he wants to have sex with you.

That is what I think.

 

[wolflady]

No, he is not deaf person, but he's a hearing person.

Christy

 

[Breetai]

if you believe that you shouldn't have sex before marriage thats fine.

*sigh*

im not a big fan of religion in general purely because i do not like the whole set of rules and guidelines which i must live by. As far as god goes i am purely agnostic.

Snotling, you have a Christian symobol beside your name, but you give un-Christian advice and even say that you are a non-Christian in your other posts. No, agnosticism is not Christianity. Please no not give your non-Christian views of God's Laws under a Christian banner. It is deceiving.

 

[Breetai]

...and you, Christy, are deaf? Is that right?

*edited*

Nevermind, I just read your biography.

 

[wolflady]

Yeah, i am deaf when i born deaf.

Christy