• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

Is it too soon?

Status
Not open for further replies.

wanttoknow

New Member
Aug 20, 2006
2
0
✟22,612.00
Faith
Christian
I would really value advice. I have met a wonderful man and he seems very keen to get to know me as more than just a regular friend.
He has been very recently widowed....had a very happy marriage for 28 years and loved his wife very very much.
She was sick for several years and very sick for the last 6 months, and before she died she talked to him about her desire for him to be re-married, and encouraged him in it.
The thing im concerned for him about is that she only died afew months ago.
We have talked very openly about everything, he has assured me that he isnt transferring his feelings through grief and missing her, onto me and see's me as an entirely seperate issue.
I am the one who is saying he needs time.
I feel very attracted to him and think he is an amzing person, and really want to do the right thing,for him and for me and for God.
I would really value any advice.
 

ComesoonmyLORD

I've been delivered and Redeemed!
Jun 22, 2006
236
13
North Mississippi
✟15,431.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
As a recent widower myself, 6 months now, I can give you my opinion (for what that's worth). My Ginger and I were married for 10 years, far short of the 28 that your friend was married. For me it's been hardest not having her by my side, to love, to hold, to nuture, to grow together in God's wonderful plan for US as a christian man and wife. I find myself talking to her like she was still here with me. I know that she is indeed with me in spirit, but it looks a little strange when someone see's your lips moving and your alone in the car (ha). After 6 months I would a little hesitate in a serious relationship. Not that I wouldn't think about it, but I would probably be more careful. I'm not 100% sure my feelings are really straightened out yet so I wouldn't want to impose something onto someone else. I guess I'm saying to just take your time, don't rush things. If it's God's will, it will happen.
 
Upvote 0

Hisbygrace

Carried On The Wings Of An Eagle
Sep 22, 2004
120,388
6,418
74
California
✟165,918.00
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Politics
US-Democrat
I agree that if it's God's will it will happen. I have been widowed for 4 years now and have just entered into a relationship with a long time friend.
But I have known people that have remarried in 6 months or less and have gone on to have lasting and wonderful relationships. I would suggest that you both pray for God's wisdom on which path to follow.
 
Upvote 0

Mermaid

Newbie
Sep 21, 2006
8
0
69
✟22,618.00
Faith
Christian
I would really value advice. I have met a wonderful man and he seems very keen to get to know me as more than just a regular friend.
He has been very recently widowed....had a very happy marriage for 28 years and loved his wife very very much.
She was sick for several years and very sick for the last 6 months, and before she died she talked to him about her desire for him to be re-married, and encouraged him in it.
The thing im concerned for him about is that she only died afew months ago.
We have talked very openly about everything, he has assured me that he isnt transferring his feelings through grief and missing her, onto me and see's me as an entirely seperate issue.
I am the one who is saying he needs time.
I feel very attracted to him and think he is an amzing person, and really want to do the right thing,for him and for me and for God.
I would really value any advice.
Jesus said: “I will turn their mourning into gladness, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice after their sorrow.” He goes on to say: “I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow.” “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
A wife is bound to her husband (or visa versa) as long as he lives. If the husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
God has turned your new love's mourning into gladness; giving him the ability to love again. God has turned his grief into joy. God showed him His grace and mercy and released his love for his wife, freeing him to love again.
The time has passed for him to mourn. God turned his morning into gladness. He blessed him by putting you, his new love, in his path, and drawing you closer together each day after that. He blessed you both by your love for each other, and I believe He will continue to bless you in your future together.
There is a time for mourning and sadness. God has brought your partner out of his time of mourning and put gladness in his heart. You need to rejoice in the Lord and thank Him everyday for bringing this man into your life.
God's blessings to you both.
 
Upvote 0
Oct 1, 2006
68
3
69
Brocklesby NSW Australia
✟22,703.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Politics
CA-NDP
Hello ComesoonmyLORD,

My husband passed away 5 months ago from brain cancer. I can emphathize and understand totally of what you say in your post.

My husband was a quiet, soft spoken, gentle natured man. He had a lot of compassion and caring for others, this made it very easy for me to submit to him, and respect him as headship over me. I miss the example he set for me, and the teachings I gained from his example. He was a true man of God; my soul mate and blessing from God. He was truly at peace with God.

He was a very patient listenter, because of this, I found it easy to share my inner most feelings with him, and in return, listen to him while he shared his insite and understanding with me. He was one of those rare men who was in touch with his 'feminine' side. The support he showed me was total devotion in all areas, good, or not so good. He was always there for me when I needed someone...... just to be there, to cuddle, a shoulder to cry on or a loving hug..........this I miss very much.

I rely on God's timing in my life because I know it is the best possible for any situation and that only He knows what my needs and desires are, and what's best for me. In His time, He will full fill all of our needs and desires, if we let Him. God turned my morning into gladness.

The short season of only 4 1/2 years has ended for my husband and myself. My husband's journey on earth is over. Now, he must begin a new season as he goes forward to the new journey with God, our Father in Heaven. The Lord has also opened a new door in my journey through life. In faith, I am stepping through that door, trusting God to guide and direct each step I take. At this point in time, I feel I am ready to meet someone and start a close friendship with him, but only friendship at this point. Anything more, I know I'm not ready for.

I understand I need to go through, and deal with the emotions and feelings that come our way during the first year of grieving and mourning, especially when going through the milestones. (One of which is coming up on Nov 10, our 5th Wedding Anniversary.) These are life’s expected “hurdles” that are important to overcome before even considering a relationship other than friendship. I need to give myself time to get past them. Each mildstone needs to be delt with differently, so I need to deal with them, cope with them and heal from them. I also need to deal with the affects all of this has had on my life in the same way.

As long as we put God first and foremost in our lives, following Him in all that we do, He will be faithful just and true to us. We need to remember that our timing is not the same as God’s. We have no way of knowing when one season is going to end and the next one will begin. God will let us know when the time is right for us to open the next door. In the meanwhile, we must wait patiently for His instruction. Step by step He will lead us, as we patiently wait for His calling.

I believe God has appointed each event that happens in our lives in accordance with His purposes and will in the plan He has mapped out for our lives from before we were born. He gives these events to us when He feels the time is right for them to take place. All of life's events are a part of life's journey that God has included in the plan He has recorded for our lives since the beginning of time. Throughout our daily walk with Him, this plan will evolve, and all will be revealed to us in God's time.

I also feel it is important to deal with the process of mourning, grieving and then healing properly, completely, to allow myself enough time to work through each milestone as it comes. I need to do this so I don’t come across any major problems in the future, or bring any problems of this nature into a relationship. This, in the long run, can only strengthen any relationship our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ leads me into. I've left all this in the hands of our Lord, and in His time, He will introduce me to my 2nd soul-mate, the one He has chosen for me, and I for him. Until then, I will wait patiently on the Lord.....all in His time.
 
Upvote 0

ComesoonmyLORD

I've been delivered and Redeemed!
Jun 22, 2006
236
13
North Mississippi
✟15,431.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
BornoftheSpirit- Amen sister. I couldn't have said it better myself. His time is our True time. I'm so glad to see the strength in your faith. I discover each day I'm getting stronger and stronger and there's no doubt that He uplifts me daily and sometimes hourly.

I carry in my pocket a small plastic box that contains a single piece of a jigsaw puzzle. I like to use it as a conversation piece. A typical conversation goes something like this. Can you look at this single piece of puzzle and describe the whole picture to me? Of course the response is "No". Now imagine that this single piece of puzzle represents one day, one month, or even one year of your life. In the present tense we have no way of knowing the purpose of this single piece of puzzle. But you see God painted the picture, cut out each piece. He knows what the significance of this simple single puzzle piece represents. Now we must trust that God's plan is perfect and that no matter what trials of life we experiece, they have a purpose, a reason. He builds His children for a battle against pricipalities, against forces so strong we could never have a chance of succeeding on our own, but we are not alone, for He has promised to be with us. You see we have already won the battle. That's where we hear the challenging word "Faith". Our faith must be in His perfect plan for us in our lives, in His faithfulness to us to keep the promises that He has promised us. I often think, "Oh yeah of little faith", and it reminds me of sinful man and what sin has and is doing to the world. Satan and his angels are a powerful foe, but we're on the winning team.
Ok, enough preaching. I agree that things will happen in His time, that a new relationship might be in my plan, but like you I hold to His unchanging hand and patiently wait and follow. His will be done!
 
Upvote 0
Oct 1, 2006
68
3
69
Brocklesby NSW Australia
✟22,703.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Politics
CA-NDP
BornoftheSpirit- Amen sister. I couldn't have said it better myself. His time is our True time. I'm so glad to see the strength in your faith. I discover each day I'm getting stronger and stronger and there's no doubt that He uplifts me daily and sometimes hourly.

I carry in my pocket a small plastic box that contains a single piece of a jigsaw puzzle. I like to use it as a conversation piece. A typical conversation goes something like this. Can you look at this single piece of puzzle and describe the whole picture to me? Of course the response is "No". Now imagine that this single piece of puzzle represents one day, one month, or even one year of your life. In the present tense we have no way of knowing the purpose of this single piece of puzzle. But you see God painted the picture, cut out each piece. He knows what the significance of this simple single puzzle piece represents. Now we must trust that God's plan is perfect and that no matter what trials of life we experiece, they have a purpose, a reason. He builds His children for a battle against pricipalities, against forces so strong we could never have a chance of succeeding on our own, but we are not alone, for He has promised to be with us. You see we have already won the battle. That's where we hear the challenging word "Faith". Our faith must be in His perfect plan for us in our lives, in His faithfulness to us to keep the promises that He has promised us. I often think, "Oh yeah of little faith", and it reminds me of sinful man and what sin has and is doing to the world. Satan and his angels are a powerful foe, but we're on the winning team.
Ok, enough preaching. I agree that things will happen in His time, that a new relationship might be in my plan, but like you I hold to His unchanging hand and patiently wait and follow. His will be done!
Hello ComesoonmyLORD,

This is the description I see for your puzzle piece. Your puzzle piece symbolizes each season you go through in your life. The entire puzzle is symbolic of God's plan for your life. There are many pieces in one puzzle. In faith, step by step, and in obedience to God, you walk down the path God has chosen for you. Piece by piece God fits the puzzle pieces together as you go through each season in your life. Finally, when all the pieces are fit together, we see the craftsmanship of the Potter. We see our lives as God has molded and shaped them for us. We see the straight and narrow path, and walk down it. Each step we take down God's chosen path, is a step of faith. Each time we take a step, God enables us to see more and more clearly the person who He has molded us into - who we are in Jesus Christ, and our responsibilities regarding the edification of the church and glorification of God. In obedience to God, we chose to yield to our old ways, and instead, chose to take on the characteristics of Christ. By allowing God to work through us, these characteristics now become magnified and the glory of God shines through us like a beacon for all to see. We begin to understand what God has called us to do, and in obedience to God, we continue down that path.

I believe God has given me this word for you. I feel in my spirit God saying He has given you a brand new life made out of brand new puzzle pieces - puzzle pieces that have never been marred or used before. Through faith you accepted those puzzle pieces, which represent each season in God's plan for your life, and you started on a new journey. You stepped out in faith and started down the path our Lord has mapped out for you. If you continue down God's chosen path, our Father in Heaven will paint a far more beautiful picture than the first, and you will see it unfold, giving praise, glory and honor to God all the way through your walk with Him. This is God's blessing to you.

I describe my life, my dreams and my hopes as a stained glass window. After my husband died, my stained glass window shattered, and all the pieces went crashing to the floor and scattered. All our hopes and dreams we had built together as husband and wife, our life together as a Christian couple, and (what we thought) God's wonderful plan He had for us as a Christian husband and wife had been shattered all around me and I didn't know how to put the pieces back together.

When I allowed God to put the pieces of my life back together, He showed me that it was not the same stained glass window that had just shattered beneath my feet. He was not going to use the same shattered pieces of the stained glass window of my life to piece my life back together. Instead, He gave me a new life, a new beginning in the plan He has chosen for me. He has chosen to use brand new pieces of stainded glass that have never been shattered before, and from them, build an even more beautiful stained glass window for my life.

Just thought you'd like to know, I really feel a spiritual connection with you - kindred spirits.
 
Upvote 0
Status
Not open for further replies.